Sexual assault.

I've given this post a very clear title, so if this subject upsets or triggers you in any way please feel free to pass it by and don't read it.

I have been sexually assaulted four times.

I don't mean men copping a feel or groping me though those things did happen, I mean fairly serious sexual assaults.

The first time I was about four years old, it was the father of a playmate. He did this about four or five times. My family moved to a different area so the abuse stopped.

The next assault happened whilst I was at junior school so I was under eleven years old. It was after school and I was waiting for the underground train that I travelled on every day to and from school. A man came up to me grabbed my hands and at the same time tried to kiss me, ramming his tongue into my mouth. My fingers were gripped and pushed down and I felt something strange and spongy. It was years before I realised that he'd been forcing my hands onto his erect penis.

I didn't tell my mother about these events as I was aware I'd get into trouble, looking back I cannot understand why I would have been in trouble but I'm sure I would have been.

When I was a teenager I was not a timid teen, I went regularly to the local cinemas with a group of three or four friends. We would sit in one of the rows starting from the aisle  I was always the one who sat in at the middle as you could almost guaranteed that some perv would come along and try groping me. The reason I sat where I did was because if someone did sit next to me and try to touch me I would immediately stand up and shout out a complaint. I lost count of the number of dirty old men who were thrown out of the cinemas in Putney because of me.

As I said I wasn't a timid person but the next assault happened when I was sent by my female office manager to deliver some paperwork to a rep staying in a nearby hotel. I was about 16 the man I was delivering the paperwork to was in his 40's I was told to take the paperwork to his room and once I was there he locked the door and made a very serious attempt to rape me. I put up a spirited defence, scratched his face and kneed him between his legs and fought him off. When I returned to work I made a complaint to my office manager who told me that I was making a fuss about nothing and not to be so silly. I left that job shortly afterwards.

The final assault happened when I stayed the night with a work colleague, she and her boyfriend had cooked a meal and we had a pleasant evening with a few drinks. Eventually we all went to bed but I was woken up some time afterwards when the boyfriend came into the room I was sleeping in and tried to get into bed with me. He said his girlfriend had refused to have sex with him and had fallen asleep. He expected me to provide what he was missing, I fought him off and pulled handfuls of hair from his head. This finally persuaded him I was not interested in having sex with him.

I was then free of attacks until towards the end of my first marriage, but I've posted about that before so I won't repeat myself.

Catch up post.

I'm spending the day worrying, my daughter is back in court yet again because of her ex. Her barrister and the police don't think she should attend but her ex's barrister has insisted. As a compromise she will attend the court but not appear in open court. Her ex is just too dangerous and unstable. This is giving me deja vu as my barrister insisted on escorting me to my car after my divorce and she was right to as my first husband was stood by my car. My barrister blocked his car in so I was able to get into my car and escape safely. So whilst I'm worrying I though I'd do a catch up post.

1) I've finally got the living room how I want it, I've tried a few different ways of positioning the furniture and I finally have one that suits me. The room appears bigger and last night for the first time since I moved in I sat in the living room until 10 o'clock.

2) I've realised why sometimes my neighbour's black cat is friendly and sometimes not, it is two different cats, belonging to two different neighbours, both cats are the same colour with the same markings.

3) I have a raft of letters from the hospital, all are asking me to phone them, i can't do this so I'm saving the letters until my daughter has time to look at them.

4) I'm having problems with my phone, this time it is Steve that is causing the problems. I will get it sorted next week.

5) I've ordered and received a packet of wild flowers seeds to scatter in my garden and in my daughter's garden.

6) I've been to the pub for lunch, I was a bit unsure after the rudeness of the women at the next table last time I visited, but, big girls knickers on and off I went. I had chicken and thoroughly enjoyed it.

7) I couldn't eat all the chicken so I wrapped up the last piece in my napkin and put it in my pocket, I explained to Beano that he could have it later for his tea. 

8) I take Beano's blanket with me when I go to the pub, he understands that this means he must sit quietly whilst I eat. I was drinking my coffee when I realised that Beano was no longer sat on his blanket. The little toad had snuck over and taken the chicken out of my pocket and snaffled it!

Lazy day.

I've had, for me, a busy couple of days, I'd been given some new to me furniture. I accepted it, but left it in the hall whilst I decided where to put it.

I mulled it over and then made a decision on where the items should go. As my bungalow is quite small moving the furniture was a bit like one of those plastic puzzles with little squares, where you have to move everything around to get things where you want them.

It took me a few days to move stuff as I have had a couple of hospital appointments as did my daughter. Which meant I was walking to hers to babysit. So the furniture moving was done in fits and starts.

I've now got everything where I want it, including the microwave, which I used this morning. So now I'm having a lazy day, Beano has had his walks but apart from that I'm sitting down and continuing to read The,Other Bennett Sister. I'm thoroughly enjoying the book and have seen enough clips on YouTube to be able to visualise Ella Bruccoleri, Ruth Jones and others in their respective parts.

Hospital again.

Same hospital, different body part.

This time it was a visit to the audiologist, my goodness what a difference.

I had a slightly dicky tummy and wondered if it was somethng I'd eaten, I think from the rapid improvement it was actually just worry after the less than helpful visit two days earlier.

Yet again my daughter had to juggle my appointment with the needs of her six children and five or them came with us. They were all very well behaved.

The audiologist was excellent, made sure I understood her and explained my options. My hearing levels have decreased considerably and I will need a different style of hearing aids. They will be ready in four weeks!

After the hospital appointment we went to the supermarket, I bought a pack of cupcakes for the children as a thank you for their good behaviour.

Tomorrow I'm sitting with them as my daughter has a hospital appointment.

Microwave

A neighbour knocked on my door today and asked if I could use a  microwave.

I assured him that I could and he brought it round shortly afterwards, for some reason he had two.

It was not new but was very clean and I'm very grateful, it will save me dirtying a saucepan when I make beans on toast for my lunch. I will also use it to make my morning porridge, though I think I'll need a tall measuring jug to make that.

The microwave is currently sat on top of my son's dishwasher, tomorrow I shall spend some time reorganising the stuff on my kitchen work surfaces to make room for the microwave.

Shambles

 My hospital appointment y'day was a complete shit show. I attended because I'd had text reminder of the appointment. 

The letter I should have received was sent to the incorrect address so I didn't get it. 

Despite this being explained repeatedly to the staff they kept referring to the letter.

The hospital I attended is small and relatively quiet, I also found it disorganised and confusing.

I repeatedly explained that I was deaf but people still insisted on not facing me to aid lip reading.

We were sent to wait in the wrong area and I nearly missed my appointment.

I had my blood pressure taken, I requested a larger blood pressure cuff because I have fat arms but my request was ignored until my daughter insisted. The person taking my blood pressure swapped the cuff but behaved like a sulky child who had been reprimanded!

I hate to think what would have happened if my daughter hadn't been there to advocate for me.

Shoulder creepies

I've suffered from shoulder creepies for years, it feels like hundreds of ants are marching up from my shoulder blades. I've had this since I was in my late 40's at least. I mentioned them to my Dr years ago when I was invited to a well woman appointment regarding the menopause. The creepies started a few months before my periods stopped and I wondered if there was a connection. 

The Dr assured me there was no connection, she also assured me that although I hadn't had a period for about 6 months I was not starting the  menopause, it was probably stress related and that my periods would no doubt restart at some point, they never did and I'm now in my 70s.

Recently I've started itching, again it started with my shoulders and has moved down my arms. My shins also itch, I use an oatmeal moisturiser that helps a little but it's bloody irritating.