It took me a while to realise that's Steve's personality changed dramatically after his stroke.
All the problems he now has, he attributes to me.
Faced with an unending deluge of complaints I tried very hard to make thing easier for him, but nothing worked.
Eventually I realised that nothing I did helped, partly because Steve was enjoying his misery.
I stopped trying to help, unkind, I know but I don't have the temperament to be his whipping boy.
If being unkind and spiteful to me is what gets him through the day, that a "him" problem. It's not a "me" problem.
There is no sun today and it's chilly, not gardening weather, this means Steve is in a sulk.
I've treated myself to a new book and will start to read it.
9 comments:
Hugs. Sometimes what someone complains about is more about them than the subject of the complaint. Please take care of yourself.
Good way of looking at it - a 'him' problem, not a 'me' problem. I should apply that thinking to my situation too. It's still not nice to be at the blunt end of their snide comments and frustrations though, regardless of knowing they can't help it. Enjoy your new book x
Your patience and restraint is admirable.
There is nothing more hard than living with someone closely that has suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury, such as stroke. The brain can heal, most times but not always, from a stroke but many times, a 'whole new person' emerges and not always a very nice one! So now you have to deal with the 'new and revised Steve', who is not a better reinvention but a decidedly very difficult, different Steve. We have had this issue in my family and you have my sympathy and you are 100% right - every complaint is a "him" problem; he is miserable inside himself, brain included, and being miserable continually to you, trying to control your every moment, isolating you, etc most likely all related to his TBI and letting go and knowing it isn't your fault and not Your problem will help your own mental health... and physical health too ! Wishing you all the Best! Dawn P. Albany, GA USA
Sometimes there is just no pleasing people. I remember when my Dad had a stroke he was very depressed and not easy to live with for my Mum, not difficult like Steve. Sending you a hug. Hope you enjoy your book. The cooking for one on yesterday's blog sounded very tasty.
My husband has had several funny turns but never a diagnosis - I understood it to be a characteristic from is mother - I do find that nothing I do is right though - At my grand age of 65 I now let him be - There comes a time I feel when we have to disconnect and enjoy what time we have x
I like your attitude! Him not me. Take your hearing aids out and enjoy your book. Sending hugs xx
Thank you for your timely post.
Your attitude is amazing and you are totally right. I couldn't stand to be anyone 's whipping boy either. Being able to find a way to live with Steve and his problems in a way that you can both manage physically, and cope with mentally is exactly the right way forward.
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