Monday 31 October 2022


 I let Beano out early evening yesterday, he set off at speed!

I was extremely surprised as he rarely strays from my side.

I ran after him but by the time I reached the front garden he had crossed the road and was on the grass bank on the other side.

I followed him and made a grab for him, I couldn't pick him up as I'm not steady enough on my feet.

I had a tea towel with me so I looped it through his collar and let him wander about a bit. He'd obviously caught the scent of something.

Eventually I persuaded him to head for home, Steve was looking for me. He went absolutely ballistic and still hasn't really calmed down yet.

I think Beano must have caught the scent of a bitch in heat as he never usually runs off.

Saturday 29 October 2022

Catch up

It seems I  had a stroke  last week. I know I suddenly developed double vision but as I've known for years that I would go blind at some point I just assumed that was what was happening.

It's hard work dealing with Steve and trying to sort out the move and I can't hear clearly anymore so it's all been a bit much.

Most things land on my shoulders or my daughters as Steve really isn't one of life's copers.

Jennie was worried about me so dragged me to the optician to get my eyes checked. The optician sent us to Eye Casualty where  we spent 6 hours being shunted from pillar to post with no clear answer to what was causing my double vision.

Eventually I was sent to Acute Medical where I sat until about 9:30 at which point I was admitted onto a ward. I was sent home yesterday with a carrier bag full of drugs and lots of paperwork and many instructions.

Steve is in full on panic mode and has taken over all the cooking, he is running around like a headless chicken but he means well. 

I walked Beano at 8 this morning and got home to find Steve putting his shoes on and ready to run out the door to look for me. We've since walked Beano twice more, once to the woods and once to Tesco for a wholemeal loaf.

Cass has just dropped off the last few boxes so in the morning I will go through them and hunt for my blood pressure  monitor and re-pack the boxes ready to move.

Friday 28 October 2022


I was released this evening, I've been prescribed medication for all the ills I didn't know I had but nothing for the double vision that is still plaguing me.

Hey ho, Beano is delighted to have me back.

Thursday 27 October 2022


I only slept from 2 until 4 on Wednesday night, last night  was better, I slept from 12 until 4 this morning. I could do with a snooze now but the ward is waking up, I've had my blood pressure taken, I've finally managed to persuade the staff to use the larger cuff and now both numbers are under 250. I've had my finger stabbed and my blood sugar is ok. I was made to sit up as my pulse was so low. These are all my normal, the thing is, I know me so when I say I need a bigger cuff, that means I need a bigger cuff. But it takes a few days of me reiterating this and the staff poo-pooing what I say until everything gets sorted.

I could do with a snooze now whilst it's quiet and the woman opposite has stopped trying to climb out of bed and setting her alarms off but breakfast is on its way and I'm hungry and don't want to miss it.

Let Me Out

I'm currently in hospital, what a palava, I'm hoping to be released tomorrow.

I tried to make an appointment at the Dr's, they refused to see me and insisted I made an opticians appointment.

 The optician sent me straight to Eye Casualty, I arrived just after 11 o'clock in the morning, I got shunted from pillar to post until I finally arrived in acute medical, they insisted I was admitted because my BP was high. Hardly surprising since  I'd been there for 8 hours!

We also have some good news, we should be completing on our flat at the beginning of next week. Is been very stressful as our solicitor disappeared for ages and was ignoring all calls and emails. Yesterday he suddenly reappeared with the completed paperwork.

Tuesday 25 October 2022

Give me strength!

Steve went to bed at 9, I went to bed at 10 as I was tired.

I always stay up at least an hour after Steve goes to bed as its like sleeping on a trampoline.

Steve tosses and turns, bounces and twitches, he is so restless it I end up feeling quite sea sick.

I'm hoping to buy a divan bed when we move as it might be a little more stable.

Mind you I'm beginning to wonder if we will ever move, our solicitor has disappeared and isn't answering our calls.

Saturday 22 October 2022

I think I'm alone now!

 Bob finally arrived just before 11 o'clock as he got lost!

Steve spends a lot of time telling me how wonderful Bob is because he knows I have a pretty low opinion of him.

I replied that racing motorbikes was the reason Bob got lost, he spends most of his time going in circles!

I took Beano out for his second walk and left them chatting, they had gone by the time I arrived home.

I have  a pan of veg soup simmering on the stove, it will do me today and tomorrow, the men will be back at some point tomorrow and I've promised them a Sunday roast, lamb and chicken I think is what I'll do.

The landlord popped round a few minutes ago to say they were away for half term, I'm glad he didn't say anything before Steve left as Steve would have refused to have gone away with Bob.

He is convinced I cannot manage alone and whilst it's challenging as I have such bad double vision it's not impossible.

I shall be so glad when we finally get in to our own flat.

Friday 21 October 2022

Another rainy day.

Steve may go away tomorrow, I hope the weather is better for him.

It limits the walks for Beano as there are some places I won't walk alone in case I fall.

I shall make vegetable soup and eat scrambled eggs whilst I'm alone.

The solicitor is still playing least in site, Steve is still grumpy, I'm looking forward to some peace.

It's half term next week so I'm hoping to see the grandchildren.

Steve walked to the village today to get some cash from the bank, he bought me back an iced bun and a card of hair clips. We ordered some hair clips from Tesco's but they weren't available. They help to hold my eye patch in place as it tends to slip off.

Steve is thinking of buying a TV once we've moved, it might be nice to have one I suppose, it's been a few years that we haven't had one.  Mind you I'm not convinced I'll be able to see it even if we do get one.

Thursday 20 October 2022

Rainy day

Steve and Beano both hate the rain and neither want to go out in it.

I put Beano on the lead at 8:30 and walked him in to the front garden for a widdle, he looked completely dejected but he did comply.

At 10 o'clock we had a Tesco delivery, some of the drivers remember us from the marina which means Steve can chat to them about the why's and wherefore' s of what made us decide to leave.

There was a brief break in the rain so we took Beano out for a very short walk, it was wet underfoot so Beano was keen to return home. I've never had a dog before who hated the rain.

I bought enough stuff to make some soup for my lunches, Steve won't eat home made soup, only Knorr. I don't usually follow a recipe, it's a case of  chuck in a load of veg  and add some lentils. 

Steve may go away for the weekend with a friend, I hope he does, I think we both could do with a break.

Still no word from the solicitors, very tedious, I'm very keen to get moved in and settled especially as my eyesight is deteriorating so fast. 

 At least there is a pelican crossing nearby which will be a great improvement on the current situation. Which is a case of fingers crossed and run. I also have a walking trolley if I'm very unsteady on my feet. if don't use it currently as there is a very steep curb to navigate .

I do apologise for the total boredom of my posts but as I go nowhere and see no one it is difficult to know what to write about.

Wednesday 19 October 2022

Pissed off here.

 Still no audiology appointment.

Still got double vision, appointment next week but not expecting any help.

Still no moving date as the solicitor seems to have disappeared.

Poor DD2 is run ragged sorting everything out.

Steve is going away next weekend with friends.

I will look into getting help once we've moved, thank you, Lincolnshire exile.

Friday 14 October 2022

This is tedious now.

Sally, I will set it up once we get into our flat but I can't until I have a proper address. We are living in a cottage in someone's back garden. Tesco's can find us, but not the postman.

I have to stick to the local chemist until we move , since Covid many chemists seem to be in turmoil.

Jennie has spent the last three weeks trying to get hold of our solicitor for an update, no wonder things are taking so long.

As my eyesight fails I'm getting desperate to get into our flat and get settled.

I need to learn the route for Beano's walks and to the shops whilst I can still see.

Thursday 13 October 2022

Something the cat dragged in!

That's what I feel like this morning!

Hi Pollyanna, so glad you found me.

Yesterday we walked to the chemist, it's a hard walk, we live at the top of one hill, the chemist  is at the top of another hill. We wanted to collect a prescription for Steve, it took hours. Not because we walk slow but the chemist is so disorganised. The prescriptions are kept in so many different boxes and the boxes are stored in different rooms. That's if your prescription is even ready, it often isn't available even if they have emailed to say it is.

It took us almost three hours in total, even Beano was knackered by the time we got home, he didn't want another walk, he slept most of the afternoon.

The sum total of today's activities will be putting the shopping away when it arrives and changing the sheets.

Tuesday 11 October 2022


The boxes from DD1's shed have been repacked and are now taking up a lot less room, they are in the corner of one room.

I have got my walking shoes back and some clothes, Steve wasn't happy with me adding clothes to my wardrobe but tough. I've packed away my two summer dresses and put three winter tops in my wardrobe. I don't have a very extensive wardrobe and although I'm fat, I'm the same size fat I've been for at least ten years.

I will let DD1 know the boxes have all been sorted so she can bring the rest over when she has time.

We've done an online shop for this week, I'm gradually chipping away at the total. Steve will insist on buying brand names, so I delete them and add own brand in its place. We still have some steak in the freezer, so I suggested some cheaper meals and he accepted them.

Sunday 9 October 2022

More stuff

Our little cottage is full of boxes, DD1's shed was on the verge of collapse so she has emptied it and bought our boxes over to us. There are some in the living area and some in the bedroom.

I haven't started unpacking them yet as I need some empty boxes to put the stuff in.

Steve bought boxes when we were getting ready to leave the boat but he bought huge ones. I couldn't lift them when they were full and Steve got cross when I sealed them up half full. The boxes were so big many of them collapsed and were destroyed whilst being moved.

He's now ordered some smaller ones and they should arrive at Jennie's tomorrow. I shall be there to take care of the children before and after school. I shall bring the boxes home with me and start packing them on Tuesday.

I shall get things packed properly and move some stuff into the cupboards here. I may pack up stuff from here into boxes, as the cupboards were pretty full when we arrived but not with stuff we'd use, for example I don't need four full and two part dinner services. So I may pack away some stuff belonging to the cottage so as there is room for our stuff in the cupboards.

No doubt I'll start packing and our move will materialise. I don't care, anything I sort now is less to do when we do move.

Saturday 8 October 2022

Running away to the circus!

Or should I say staggering in the general direction!

There was a circus on the village green where my oldest daughter lives so she took me along. It was a very small circus but great fun. There were ladies in spangly outfits a ringmaster, three clowns and a lady on a bike high in the air.

I had a lovely time, poor little Teddy who is 7 wasn't feeling well so he had lots of cuddles. I haven't seen Arnie the dog for a long time either so he had lots of cuddles too.

Steve decided not to come as he's not keen on the circus so he stayed home to look after Beano.

It was cheap and cheerful and such good fun.

Friday 7 October 2022


We paid the rent again today, there is still no news on our completion date.

Tomorrow I'm going to the circus with DD1 and her family, Beano will stay home with Steve.

Monday I'm spending the day at DD2's as she is out and needs someone to be there when the girls get home.

Explanation for Marlane

 I use a large magnifier to enable me to see words on the screen. I am not blind yet, I just have visual disturbance. I hope this helps.

Thursday 6 October 2022

Thank you

Thanks for all the comments.

I'm reluctant to put a tension pole up in case I mark the wall. It would also mean buying 2 sets of curtains that won't fit anywhere in our next place.

Property is at such a premium in this area that I cannot find anywhere that will allow a short term let, most places insist on a  1 to 2 year let. Also they would not allow me to keep Beano.

Col, if I demand to be allowed to put curtains up I'm pretty sure I'd be asked to leave as there are other people waiting to move in here.

Ellen I can't see the audiology dept providing cochlea implants, but I will ask at my next appointment.I

I hope I've answered all your comments, I apologise if I've missed any.

Macular traction and vestibular schwanoma.

I have Macular traction, this is where the macular becomes misshapen and it gets stuck. This causes distorted vision. It can be released by surgery which allows the macular to regain its correct shape and the vision improves. I have macular traction, not macular degeneration which is a different problem. I had surgery to release the traction in my left eye, it failed, it cannot be done again. I then developed the same traction in my right eye. I wasn't offered the surgery this time. I wouldn't have accepted it if I had. I am not blind, I have some very distorted, blurred vision. Nothing more can be done.

I think I have vestibular schwanoma, it is a form of tumour. I was diagnosed by an audiologist who was overruled by a more senior audiologist. The senior audiologist explained that vestibular schwanoma was not diagnosed at my age as surgery would be too expensive.

So I'm losing my eyesight and my hearing, I'm desperate to hang on to my hearing as being deaf is very isolating. I understand that is hard work trying to communicate with a deaf person. Steve has very little patience with me so most of our interactions are short questions. Am I hot or cold, what times tea, etc. Steve is particularly difficult to understand, I used to rely on lip reading but he covers his mouth with his hands or talks to me without facing me. He gets irritable if I remind him so I don't usually bother. I can't follow conversations in noisy places, I can't follow children's conversations as they are too high pitched, so I miss my grandchildren a lot. I'm hoping to access some help when we get in to our f!at, but I don't hold out much hope.

Wednesday 5 October 2022

An update

The weather is turning chilly and damp, it's overcast today and windy. I think the cottage is going to get very cold over winter as the landlord has decided against putting curtains up.

My daughter is keeping on the solicitors case with regards to our flat but it is having little effect. The holdup is with the company that owns the flats and they are in no rush to complete.

We are paying £1200 a month rent, it's a fair rent for what we have, a bedroom, bathroom and an all in one lounge,kitchen, diner. We cannot rent on the open market as we have no history and we'd need to rent for a one year minimum. We were paying the same for the bedsit above the garage but I really struggled with the stairs there as there was no banister and they were quite steep.

Obviously we'd like to move as soon as possible as every month we stay here is eating into our savings. Mind you, if we'd stayed on the boat we'd be in a worse fix. The mooring fees have skyrocketed, a friend of Steve's phoned him last week, his mooring fees went from £299 pcm to £659 which is a hell of jump.

I've asked for her another referral to the audiology dept. The last one didn't materialise. Jennie phoned on my behalf, to start with she was told I should just "put up and shut up". At my age I needed to realise that bits of me aren't going to work as they did.

Unfortunately my eyesight was damaged by an attempt to repair the macular traction, that eye is now irretrievably damaged. The other eye has developed the same problem but I don't fancy letting the surgeons having another go! 

So I rely on my hearing which has deteriorated recently, one audiologist suggested a reason, vestibular schwanoma. This was some years ago but nothing was done. The head audiologist informed me that treatment wasn't available at my age. They don't want to waste money on someone who is too old to make a useful contribution to life!

And so I battle on, pissed off and battle scarred.

Monday 3 October 2022

Evening all.

 Another long gap between posts, I'm really sorry.

I'm really struggling to think of something to write about.

Heaven knows how long it will be before we can get into our flat.

The place we are staying is lovely but it's incredibly expensive and the rent is eating into the money we have to get things done on our flat.

Lights out again!

Yet again our on-site lights have failed! I'm up and dressed and about to visit our site manager who is due here today. Last time this h...