Sunday, 21 January 2018

Cry wolf

We have had an escaped wolf wandering around, a few people tried to catch it thinking it was a German Shepherd dog!
The wolf named Torak escaped from the nearby Wolf Conservation Trust there is disagreement as to whether he escaped during the recent stormy weather when a tree fell and damaged the fence to his enclosure or whether a gate was deliberately left open.
He was recaptured unharmed before long.

Thursday, 18 January 2018


I sat quietly in the staff room catching up with some marking.
I’d done one school patrol and unless I was called
on the radio, I didn’t need to do another one until
the next lesson commenced.
The school had failed its last OFSTED inspection in
dramatic fashion and I was one of the few
survivors from the previous staff who had passed
muster with the ‘New Broom team’ brought in to
turn things around.
All the solid wood doors in the school had been
changed to semi glazed,  these were named Vision
Panels, woe betide anyone who referred to them
as a window!
The idea was so whoever was on patrol could see
how the class was behaving without entering the
room.  If there was any trouble brewing the person
on patrol could step in and help.

Another change was that all the students were
now addressed by their title and surname.
Suddenly my radio burbled into life ‘Would the
patrol officer please go to Room 1 in the Churchill
block’ I picked up my radio and responded ‘On my
Typical! Churchill block was at the farthest end of
the site.  I set off, wondering as I went which
particular miscreant I would be collecting today.
Pupils who were disrupting lessons were removed
to what we staff referred to as the ‘Sin Bin’ though
its official name was the Quiet Room.

The Quiet room was presided over by Mrs Grove, a
teacher with many years’ experience who had a
real soft spot for some of the more troubled and
troublesome students.

As I approached the Churchill room I could hear
someone singing the current number 1 single in
amongst the general noise, oh well, at least I knew
who I was dealing with. I entered the class room,
smiled kindly at Mr Smith, he was an NQT and
showed great promise as a teacher, but this
particular child would try the patience of a saint.

Both her parents had attended this school, her
father Martin had been a bit of a handful and could
always be guaranteed to get caught out in
whatever mischief he was up to.
Her mother, Julie,was what we called NBD (nice
but daft). There was not an ounce of malice or
common sense between them.

‘Miss Yarde’ I bellowed, to make myself heard
above the ruckus, most of the class quietened
down, apart from the main culprit, who had a boy
twice her size in a headlock and the boy in the
headlock who was screaming like a banshee.

‘Miss Yarde’ I repeated, this time I was closer and
she heard me. She grinned, ‘Hello Miss’

‘Miss Yarde please release Mr Walker’

‘But Miss, he was rude to me, I told him I was
going to audition for the X Factor and he I sounded
like a strangled cat’

I have to admit that I had some sympathy with Mr
Walker, like many hopeful pop stars, Miss Yarde
did seem to feel that volume was more important
than talent.
‘I’m sure he’s very sorry now’, ‘aren’t you Mr
Walker’ he let out a strangled cry that could have
passed as an apology and Miss Yarde released
I couldn’t help thinking, as I escorted Miss Yarde to the Sin Bin, that her parents had been wildly optimistic when they had named her Angel!

Wednesday, 17 January 2018

New Home

Thank you for all your kind comments about my story, I've no idea why the font size varies, I'll post another story soon.

And as for the new home, it's not me but the dog my DD1 has taken in from a rescue centre.

DD admitted today that she didn't think Ella would be comfortable around the twins as they are only 3 and quite boisterous. She assumed a lot of 'managing' would be needed but she could not see poor Ella left in the kennels where she was so stressed.
 DD planned, if Ella had real problems settling in, she would ask me to take her in!

Anyway, it hasn't been a problem, it turns out that Ella is profoundly deaf, whether from birth or recently we don't know.
Ella belonged to a homeless person who lived on the streets, so she has had a hard life.

Camberley Casanova

The trigger for this story came from watching daytime TV, it was, I think on Silk, presented by Robert Kilroy Silk. One of his guests, like Marjorie, arranged to meet men to fulfil her fantasy. I couldn't help thinking of what could go wrong.

Camberley Casanova
Marjorie stood at the sink washing and re-washing the same tea cup. Despite being what her mother kindly described as 'big boned' she was wearing a see through robe and nothing else, she checked the clock yet  again, another 30 minutes to go, the keys were left in the front door, the stage was set, the script memorised. She was torn between lust and embarrassment. What would Ted, her husband of 25 years think if he could see her now?

Darren mooched along the road, he should be home tidying the flat he shared with his girlfriend Julie, but he couldn't be arsed.  The keys left in the front door of the house he was passing caught his eye, he glanced around to see if he was being watched.  Darren wasn't a full time criminal, but never missed an opportunity to nick something if he thought he could get away with it, the problem was he often didn't, get away with it, that is. He was regularly up in court, but all he got was a slapped wrist, he was well known to the local police, they all recognised his skinny frame and bony face, generously covered with teenage acne He was the despair of his social worker who thought a short sharp shock, maybe a spell in prison would sort him out. Sometimes his girlfriend Julie thought that to, but she loved him so much and had done since the first day at Infants school when she had been placed next to him and he'd protected her from some mean boys.

Marjorie heard to key turn in the lock and went weak at the knees, should she run or hide, or stay where she was and hopefully fulfil one of her sexual fantasies. She'd be far too embarrassed to talk to Ted about her secret desires, but talking on line had seemed a safe and anonymous outlet for all her pent up desires. Senses heightened, she felt rather than heard him enter the room, she started to quiver, why didn't he say something, they had discussed the script at length.

Darren stood, transfixed, he'd assumed the occupier of the house was upstairs as there was no noise downstairs, he'd crept into the kitchen intending to grab the handbag he could see on the corner of the kitchen table. But there was this huge bird in a see through thingie. Suddenly she turned, threw off the robe and exclaimed 'Take me, I'm yours'. Darren's jaw dropped, then he fled, empty handed and also empty bladdered, He ran and ran and didn't stop until he reached the flat he shared with Julie.

Marjorie was mortified, her on line contact was called 'Camberley Casanova' he’d had described himself as 6'3, late 50's, tall, dark and not so handsome he had insisted he like mature, larger ladies. The teenager that had faced her briefly across the kitchen table before he'd fled, had been 5'6 tops and from the look of horror on his face when she'd turned to him did not like mature larger ladies.
The full implication of the risk she had taken suddenly hit home. Marjorie grabbed the keys, locked the front door and rushed upstairs, she threw her robe in the wash basket and hurriedly donned her usual garb of leggings and a baggy tee shirt. Minutes later after cleaning up the puddle left by her visitor, she was sat at her laptop drinking a cup of tea, soothing her shattered nerves with a chocolate hobnob. A noise at the front door set her nerves jangling, but she had the keys, they were no longer in the lock, they were on the table in front of her. 'Any chance of a cuppa?' it was Ted, her husband.

When Julie got home from work the flat was spotless and Darren had collected their baby son from her mother’s, he was making beans on toast for tea. He proudly showed her the details of the four jobs he had applied for, all minimum wage, the sort of job he usually sneered at as being beneath him. He seemed different, suddenly more mature and sensible. 'Is everything OK?' Julie asked him, 'Have you got caught robbing again?’  Darren was insistent, he was never going robbing again, he was fine, he had just decided it was time he grew up and took care of his responsibilities.

After drinking the cup of tea Marjorie had made him Ted gave her a peck on the cheek. 'Do you fancy going to that new Italian restaurant this evening?' Marjorie was surprised and pleased 'Oh yes' she replied. Ted returned to his office, once there he fired up his laptop & logged on to He looked but the profile for 'Bored & Desperate' had been removed, he smiled & then closed down his own profile 'Camberley Casanova'.

Friday, 12 January 2018


Not a weight loss diet, that ship has long since sailed!
Captain Hot Stuff is a fussy eater, he sees all vegetables as the work of the devil, apart from cabbage, broccoli and frozen peas and then only a small spoonful of them.
I'd got into the habit of only buying what he would eat.
But then I decided I was tired of not eating a greater variety of veg so last week I bought fennel, courgette, aubergine and cauliflower and I made a tray of roasted veg and ate a huge portion with my meals.
This week I bought another selection and I'm steaming some of them every evening.
CHS keeps asking 'Are you really going to eat all that?'

Thursday, 11 January 2018

Busy day and lots of bruises

Today I had Dgd over for a couple of hours, I did one load of washing and filled the water tank on the boat.
I also filled the coal bucket up, this was the cause of the bruises.
I was coming down the steps onto the boat with the full coal bucket, I miscounted the steps and thought I was on the floor when I wasn't!
I landed on the kitchen floor surrounded by lumps of coal.
Dgd seemed unmoved by the bangs and crashes, she said 'I didn't fall down the steps, I was careful'
Fortunately I landed on my humongous arse so there is no real damage.
I have some Technicolor bruises and a very tender coccyx.
I had offered to look after Ella today so DD1 and hubby could take the twins out.
So after I dropped Dgd home I set off to dog sit.
Ella was fast asleep when I arrived, woke up when I sat on the sofa beside her but promptly fell asleep again.
She had one trip out to the garden (DD1 has a dog door but Ella hasn't mastered it yet) but apart from that she slept, snored and farted the afternoon away.

Tuesday, 9 January 2018

Newest member of the family

This is Ella, she is 10 years old, her owner had died and so she was in kennels, she was very unhappy. She was grieving for her owner and very stressed being in kennels. 
She doesn't look this sad anymore, I will try and take another photo soon.
She likes people and other dogs, she does not like cats.
She was collected today by DD1 and came to visit me on the boat. She likes me because I gave her some ham, she took it very gently.
She is now home with DD where she will be cosseted and spoilt rotten.

Cry wolf

We have had an escaped wolf wandering around, a few people tried to catch it thinking it was a German Shepherd dog! The wolf named Torak e...