Sunday, 27 September 2015

The Wiccan Rede

An it harm none, do as you will.

Not a bad rule to live by, I try but don't always succeed.
The other Wiccan tenet is the law of threefold return, we believe that every ill a person does returns to them threefold.
I don't believe I am just randomly unkind or spiteful, I try to help people if help is needed.
Unfortunately if someone seriously pisses me off I find it really difficult not to retaliate.
I do find it difficult to understand some people who are unkind, often people who have had a difficult childhood find it hard to be a good parent. Some abusers have been abused and find it hard to break the cycle.
But it's the smaller, petty spite and nastiness that I find really difficult to understand.
My ex MIL loved to cause problems and not just with me, I was NOT the sort of person she wanted her son to marry so she endlessly tried to cause trouble. I could understand her reason for this, but she also tries to cause problems in her siblings marriages and this I can't understand as she loves her brothers and sister.
I am really struggling at the moment with my feelings about a friend of a friend, she is in her 30's has cancer, it is terminal and she will leave 3 little girls orphans when she dies.
What I'm struggling with is her behaviour, before she was diagnosed she was an out and out bitch and did some truly terrible things and caused some very serious problems for people. Including causing one person to lose their job by making false accusations.
I feel I should have sympathy for her suffering, but I'm finding it terribly hard, especially when I'm asked to help with something she needs.


5 comments:

gillibob said...

I maybe wrong in saying this. Have sympathy for her situation, but don't feel guilty when not helping. Categorize it, into is it beneficial fit the kids. If so yes, if not then don't help. A leopard never changes their spots. Having cancer doesn't suddenly make someone a saint.

Anonymous said...

Totally agree with gillibob. My husband's Aunt was a complete bitch to most people but sadly I got the worst of it. When my much loved MIL was dying, she expected me to fall into her arms as she tried to make conversation. I never spoke to her again and did not go to her funeral many years later. I try to do good and be helpful wherever I can but decided that this toxic woman had no place in my life and I was not going to be one of her "prey". Feeling sympathy for the three children is a natural response but don't do something you don'twant to do if it feels wrong and may cause you stress. Catriona

Hard up Hester said...

I think that is one of the problems with this situation, some people seem to feel she is some sort of saint now she is so ill.

jill said...

I understand what you are feeling.

I am your age, and some years ago it finally dawned on me that "an do no harm" could and should be directed towards myself as well as others.
Trying to always do what is deemed right and proper in difficult situations when I neither felt good about the person/situation or had the resources in time, money or health to spare caused stress, self doubt and grief. This is when I realized that I was worthy of "no Harm" as well.

For me, Threefold Return also meant that the more I struggled with myself about a situation the more grief I brought to myself. I am allowed to not like, not want to do something or even ignore a situation that I did not create. I am allowed to be as kind and nurturing to myself as it is expected I be to others.
I have learned unless the situation is so dire and ONLY my expertise or intervention will do what is required that I can wish the person/situation grace and space to heal and leave it at that.

As for the saint makers, I have a few in my sphere and their good works always seems to involve doling out jobs and responsibilities to others, [whose schedules and resources they completely ignore] while dispensing beatific smiles at their own goodness and beneficence. Ick.

You are a good person and worthy of your own kindness and forgiveness.

gillibob said...

Beautifully put Jill.