I have reached the end of my tether and have decided to move out. Being married to a control freak is soul destroying and damned hard work.
Steve is obviously not happy with my decision but as he's always refused to accept that some of his behaviour is unacceptable, that's hardly surprising.
I've told my children and I'm currently looking for somewhere to live, I have various options which I'm not sharing with Steve. I'm concerned that he would arrive in my doorstep pleading poverty and homelessness.
I sympathise with him to a certain extent but I need a life of my own. One where I can come and go as I please and where I'm not answerable to someone else.
58 comments:
You have my wholehearted support and admiration. I hope you find a suitable place soon xx
I know you didn’t want it to come to this so I am sorry. However, I do think you deserve a good life and you haven’t got that at the moment so Good for You and I wish you all the luck and happiness because you deserve it. Sending you hugs over the internet. Helenx
I haven't commented for a while because because things seemed so dire and bleak that I didn't know what to say. I am so glad for you that you are moving because I feel sure where ever you go has got to be better for you than living with Steve.
You've tolerated awlful living conditions with no support for way too long. I wish you the best of everything for the future and I am so happy you have been able to decide to do this, you deserve and need to for yourself. Hugs
Wishing you and Beano the very, very best!
Good for you, sounds to me like you've made the right decision.I hope you find somewhere suitable for you and Beano and soon.
You have my full support and many kind thoughts as you move forward with your life. Best wishes to you in your new way of living- I honestly don’t know how you have survived this long.❤️
You have gone above and beyond, for your health you need to put you first. Take care, Josie x
My fear for you has always been that Steve would continue to get worse with his treatment of you and that sooner or later you would come to considerable physical harm. Mental harm has already happened as you have been driven deeper into despair over how you have been treated and am thinking it would only be a matter of time. Of course, he will lay all the blame on you, but I am sure those who know you both and who have witnessed his actions will know the truth. I wish you well.
Sue, I’m so pleased you have plucked up courage and for once do something for yourself. It was not an easy road you were journaling. Hope you get something to suit you soon and have a nice life xx
It takes a lot of resolve, commitment and effort but self preservation has to be your goal right now. You are smart and good hearted so you can make it. My prayers and support go with you. I admire how hard you’ve worked to make your situation tolerable but it is time to focus on you (and Beano, of course).
Oh, I'm so incredibly sorry you've been going through such a soul-destroying time, but it takes immense courage to reach this decision and plan your exit. Moving out from under a control freak's thumb is the first step toward reclaiming your peace and your life.
I truly hope you find the perfect new place soon where you can finally come and go as you please. You absolutely deserve that freedom and quiet independence.
www.melodyjacob.com
Very best of luck.
I've never commented on your blog before but have reading it for a few years. I think you are right to take this step. I admire your resilience and wish you all the very best. Christine
I have been following your writing for years. You have tried so hard to make things work - and you deserve a life where you have peace and happiness. Wishing you every success in the next phase of your life.
Years ago I copied and put on my wall a quote from Carl Sandburg :
"Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you." That quote immediately came to mind as I read your post today. Steve has spent way too much of yours, from what I have read. Wishing you good luck in finding a place that will, for sure, be happier. You have earned it.
You've tried your best to make things work but you have to take care of yourself, too. I wish you much peace and happiness in your next home.
Wishing you the very best of luck and good fortune in finding somewhere for you and Beano to lay your heads, I think you've done the best thing for you, it must be soul destroying living with someone so controlling and manipulative. Hugs Xx
I wish you the very best of luck for a peaceful future with Beano. Carol
Wishing you the best of luck.
You have truly tried. I’m pleased you now move on.
It has been clear for a long time that you are only happy when you are away from Steve. Now you can look forward to more happy days ahead.
Good vibes to you and Beano.
Make sure you figure out the finances! Ensure that he can't access your bank accounts or credit cards. Close the Amazon, EBay, grocery store accounts.
I hope you do move on, even if you take a big financial hit. I thought many times to move, but it took me 25 years until I finally did it. I am poor but happier. And of course he blames me, and others have taken his side which is difficult to deal with.
Please send your new address as soon as you get it. Cindy
It is YOUR time now; time to be safe, secure, and happy.
I love how each reply has been so supportive and well wishes. Although we have never met you, we ALL have your back. Much love Fiona in New Zealand
She will be so much happier, and Beano, too..
Best wishes for your future I'm sure you are making the right decision. Please keep blogging so all your friends know that you are ok and how things are panning out for you. Much love Rosie.
I wish you all the very best. Not an easy decision to have reached, I'm sure - but I suspect you feel lighter for having made it. X
I was shocked to read your post but not really surprised. Good luck finding somewhere to move to and where you can rebuild your life. As always, best wishes from Northern Ireland x
Wishing you all the best, hopefully you can find somewhere quickly for you and Beano. You have tried your very best , but your own health and welfare is most important. Best wishes from Scotland x
Hope you and Beano find a new home soon and you can find peace. Please protect yourself financially. Very best wishes.
Wishing you all the best, hope you find somewhere peaceful to stay, Jacqueline
I am so glad to hear this news. I too have been worried for you and Beano, especially with Steve's drinking and sudden rages. You are clever and resourceful and we are here to help, support and offer guidance if we can. Good luck my dear, Sandra x
Good luck, hope you find somewhere very soon, I don’t often comment but read your blog everyday Sandy
Good luck with your search. Thinking of you at this difficult time. Regards Sue H
Have been following since you worked at a school. Good luck for the future and hope you are settled in a new home very soon. Make sure all your accounts are secure or cancelled. Best wishes
I've been reading your blog for years but never commented. Go girl go! You deserve many more years of peace of mind. Wishing you the very best. It's time to look after Yourself!!
Good for you. We only have the one life and we have to live it as as best as we can. While divorce is probably not on the cards at this stage, I hope you have considered a legal separation and particularly a financial order which I believe cannot be done online and needs to be presented to a court, to prevent him running up debts which you could be held responsible for. You should also brace yourself that he will find you at some point. A lawyer or a private detective would find you easily wherever you go. Having said that I wish you and Beano all the best for a happy and peaceful future. Essie.
Sometimes doing the best for yourself is also a sad time. Hope you find a happy place soon to start your new life in.
I send all good wishes to you and I hope that you find a place soon.
You tried and tried and now you have to put yourself first. Carole R
Rooting for you. We all deserve peace and a bit of sanity around us.
I hope you won't be seriously out of pocket by moving out and that you can find a suitable and peaceful home for yourself and Beano. x
I know it goes against the grain with your marriage vows, but you have tried your hardest, above & beyond, to keep them. But you have reached a point where there is no other way of keeping your sanity and even your well-being. I have worried for a while about the possibility of you being physically hurt when he is drunk and very angry, blaming you for everything that is wrong in his life. As others have said, you can't go on any longer like this; you need to take charge of your own life and well-being. I wish you all the very best in finding a peaceful haven for yourself and Beano. Can I recommend caravan living? I bought a second-hand caravan for myself and Border Collie and we spent many happy years living in that caravan when rentals were difficult to find xx Rosemary xx
I’m so pleased you’ve taken this difficult decision; I know it’s not easy to do. I left my husband thirty five years ago because he was drinking. Although I still loved him, living with him became intolerable and I just could not go on.
I hope you and Beano find somewhere to shelter and heal safely.
All the very best as you move forward with your life x
Alison in Devon x
A caravan would beeasy and affordable, but I think Sue has to choose something else? Her eyesight is getting worse and worse, so living in a caravan could be only temporaryfoeher and Beano.
I was actually "happy" to read this post - I think you have done much more than anyone can ask for. It is time for you to find safe and calm place.
You have been a rock for him since his stroke to the detriment of your own health and wellbeing. Losing the essence of the person you love is tragic and I imagine that this decision has not come easy to you. However you have done all you possibly could and I hope you find peace and tranquillity in the years ahead. Please stay with us. With very best wishes. Pollie
I think that I understand a little about what you have been suffering - Eventually I believe the choice is about your survival - Love from flis xx
So sorry to hear that things have reached this point, Sue. You have tried for many years to save your marriage. Hope you find peace and healing in your next chapter. Lynda xx
Totally agree with sorting your finances. Start by changing all your passwords!
I wish you all the very best in your new safer life, with Cass to help you. xx
I think we all know how hard to have tried to make things work Sue, you have to put yourself first now. It took me many years to do the same and I can honestly say it was the best thing that I ever did. Wishing you, and little Beano every happiness in the future. It's hard at first but then the alternative is so much harder as you well know. Make sure you make your finances unreachable for Steve.
A hard decision but you have done the best you can for as long as you can; you too deserve a decent life and you have EARNED it, my dear. I agree with Sue above and also lockdown all your finances. Dawn P. Albany, GA USA
All the best to you & Beano, get your financials locked down tight, change all your passwords , remove your saved card details from Amazon or any other website that they might be stored on so he can't spend your money again leaving you with nothing. Good luck, you deserve a happier calmer life, so go get it x
Timing the physical act of separation from an unstable control-freak can be dangerous. Please exercise caution! Move Beano and essential documents to a secure refuge first -- enlist help to collect any personal items later -- and don't post any hints of your whereabouts online. Best wishes on a safe escape!
That’s such a shame. I remember when you used to call Steve The Minder, and you were so happy together, It’s so sad it’s come to this, but you have to think of yourself and be happy.
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