Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Feck, feck, feckkity feck

Can I please sit in a corner and gibber until this whole sorry mess is over?
The results are back from MIL's scan, the cancer has spread to her bowel and spine.
Yesterday the staff dropped her again when getting her out of bed.
BIL2 is claiming MIL is confused and is wanting to use his power of attorney to exclude all visitors except himself and his wife. MIL will be devastated if FIL no longer visits her as they a very devoted couple. He is also waving around a will, BIL4 has a copy of a different will.
MIL is still mainly lucid and the hospital have asked to see the POA documents before proceeding.
FIL asked me to buy MIL some new nightdresses, I bought 3, he seems to have asked most of the females in the family to do the same. MIL now has 18 new nightdresses!
I'm grateful we have more money now than when my father was dying. Paying train fares of £12 a day 10 years ago caused us severe financial hardship.
At least this time we can afford the petrol to visit MIL regularly without having to go without food & heating. It sounds callous, but it is one less thing to worry about.


Frugal in Derbyshire said...

Difficult Situation here. Not sure that BIL understands his responsibilities with POA My understanding is that POA does not allow him to make health and welfare decisions without LASTING Power of Attorney for Health and welfare. If MIL is coherent much of the time It is to be hoped that the medical staff will support. I am sure they will not agree to a sick woman being deprived of visits from her husband. Also if BIL has lasting power of attorney there should also be a named person who must be informed of his intentions ( as an extra failsafe)
If you have one nearby, a visit to your local Citizen's Advice Bureau should help with the Will mess too.
I must admit the nightdress story tickled me!
The very best of luck to you. Look after yourselves.

Anonymous said...

What an awful situation for you. Surely FIL as next of kin can make informed decisions with his wife about her care. Our daughter has POA
and Lasting POA but my DH and I have it for each other as longas we are able. I'm not sure why the will is beingbrandished at this point-i know Scottish Law is different, but surely FIL will have first claim on any estate of his wife. I think CAB as a first pass is an excellent idea. Keep strong and do what you know is right. Catriona

kate steeper said...

We had all the shenanigans when my father was dying. Turned up at hospital to find i couldnt see him because i wasnt a real relative? my stepbrother was a total arse with everyone, reeling out his POA like he was the wrath of god . My stepmother may have been blind but she was nobodys fool and cut him down to size . I wouldnt dignify anyone with an argument and went to visit him after visiting time was finished , the staff are used to dealing with these situations. Grief hits people in funny ways

Marlene jones said...

It's a hard time and families can be terrible, I have an interfering sister, best to stay back, bit your tongue, and ensure your MIL is out of pain and well looked after. We have not as yet given anyone Lasting POA as yet,

Lyssa Medana said...

Is there anyone like Marie Curie that can help?

Sadly, all you can do is fight your MIL's corner when it comes to things like pain relief and look after L&M.

Hugs xxx

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