Thank you for all your kind comments regarding my panic attack, it's wearing off gradually, I do just try to ignore them, using the mantra 'It's only a panic attack I'm not going to die!' Obviously my body doesn't feel that stress hives is enough hence the ramping up to panic mode.
My mother died of lung cancer at the age I am now, my father died of liver cancer in 2001, he was in his eighties. So you'd think these things would get easier, but they don't.
I don't think I've ever really recovered from the cruelty inflicted by my ex surrounding the death of my father and his funeral. Having to fight to attend my dad's funeral, being sat at the back & ignored whilst my ex sat at the front with my stepmother and the rest of the family. This was all difficult but only for me. It was him telling my stepmother that I wasn't interested in visiting my Dad in hospital, where as I was unaware he was ill, was what really hurt as it was an attack on my Dad, who didn't deserve to die thinking I no longer loved him.
Anyway, on a brighter note, I'm feeding a colleague's ragdoll cats this week from Tuesday to Saturday.
I'm looking after DD2's dog from Friday to Monday.
DGD Norah is visiting from Saturday evening until Monday. DGD & the dog can keep each other company as the dog usually sleeps on DGD's bed at home.