Monday, 30 November 2015

If found please return to.......

I seem to have lost my get up and go, it left the building some time ago.

I'm not feeling on top form, nothing specific, just a bit meh.

I'm managing to produce a cooked meal every day that one is needed, though shock horror I did use a bought pie one day. 

It depends what shift hubby is whether or not I cook, I do if he's on the early or day shift,  but when he's on lates he doesn't finish until 10ish and doesn't want to eat that late.

I'm managing to keep us in clean clothes and this week I changed the sheets, I didn't do that last week.

Apart from those few tasks the house is deteriorating around me, we are neither of us very tidy at the best of times and this definitely isn't the best of times.

Other stuff isn't getting done, I sit on the sofa looking at the mess, I can see what needs doing but I'm incapable of rousing myself enough to do anything, apart from knitting/crochet.

The some of the family have decided to get together to scatter MIL's ashes, unfortunately they have chosen to do it the one day hubby can't make it, despite him saying it was the only day he couldn't do!

Questions are now being asked about items missing from MIL's belongings, jewellery etc, well I know where one piece is, it's on my finger and has been since October 2014, when she gave all her daughters in law a piece to remember her by.

Saturday, 28 November 2015

Grief and loss

I was married to my first husband for 25 years, but 10 years into our marriage, when our fourth child was 3 months old my husbands father died suddenly.

He died 1 day before he was due to retire, he died because he was given a dose of morphine, he lied to his Dr and said he hadn't been drinking when in fact he had and drinking heavily.

Because he was officially still employed when he died his wife received his full works pension and a generous life insurance payout.

Everything was left to my mother in law, she was able to give up work and have a holiday every year.

This had a devastating effect on my husband, his son. 

He became depressed and his personality changed, he became someone I didn't know and couldn't love, he refused help as he believed the problem was with the rest of the world, not him.

He developed twin obsessions, money & sex.


I am now watching my second husband's mental health being destroyed, not just by the death of his mother but by his family, fighting amongst themselves & trying to drag him into the arguments.

Fortunately he is turning to me for support, I have kidnapped his phone, I've turned it to silent, and I'm vetting all his calls. I will fight them all tooth and nail if need be to protect him. 

I refuse to lose another husband!




Friday, 27 November 2015

Black Friday spending spree

It's been a really busy day today, I've been out of the house for 12 hours and I still have to collect hubby from work.
Still it is Black Friday and there are bargains to be had, allegedly.
My spending spree consisted of a reduced sandwich from my local Tesco, 73p!
A colleague spent her entire lunch break explaining how many shops she was planning to visit after work as some are open until 10pm.

Tuesday, 24 November 2015

Five scarves and a birthday

Because of it's proximity to MIL's funeral, my birthday was very low key, not that it's ever high key.

I couldn't think of anything I wanted so my L&M paid for my new winter coat, he usually buys me a bouquet of flowers, but we were given some a week ago and they are still going strong. 

DD1 took me out for a pizza, DS2 bought me a box of chocolates, DD2 gave me a mug with photo's of the DGC on and DS1 forgot, lol.

I've been asked to knit five scarves in different colours for a local nursery, they shouldn't take long and it will use up some of my stash.

Monday, 23 November 2015

Funeral

It was MIL's funeral today.

It all went very much as expected.

The funeral directors forgot the flowers.

BIL2 refused to carry the coffin.

His wife lost the plot, screaming, swearing and hitting people with her handbag.

She finished by spitting in my face because I bowed to the coffin instead of curtsying.

Saturday, 21 November 2015

Pension woes

I received a tax statement earlier this week, to my surprise I am being taxed on an extra pension that I am not receiving. 
Things are still stressful here but one day next week I will be phoning the tax office to find out about this other pension that I am allegedly receiving.
Obviously it could just be an error or it could be that my ex is in fraudulent receipt of an old pension of mine.
Either way I need to sort it out, it could mean almost £150 extra a month for me.

I read an article in the paper today, it says that 'Older people will remain immune from austerity, as pledged in the manifesto'
'The Treasury has asked all departments – except protected areas such as the NHS and the foreign aid budget – to come up with huge cuts to bring down the deficit. But older people will remain largely immune from austerity, as pledged in the Conservative manifesto.'
Pensioners will receive an extra £3.35, well that will certainly keep the wolf from the door won't it!

Fecking yummy mummies

I love the photo above, my DGD is a complete urchin and looks like the child hanging upside down on the barre. Having said that she does behave impeccably during class as she loves it so much.
On Friday's I collect my DGD Eileen & take her to dance class, the class is only 30 minutes long but sometimes it seems like hours.
Despite notices and polite requests from the dance class owner many of the siblings of the dancers are allowed to run wild in the waiting area for the duration of the class.
What really pisses me off is that these yummy mummies and daddies are either on their phones or chatting to each other about little Jacinta's prowess on the violin or Ferdinand's incredible ability with quantum physics, whilst little Jacinta & Ferdinand are beating 7 bells out of the smaller children or running around screaming at the tops of their voices.
To be fair there are a couple of mum's who sit and read to their child or talk quietly, unfortunately there are another 10 who ignore their children and their behaviour.
I know a few of the children have just come from school and need to let off steam, but there is a sodding great playing field next to the dance class, they could run around there and release some of their excess energy.
Yesterday one little charmer was trying to persuade the younger children to put their fingers in the door jamb so he could trap their finger and make them cry.
He also ran at my DGD and attempted to hit her, until I stepped in and did my 'Touch her & I will visit a world of pain upon you' speech.
At this point daddy did try to remonstrate with me, but changed his mind when I squared up to him, all 4' 11 of me.

Thursday, 19 November 2015

Cakes for work

Chocolate brownies waiting to be sliced, I sprinkled icing sugar on half and left  half without as one of my colleagues doesn't like icing sugar.

Three ingredient fruit cake, fruit juice, dried fruit and SR flour, I added mixed spice too.

Hokey Pokey cheesecake.

In the morning I will made a batch of cheese palmiers, they are better made fresh.

Tuesday, 17 November 2015

Rain, wind & general stupidity

It rained today at lunchtime & what's worse it was windy too. Anyone who works in a school will tell you that the kids go loopy when it's windy. The kids who normally just walk calmly past my office were, today running past, screaming & switching the corridor lights on and off. Until, that is, I stepped out of my office and did my best impression of an RSM. Suddenly they all stopped dead, turned the lights on and meekly went on their way.

Sunday, 15 November 2015

The calm before the storm

Life here is calm and peaceful, well apart from my L&M shouting at the TV, it's the GP later and he will be shouting lots, lol.
I bottled my blackberry vodka yesterday and my damson vodka.
I will bottle the damson gin today, I've frozen all the alcohol soaked fruit, I will make boozy jam at a later date.

I will also pickle some beetroot today, then that just leaves the quince jelly to be made.
I'm thinking of making a batch of limoncello next.

I need to make cakes for work at the end of the week, I'm making a 3 ingredient fruit cake, hokey pokey cheese cake, chocolate brownies & cheese palms for those who don't have a sweet tooth.

The funeral is still some time away, BIL2 is ignoring the solicitor, but she is fighting that battle so we are keeping out of it.

FIL is finding solace in the bottom of a bottle and we are all taking it in turns to visit and phone him with varying degrees of success.

Saturday, 14 November 2015

Free shopping

A couple of days ago I received my Tesco vouchers that I save throughout the year.

These are mainly from my petrol purchases as I don't buy that much of my food there, I prefer to use the local butchers, bakers etc

This morning I went and got my vouchers doubled and I bought pants, tights, vests and socks for the DGC. 

I got a list of what was needed and the relevant sizes from my DD's and I shopped 'til I dropped. 

It's not much of a contribution but every little helps when they have so many children between them.

I also picked up some meat bargains as I was there so early, a shoulder of lamb for £2.69, that will do for lunch tomorrow. 

I also got some belly pork and some stewing steak for the same price.

The belly pork is in the freezer and the stewing steak is simmering on the hob with onions, turnips, mushrooms and carrots.

Thursday, 12 November 2015

Comments

Thank you for all your kindness and thoughtful comments, I'm sorry I haven't replied to you all individually.

A few specific points have been mentioned that I will explain:

Yes I do think BIL2 has mental health issues though I don't really know him well, he does show some very strange behaviour traits.

FIL is their stepdad, their father died when the brothers were aged 5 to 15. FIL and MIL met and married after the brothers were grown up and mostly had families of their own.

Although FIL is irritating we will do everything we can to make sure he is protected, unfortunately he is his own worst enemy at times.

Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Funeral & Will

BIL2 is an executor of MIL's will but he is refusing to deal with the solicitor who is the other executor. 
If he continues to refuse he will be removed as an executor.

FIL was confused and booked the wake the day before the funeral, BIL3 has now taken over the arrangements and booked them both on the same day!

FIL's confusion is not helped by him starting on the booze at breakfast time.

FIL is still complaining about being harassed by BIL2 but has decided against having his locks changed, we have suggested he blocks BIL2's number on his mobile phone, he has refused this too.


Monday, 9 November 2015

All done

My lovely mother in law died at 1:30 today.
We were phoned by FIL at 9:30 this morning and set off soon after, we were there by 10:30.
BIL wasn't there, he'd been asked to leave after starting a brawl with FIL.
FIL, my hubby and another daughter in law sat with MIL, I stood beside hubby.
The rest of the family waited elsewhere in the hospice, unable to sit and watch.

.

Sunday, 8 November 2015

Rollercoaster

Well after yesterday's visit when we thought MIL was unlikely to make it through the night, today we visited & she's sat up in bed eating porridge!

FIL arrived whilst we were there, brought in by another family member, he was very tearful and worried, he has been told by BIL2 yet again that no visitors are allowed apart from BIL2 and his wife.

He has also been yelled at by BIL2 and blamed because the rest of us are still visiting.

So Monday when we visit I will be having words with the hospice team. They have been very good and insisted that BIL2 & wife leave the room when anyone else arrives, but I'm not having FIL bullied in this way. If all else fails I will involve the police.

Saturday, 7 November 2015

Another day

Another visit, MIL was asleep for most of the time we were there. I sat in reception reading to start with as she has been moved to a single room and there were already 3 people in the room.

BIL is back from his holiday and he visited after we left, he was intending to visit tomorrow, but hubby phoned him to suggest he visited sooner rather than later.

MIL was on oxygen when we arrived, but after a while she asked to see me and wanted the tubes removed, I helped her take them off. We checked with a nurse who said whatever MIL wanted was fine.

We will visit again tomorrow if she makes it through the night.


Thursday, 5 November 2015

Hospice


Thank you all so much for all your kind comments, 

MIL has finally been moved to the hospice,

we have been to visit her and she looks so much 

more comfortable already. We are looking at a 

timescale of day's only, but the change in her 

treatment has been incredible, she has pain relief

via a pump, the right amount of pillows, an extra 

blanket on her cold feet & unlimited ice cream as 

this is all she can eat now.

I had a bowl of soup at 10:30 yesterday morning & 

then nothing else 7:30, we spent a couple of hours 

 with MIL, an hour with the staff who are speaking 

to FIL and encouraging him to visit, they have 

assured him that MIL needs him and they have 

offered BIL2 counselling,  hubby & I will 

take him to visit at the weekend.

We drove home through a downpour of biblical 

proportions, as soon as I'd dropped hubby home I 

had to go back out to collect neighbour and drive 

her to the vets to collect her dog, this took just 

over 2 hours, I suppose as the vet is charging 

£2490.64 she thought she'd best make the 

appointment last as long as possible.


Hip Hip Hooray

MIL was moved to the hospice today!!!!

Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Going from bad to worse

Another day, another hysterical phone call, FIL is now speaking to us again, BIL2 has banned all visitors to MIL. 

FIL is desperate to visit MIL, but too scared of BIL2, MIL is pining for FIL.

I phoned the hospital and was told that we can still visit but BIL2 is standing guard to stop everyone getting near her, we will visit tomorrow and take FIL if he wants to go. 

I'm expecting security to be called! 

My lovely contact at the hospital assures me that we are not the worst family they have had to deal with but I find that hard to believe.

She asked me today 'You are supporting your husband, your father in law and 2 of your brothers in law, who's supporting you?'

I sat and sobbed at my desk, fortunately no one came in and saw me.

Tuesday, 3 November 2015

Hospital PALS

Another hospital visit today, well we go at least every other day & sometimes daily.  Today I visited PALS, I have previously phoned them, I have enumerated my concerns & things have improved considerably.

MIL is now on hourly pain relief, staff are checking on her more frequently & her buzzer is now within reach instead of behind her head.

FIL is no longer speaking to us, we had a phone call from his neighbour complaining about our unkindness to him.  He's told the neighbours that we drive past the end of his road & never offer him a lift to hospital!

I explained that actually we drive past his motorway junction & it is a 45 minute diversion to collect him, and we offer to collect him every bloody time & most times he refuses, often rudely.

Still no hospice bed for MIL, but I phone daily to check on the bed situation.

Every time I sit down I fall asleep & my hair is still falling out.

Sunday, 1 November 2015

Let's play a game

MIL has chosen 'All Time High' sung by Rita Coolidge to be played at her funeral. She chose the song as it is how she feels about her husband, he is her 'All Time High'.

This made me think, what song would you chose to epitomise your relationship?

I'm still trying to think of an appropriate song for my relationship.