Friday 31 March 2023

Raining today

It's supposed to rain all day, this means Steve will be moaning and mumping all day.

Yesterday he spent time in the garden, he went to the garden centre with a neighbour. When they came back they planted out the lavender and pinks they had purchased.

Steve also cut back a shrub that was overhanging the path.

Today he is supposed to be putting together the new table he's just purchased, so it will be a day of sulking because of the weather and bad tempered shouting as he tries to build the table and chairs. He didn't read the description before he purchased them and didn't realise they were self assembly!!

A couple  of days ago Steve told me I needed to start cooking again, not the carp I used to cook but 'proper food ' the stuff he's started buying from Iceland. In other words pre-fried food. Steve's always been an extremely fussy eater, I would go so far to say that he is obsessive  about food. He refuses to eat any fruit or vegetables and eats only rubbish.

I'm not really very good with junk food and I tend to burn it.

Wednesday 29 March 2023

Reward system

I'm probably not allowed sugar as I'm allegedly diabetic. 


Living with Steve isnt easy, especially when the weather is damp and gloomy. He hates rainy days and complains non-stop

He frequently starts moaning within seconds of getting up. And everything that upsets him is my fault. It's my fault we had to leave the boat because I became unwell. 

Today I went to the summer house to join in the quiz, I did very badly as it was a musical quiz and I  couldn't hear the tunes but it was good to be with people who weren't complaining. 

Within seconds of the last quiz questions Steve came over to the summer house with Beano to collect me. My time was obviously up!

In an attempt to avoid a murder charge I have bought a packet of Cadbury chocolate fingers. These I keep in the cupboard, if I manage not to shout at Steve or beat him about the head with a blunt instrument. I allow myself one chocolate finger once he's gone to bed!

Tuesday 28 March 2023


It's rained on and off all day here.

Steve caught the bus into town, he needed some painkillers.

He treated himself to a pub breakfast and even remembered to buy the painkillers.

He also went to Iceland to buy bags of flavoured chicken wings.

Yesterday he suggested I start taking over the  cooking he's beginning to find it tedious cooking every day for himself.

I couldn't cook a meal now, even if I wanted to, the freezer is full of junk food.

Sunday 26 March 2023

Changing the clocks

We only had one that needed changing, the others are automatic.

Steve doesn't cope well when the clocks change, he spends the entire day trying to work out what the time is. He finds it very stressful.

This goes on for a week or two, eventually he accepts the change and calms down.

He went to bed just after 7 o'clock, he was worn out.

I changed the sheets today, Steve complained.

He thinks the sheets wouldn't need changing it I slept elsewhere.

It's just something else to complain about.

He's also complaining that I'm not cooking, he's forgotten that he said everything I cooked was crap. I did tell him that I'm not prepared to waste time cooking if he's going to complain about the food. I'm also not cooking the rubbish he buys.

Saturday 25 March 2023

Good days and bad.

Steve had a couple of bad days, he could have started an argument in an empty room. 

He ranted on and on, everything was wrong!

I'm pretty sure our neighbours can hear him as one of them phoned and persuaded Steve to go and help him in the garden for a few hours.

By yesterday he'd calmed down, he was very chatty and talked non-stop all day. I smiled and nodded, there is no point in me replying as he can't hear me. Not that he is deaf, you understand, I just don't speak clearly.

I was wiped out yesterday as the foxes outside our bedroom window were very active and disturbed Beano, so I'd had very little sleep. I took Beano out twice at 3am and again at 4:30, he paced around, sniffing for the foxes but they were well hidden. I tried sleeping on the sofa in the hopes that Beano would sleep if he couldn't hear them but to no avail.

So I achieved very little y'day apart from dog walking, I could have done with a nana nap during the day but couldn't sleep through Steve's constant chattering.

Monday 13 March 2023

Twisty toes.

The toes on my left foot are painful, they are twisting again.

Probably the result of wearing FMheels  for a few years.

Nemmind, it was fun while it lasted.

I now own some very comfortable blue suede Mary Janes, wide fitting shoes and of course I still wear Skechers for dog walking.

It's milder here though I don't know how long for but it is incredibly windy, the path was littered with twigs when I walked Beano. I collected the biggest and moved them to save anyone tripping.

Steve spent some time in the garden y'day, I didn't join him even though he wanted me to. He only wants me there to moan at if things don't go as he wants. I didn't want another run in with Bob the Knob as I would only lose my temper.

Friday 10 March 2023

Give me strength. Updated.

Yesterday Steve talked all day non-stop, mainly about nothing. 

Some days he barely speaks and usually only grunts if I ask him a question. 

Yesterday he talked about the seeds he has sown and whether or not they would survive being planted out. This sounds ok doesn't it, but he repeated the conversation all day. I tried to explain that he was saying the same thing over and over to no avail.

Today he's panicking about the Tesco delivery, he can follow its progress on his phone and does so obsessively. We have no snow so the roads are clear. The shopping is due in about an hour but he's been following it on his phone since he woke up. He is now in panic mode, pacing the floor, checking his phone for updates. He's going out to  the car park with no coat of jumper as he claims he's hot. He isn't hot, he's panicking. There is no need for panic as the shopping isn't due find almost an hour and if it's late it's not a problem. The flat is freezing as he keeps opening the door to go in and out.

These are not unusual behaviours for a stroke survivor but they become tedious pretty quickly.

The shopping finally arrived at 6pm by which time Steve was beside himself. It's now just gone 9 o'clock and Steve has finally stopped twitching and tapping. 

I'm exhausted!

Thursday 9 March 2023

Its a race

My eyes and ears are having a race, will I go blind or deaf first?

I did enquire about a cochlear implant but when the staff had finished rolling on the floor in hysterics they explains that an implant would not be available to me.

I've lost all hearing in one ear due to the size of the vestibular schwanoma and my eyesight is deteriorating rapidly. I'm thankful we moved here where there is no danger of me falling into the canal. Steve is gradually coming to terms with this place though I'm sure if I die first he will move out, though gawd knows where to.

I've received a letter from the local hospital, a follow up on my stroke I can't get to the appointment so I need to let them know. There is no direct bus routes so it would take me ages to get there. They do offer virtual appointments but as I can't hear anything using a telephone it seems rather pointless.

Col asked why I was not still cooking interesting meals. I no longer have any interest, twenty year of trying to provide healthy meals for Steve that accommodate his extreme fussiness has left me disinterested . I still eat reasonably well, I like eggs, cheese and chicken but I have no interest in making anything complicated. As anything I cook is just for me I just want something quick and easy.

Steve loves the air fryer, he can buy frozen food from Aldi and cook it for himself so he can eat any rubbish he wants.

I did make a fish pie a few days ago as Steve had purchased all the ingredients and then decided it was too complicated for him to attempt.

Wednesday 8 March 2023

We have snow

 I don't think it will last long.

Beano doesn't approve, he didn't want to go for a walk this morning.

Tuesday 7 March 2023

What i eat in a day.

Now that's a boring title isn't it!

As I said, some time ago Steve announced that he hated everything I fed him and was going to do his own food.

I  think he was disconcerted by my agreement but I've stuck to my guns and I rarely cook now.

I have cereal for breakfast, currently Shredded Wheat, 1 biscuit a day so a big box lasts ages, I rotate between that and sugar free muesli.

Whilst the weather is still so cold I have 2 toasted crumpets with butter and marmite.

My evening meal consists of a bowl of mixed salad, sometimes I add some tuna or cheese or hummus.

Today I'm making soup, there is some veg left from the roast dinner Steve made on Sunday. I shall eat the soup instead of salad for a few days.

Fruit and veg box

 This is what was in my box today. Carrots, cabbage, spinach, avocado, apples, oranges and a huge beefsteak tomato. I've already eaten a...