Saturday, 28 November 2015

Grief and loss

I was married to my first husband for 25 years, but 10 years into our marriage, when our fourth child was 3 months old my husbands father died suddenly.

He died 1 day before he was due to retire, he died because he was given a dose of morphine, he lied to his Dr and said he hadn't been drinking when in fact he had and drinking heavily.

Because he was officially still employed when he died his wife received his full works pension and a generous life insurance payout.

Everything was left to my mother in law, she was able to give up work and have a holiday every year.

This had a devastating effect on my husband, his son. 

He became depressed and his personality changed, he became someone I didn't know and couldn't love, he refused help as he believed the problem was with the rest of the world, not him.

He developed twin obsessions, money & sex.

I am now watching my second husband's mental health being destroyed, not just by the death of his mother but by his family, fighting amongst themselves & trying to drag him into the arguments.

Fortunately he is turning to me for support, I have kidnapped his phone, I've turned it to silent, and I'm vetting all his calls. I will fight them all tooth and nail if need be to protect him. 

I refuse to lose another husband!


Lyssa Medana said...

Sending hugs and good vibes. Sybil xxx

Anonymous said...

Lucky man having you to look out for him. You take care too.

Linda Metcalf said...

with your love and care he'll get thru this....I hate this for your family especially during the holidays. Hugs to you and your family.

Anonymous said...

What a lovely, caring ,person you are,
your husband with your support and love
will get through this sad and horrible
time for you both.
sincere thoughts and hugs to you both,
take care.

Anonymous said...

Hester what a lovely person you are , your Husband will get through this because you will fight tooth and nail to make sure he does.

If ever I needed a good friend I would want someone like you.

You have a special love for each other, just hold on to that

Love & hugs
Marie xx

Kim @ Him, Him Me said...

I hope you and your Hubby come through this stronger and even closer together than you are now. I think you are very strong, and you love each other very much. It shows in your posts.
Remember, that you can't choose your family or his, but you can ignore them and I hope and pray that you both get through this horrible time, without sinking to their levels

Take care.

rabbitquilter said...

You are amazing. Good luck to you both. Sending you both much love X

markdebby said...

Its great that your DH is letting you look after him. It's a difficult time but you both will get through it.

Marlene jones said...

Good work, families can make life very difficult. A good wife will always look after her man, I do hope you have someone looking after you. xxxx

Life at Number 38 said...

Good for you Hester. I'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot he'd do the same for you. Looking after each other is top priority. xx

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