Saturday

Thankfully we've had no rain today, yesterday it rained almost all day. This meant that Beano did not want to go out. I managed to get him under the nearest tree for as quick wee a couple of times but that was it.

Today Beano has had three very long walks and will go out at least twice more before bedtime.

Steve has turned the heating on for a coup!e of days so it's warm in the living room. We don't use the heating in the rest of the flat.

The unit Steve purchased to go in the bay window is constantly covered in gibble as is the matching unit he purchased to stand the TV on.

We now have a dining table, I'm sure that too will soon be covered, I took a pic as soon as Steve had finished putting it together.

Steve bought the wrong one as this is Grey and doesn't match the other units, nemind

Raining today

It's supposed to rain all day, this means Steve will be moaning and mumping all day.

Yesterday he spent time in the garden, he went to the garden centre with a neighbour. When they came back they planted out the lavender and pinks they had purchased.

Steve also cut back a shrub that was overhanging the path.

Today he is supposed to be putting together the new table he's just purchased, so it will be a day of sulking because of the weather and bad tempered shouting as he tries to build the table and chairs. He didn't read the description before he purchased them and didn't realise they were self assembly!!

A couple  of days ago Steve told me I needed to start cooking again, not the carp I used to cook but 'proper food ' the stuff he's started buying from Iceland. In other words pre-fried food. Steve's always been an extremely fussy eater, I would go so far to say that he is obsessive  about food. He refuses to eat any fruit or vegetables and eats only rubbish.

I'm not really very good with junk food and I tend to burn it.

Reward system

I'm probably not allowed sugar as I'm allegedly diabetic. 

BUT.

Living with Steve isnt easy, especially when the weather is damp and gloomy. He hates rainy days and complains non-stop

He frequently starts moaning within seconds of getting up. And everything that upsets him is my fault. It's my fault we had to leave the boat because I became unwell. 

Today I went to the summer house to join in the quiz, I did very badly as it was a musical quiz and I  couldn't hear the tunes but it was good to be with people who weren't complaining. 

Within seconds of the last quiz questions Steve came over to the summer house with Beano to collect me. My time was obviously up!

In an attempt to avoid a murder charge I have bought a packet of Cadbury chocolate fingers. These I keep in the cupboard, if I manage not to shout at Steve or beat him about the head with a blunt instrument. I allow myself one chocolate finger once he's gone to bed!

Weather

It's rained on and off all day here.

Steve caught the bus into town, he needed some painkillers.

He treated himself to a pub breakfast and even remembered to buy the painkillers.

He also went to Iceland to buy bags of flavoured chicken wings.

Yesterday he suggested I start taking over the  cooking he's beginning to find it tedious cooking every day for himself.

I couldn't cook a meal now, even if I wanted to, the freezer is full of junk food.

Changing the clocks

We only had one that needed changing, the others are automatic.

Steve doesn't cope well when the clocks change, he spends the entire day trying to work out what the time is. He finds it very stressful.

This goes on for a week or two, eventually he accepts the change and calms down.

He went to bed just after 7 o'clock, he was worn out.

I changed the sheets today, Steve complained.

He thinks the sheets wouldn't need changing it I slept elsewhere.

It's just something else to complain about.

He's also complaining that I'm not cooking, he's forgotten that he said everything I cooked was crap. I did tell him that I'm not prepared to waste time cooking if he's going to complain about the food. I'm also not cooking the rubbish he buys.

Good days and bad.

Steve had a couple of bad days, he could have started an argument in an empty room. 

He ranted on and on, everything was wrong!

I'm pretty sure our neighbours can hear him as one of them phoned and persuaded Steve to go and help him in the garden for a few hours.

By yesterday he'd calmed down, he was very chatty and talked non-stop all day. I smiled and nodded, there is no point in me replying as he can't hear me. Not that he is deaf, you understand, I just don't speak clearly.

I was wiped out yesterday as the foxes outside our bedroom window were very active and disturbed Beano, so I'd had very little sleep. I took Beano out twice at 3am and again at 4:30, he paced around, sniffing for the foxes but they were well hidden. I tried sleeping on the sofa in the hopes that Beano would sleep if he couldn't hear them but to no avail.

So I achieved very little y'day apart from dog walking, I could have done with a nana nap during the day but couldn't sleep through Steve's constant chattering.

Twisty toes.

The toes on my left foot are painful, they are twisting again.

Probably the result of wearing FMheels  for a few years.

Nemmind, it was fun while it lasted.

I now own some very comfortable blue suede Mary Janes, wide fitting shoes and of course I still wear Skechers for dog walking.

It's milder here though I don't know how long for but it is incredibly windy, the path was littered with twigs when I walked Beano. I collected the biggest and moved them to save anyone tripping.

Steve spent some time in the garden y'day, I didn't join him even though he wanted me to. He only wants me there to moan at if things don't go as he wants. I didn't want another run in with Bob the Knob as I would only lose my temper.

Give me strength. Updated.

Yesterday Steve talked all day non-stop, mainly about nothing. 

Some days he barely speaks and usually only grunts if I ask him a question. 

Yesterday he talked about the seeds he has sown and whether or not they would survive being planted out. This sounds ok doesn't it, but he repeated the conversation all day. I tried to explain that he was saying the same thing over and over to no avail.

Today he's panicking about the Tesco delivery, he can follow its progress on his phone and does so obsessively. We have no snow so the roads are clear. The shopping is due in about an hour but he's been following it on his phone since he woke up. He is now in panic mode, pacing the floor, checking his phone for updates. He's going out to  the car park with no coat of jumper as he claims he's hot. He isn't hot, he's panicking. There is no need for panic as the shopping isn't due find almost an hour and if it's late it's not a problem. The flat is freezing as he keeps opening the door to go in and out.

These are not unusual behaviours for a stroke survivor but they become tedious pretty quickly.

The shopping finally arrived at 6pm by which time Steve was beside himself. It's now just gone 9 o'clock and Steve has finally stopped twitching and tapping. 

I'm exhausted!

Its a race

My eyes and ears are having a race, will I go blind or deaf first?

I did enquire about a cochlear implant but when the staff had finished rolling on the floor in hysterics they explains that an implant would not be available to me.

I've lost all hearing in one ear due to the size of the vestibular schwanoma and my eyesight is deteriorating rapidly. I'm thankful we moved here where there is no danger of me falling into the canal. Steve is gradually coming to terms with this place though I'm sure if I die first he will move out, though gawd knows where to.

I've received a letter from the local hospital, a follow up on my stroke I can't get to the appointment so I need to let them know. There is no direct bus routes so it would take me ages to get there. They do offer virtual appointments but as I can't hear anything using a telephone it seems rather pointless.

Col asked why I was not still cooking interesting meals. I no longer have any interest, twenty year of trying to provide healthy meals for Steve that accommodate his extreme fussiness has left me disinterested . I still eat reasonably well, I like eggs, cheese and chicken but I have no interest in making anything complicated. As anything I cook is just for me I just want something quick and easy.

Steve loves the air fryer, he can buy frozen food from Aldi and cook it for himself so he can eat any rubbish he wants.

I did make a fish pie a few days ago as Steve had purchased all the ingredients and then decided it was too complicated for him to attempt.

We have snow

 I don't think it will last long.

Beano doesn't approve, he didn't want to go for a walk this morning.

What i eat in a day.

Now that's a boring title isn't it!

As I said, some time ago Steve announced that he hated everything I fed him and was going to do his own food.

I  think he was disconcerted by my agreement but I've stuck to my guns and I rarely cook now.

I have cereal for breakfast, currently Shredded Wheat, 1 biscuit a day so a big box lasts ages, I rotate between that and sugar free muesli.

Whilst the weather is still so cold I have 2 toasted crumpets with butter and marmite.

My evening meal consists of a bowl of mixed salad, sometimes I add some tuna or cheese or hummus.

Today I'm making soup, there is some veg left from the roast dinner Steve made on Sunday. I shall eat the soup instead of salad for a few days.

A walk in the park.

I try to ensure Steve joins me for one of Beano's walks every day. He refused for the first few weeks we were here but has started to join me sometimes.

Steve has hurt his back, I'm not sure how bad it really is but he's certainly complaining a lot. Currently he is complaining that I walk too fast when he comes out with me. In between these complaints he tells me how he'd prefer to go on a 10 mile walk. I've suggested he tries a few longer walks but it seems he can't as it would upset Beano.

He is still complaining about where we live and keeps looking at boats to buy. I expect he'll start viewing boats with a view to buying one soon. It will keep him occupied for a while and the marinas will soon cotton on and stop him wasting their time.

Apart from these problems, life goes on as usual.

We have seed trays around the flat with seedlings in, a rose bush waiting until the threat of frost is past and then it can be planted out. I

Steve is watering Harry's next doors plants as he is away for a couple of weeks and we are storing his post too.

I'm going out on Friday with both my daughters and on Monday to a pop up restaurant, Monday's meal is Mediterranean seafood and in aid of a homeless charity.

Beano

We turned the heating off for a few days but we turned it on again when the temperature dropped, it's going to be -2 tonight. We only use the heating in the living room, neither of us likes a warm bedroom.

I'm managing 6000 steps a day it's not much but it's better than nothing.

Steve has started taking an interest in gardening, long may it last, it's better than just sitting in his chair and sulking. I'm trying to get him to walk Beano with me once a day. He spends most of the walk telling me he'd like to walk 10 miles a day, he managed 2000 steps a day when he walks with me.

Tomorrow he's out with a friend and we have a Tesco delivery, Saturday evening I'm going out for a meal with DD1. Life is just one long whirl of excitement.

We've had a visit from a grumpy neighbour, he told me that Beano isn't allowed in the garden. I said that he was. The neighbour informed me that since he'd been here 9 years it was up to him to make the decision and he'd decided that Beano was not to go in the garden. I told him to fcuk off and shut the door on him. I'm happy to abide by the HA rules but not one stroppy resident. Beano doesn't go in the garden, but he will from now on!

Oh the joys of communal living, I'd been warned that this particular resident is a bully, he got short shrift from me.

Sunday

Thank you for all your comments, Steve is irritating but never aggressive. I meant my marriage vows when I made them and for now I stand by them. If Steve were to leave that would be his decision. I wouldn't tolerate any aggression but as I say Steve some times has a rant but these are mostly caused by  Steve's confusion, depression and frustration.

If we split up, we would neither of us would be able to live in comfort, we'd both have to move to a rented bedsit and I'd have to give up Beano which would be heartbreaking.

I've had a few weeks of feeling feak and weeble as my dad used to say but I've had two consecutive good days with no wobbly legs.  My eyesight is deteriorating, I have glasses issued by the hospital to counteract my double vision so I wear them when I walk Beano. I have macular traction in both eyes, surgery failed and left me with incipient cataracts and a split retina. My hearing is failing too but there is nothing that can be done so I keep buggering on.

Aftereffects of having a stroke.

I'm not sure what name is of the particular post stroke syndrome that Steve is suffering from, I know it affects many more men than women but many Dr's claim to have no knowledge of it.

Steve is convinced that I never shower as I always shower between 7 & 8 the morning as soon as I get up. As Steve doesn't get up until around 10/11 o'clock he isn't aware of me showering so has decided I no longer bother.

He has decided he no longer wants me to cook for him as my cooking is shite. I think he was somewhat disappointed with the enthusiasm I greeted this decision. I'm not a fancy cook but years of cooking for a large family means that I'm a perfectly adequate plain cook. Steve did come to regret this decision when he realised how much effort he would have to put into feeding himself. He eats mainly junk food of the 'throw it in the airfryer' variety though he does cook Sunday dinner, meat and potatoes though no veg. Occasionally I'll cook enough for him if he likes what I'm cooking.

I've started wearing nightclothes at Steve's request as the sight of me naked is disgusting, he still sleeps naked as he is obviously still an Adonis. He no longer wants to have sex with me as I'm far too old, but there are certain things he likes me to do but none of these involve him touching me.

I started to attend the afternoon meetings in the summer house to get to know some of the residents. To start with Steve flatly refused as he had no intention of meeting 'a load of old people'. Once he realised I was enjoying having a social life he decided that he would start to attend and that I would need to stay home with Beano. I still regularly attend the quiz morning's on Wednesday's and any afternoons when Steve doesn't go. To be fair, my poor eyesight and hearing make it difficult for me when I do attend the meeting and actually being alone in the flat with just Beano and without the black cloud sitting in the armchair is a joy in itself.

At last

 

The blinds for our window have arrived and been fitted. As you can see the top of the sideboard is covered in gibble.  Steve has three tables and the windowsill also covered in gibble. He complains regularly about how untidy I am!

I'm extremely glad to be rid of  the curtains that were blocking the bay. 

Within minutes of the fitter leaving, a neighbour knocked on our door. She wondered if she could have the curtain rail as we were no longer using it! I've no idea how she noticed so quickly that the curtains had been taken down. Steve had just finished explaining to me the reasons why he intended to leave the curtain rail in situ (these were basically rubbish) he just couldn't be bothered to take it down. But Steve was steamrollered in to taking the rail down and delivering it to a nearby flat.

Bobbing along

Steve is still cooking for himself and I'm cooking for me, he's not happy with this but it was his choice. He would like me to master the art of cooking ready meals and I've refused.

I'm no longer attending the daily get togethers in the summer house as Steve has decided he wishes to attend. We can't both go as we don't want to leave Beano on his own. In the summer the meetings are in the garden and Beano can come too. I currently can't hear so I wouldn't attend anyway. Maybe by the time Steve loses interest, my hearing will have improved, or maybe this is what I have to get used to.

The complex manager has left, she only started when we moved in but she was heard having a shouting match with a member of staff in the car park a few days ago. We are gradually getting work done on the flat, hopefully it will be finished before a new incumbent is hired!

I'm living with a stroppy teen!

Steve has just asked me how long I'd cook a gammon steak in the oven.

My reply, that I would fry or grill it, didn't go down well.

I'm sorry but that is how I cook gammon, unfortunately my reply was not acceptable.

Steve is now throwing things around on the kitchen, annoyed at how difficult and stupid I am.

Steve is going out on Friday with a friend, he is worried about how I'll cope with the Tesco delivery! I'm really looking forward to a day without being moaned at.

When I announced that I could no longer cope living on the boat I gave Steve the option of staying on the boat and I'd take half the savings and move  into rented accommodation.

Steve didn't want to do this, he wanted to move with me and so chose to sell the boat and buy a retirement flat. I know he wouldn't manage on the boat but that wouldn't have been my problem. I'd spent the previous year suggesting we move to a marina with better  access to transport but the only marina Steve was happy to move to had no room and a long waiting list. 

Just like mother used to make!

My mother was slim, attractive and mostly disinterested in caring for me.  She lived on coffee, cigarettes and gin, the thought of providing regular meals was an alien concept to her. I was a skinny, undersized child with very little to recommend me.

When I left home I learned to cook, my children were well fed as was any person passing through my home.

Steve's mum married very young and started a family almost immediately. She was a loving mother but an appalling cook. But she battled on, I always think of Wendy Craig in Butterflies, trying to feed her family and serving up cold or burnt food.

Some time ago now Steve announced that he would no longer eat what I cooked for him. He didn't like what I cooked and thought he could do better. He wanted to cook and choose all his own food. I think my joyful acceptance of this decision surprised him.

Not long after this, I became ill and I was hospitalised. Steve went ahead with his plan but was forced into providing food for me as I wasn't well enough to shop and cook for myself. Eventually I was able to manage and Steve went back to his original plan. He was somewhat stumped by his inability to cook,  after all, how difficult could it be! After a few weeks he decided that I should be allowed to cook some meals that he felt were too complicated, as in anything that didn't go from packet to air fryer to plate.

He has been trying to master cooking a roast dinner. He was really delighted with yesterday's attempt. It was almost identicaI to his mother's roast dinner! The meat was cooked through and very difficult to slice  so I only had two small pieces. He'd cooked a cauliflower floret and some sprouts just for me, he no longer eats veg, they were beige and soft. His roast potatoes were  smothered with mixed herbs to disguise their lack of colour. The gravy was thin and barely brown. I know I shouldn't be ungrateful but I found it difficult to eat a reasonable amount. Steve enjoyed it all and announced he thought he'd finally mastered cooking a decent roast! 

I need to find an acceptable excuse for not eating Sunday dinner but heaven knows how.

Piggy in the middle

One day when I was in the summer house a neighbour made some strange comments about me watching tv too loud and glared at me. I was confused as I wear headphones or use subtitles. After a couple of hours I realised that she could probably hear Steve watching stuff on his tablet.

I mentioned this to him and he  purchased four different sets of headphones. It took him a while to find some that were comfortable. This was ok for a couple of days, but yesterday he wasn't wearing them and I could hear the resident next door banging and crashing in her kitchen. I'm assuming that was her way of communicating her displeasure. So after a we'd eaten I suggested he put his headphones on. He immediately threw a strop, shouted at me, claimed his tablet wasn't loud and that I was being difficult as he couldn't possibly be disturbing anyone  and went off to bed in a strop. I work on the theory that if I can hear something it's too loud and I could hear his tablet. Which is why  mentioned it.

So now what do I do? I don't wish to fall out with the neighbours but I do struggle to get Steve to behave reasonably. He is convinced he isn't deaf and that I and other people are complaining for no reason!

Can't tell my fish from my chips.

Sometimes on a Friday we have a takeaway, either fish and chips or a Chinese.

Last week we had fish and chips it was very tasty but I couldn't tell until the food was in my mouth wether I had a mouthful of fish or chips, that how bad my eyesight is now. Chinese food is easier, the rice is mainly white and as I usually have satay it's usually peanut butter colour.

Steve is still refusing to mix with the neighbours, heaven knows what tale of woe he will tell them if/when he finally gets over his self isolation. I will be blamed I'm sure. 

All I can do is carry on and hope for the best though it is irritating to be blamed  for Steve's decisions.

All things white and beautiful

Walking Beano, everywhere looks so beautiful, such a heavy frost.

The grass outside our window has been white all day with no sign of a thaw.

The cobwebs on the bushes and letter boxes are thick and white.

Bloody freezing

The garden outside is white with frost it's not thawed all day.

I'm sat under a blanket as it so cold

Steve is cooking breast of lamb, he bought a piece big enough to serve 8 but there is only the two of us.

He covers the potatoes with mixed herbs, less is not more when Steve is cooking. He can't manage roast potatoes so he does herb potatoes. 

He has decided not to eat any vegetables any more but will cook some for me. He wanted to take over all the cooking as he's decided that everything I cook is crap. But after a couple of weeks he lost interes, I think he realised it wasn't as easy as he thought.

My foot is very painful, probably self inflicted, I have a very bad habit of sitting on my feet so I've probably damaged them.

Knackered

We had a Tesco delivery due this morning, Steve was up, dressed and following it's progress in plenty of time. After pacing around the flat panicking, he eventually walked up to the car park. I know the numbering system here is confusing but I'm sure the driver would either find us or phone for more information. Steve met the van and escorted the driver to our flat.

Next, the plumber arrived, he's been here before and he was early so he arrived before Steve began to panic.

This evening Steve ordered fish and chips via Just Eat, again, after pacing the floor and following the delivery on his phone he went up to the car park again. He was convinced someone else would receive our delivery. Eventually he returned with the fish and chips and we were able to eat.  I did suggest he spoke to our Dr about his panicking but as usual he refused.

He must find this constant pacing and panicking exhausting, I certainly do.

His head phones arrived this morning but he has decided he doesn't need them so he is reading instead of watching YouTube. I've told him he must wear them otherwise the neighbours will complain again.

Thursday

I was checking online for information about gout. The Daily Wail carries an article about how sex improves gout. I may tell Steve just to watch him recoil in horror! 

Steve's personality has undergone a dramatic change since he had his stroke a few years ago. He has reverted to being a teenager in some ways and it gets worse as time goes on I was probably hurt to start with but now his behaviour rarely bothers me.

He refuses to eat fruit and veg and has a very limited and unhealthy diet, he wants only junk food to eat and complains that I  can't cook it like his mum. His mum was a lovely lady, but no cook, everything was either undercooked or boiled a mush.

I currently wear nightclothes in bed at his request as the sight of my naked body made him feel sick. He seems to think he has the body of an Adonis as he still sleeps naked.I

Sometimes he's unpleasant to me in front of friends and can't understand why the tell him not to speak to me that way.

Yesterday I had a good day, cold and frosty but best of all dry. Beano and I went out for three walks and two of them were quite long. I shall be glad when the footpaths dry out as I currently cannot get to the nearby park as the access is ankle deep in mud. Even with wellies on I struggle as the mud is thick and very clingy.  Beano and I miss the park as it's his only chance to walk off the lead. On the tow path he was never on the lead.

I'm hoping Steve will join in with the gardening when the weather improves, I think it would do him good to get some fresh air and do something outside.

Steve has gout.

Not for the first time, he seems to get it once a year. I know it's painful, I had it once myself.

To ensure that we don't bump Steve's foot, Beano and I are squished onto the very edge of the bed during the night.

Hopefully his prescription will arrive today, I went y'day to buy the specific painkillers he takes, there is only one sort he will take, they can only be purchased from a pharmacy and he never thinks to stock up, or keep some in the first aid box. 

Since we've been here he hasn't wanted me to catch a bus as my bus pass hasn't arrived yet. But the amount of pain he was in changed his mind. The busses are every 15 minutes and the service seems to arrive on time.

Unfortunately there were 17 people in front of me in the queue at the pharmacy, so I had a long wait!

It was raining quite hard when I left the shop but I didn't have long to wait for the bus home. Today I'm going to the Aldi at the top of the road so no bus needed. I'd asked Steve if he wanted anything else before I left b'day but it wasn't until I returned home that he though of something he needed.

Lunch out with friends

Our boating friends, Clive and Wendy visited today with Daisy the dog.

We went to a nearby pub for lunch, Clive and I had roast turkey, Steve and Wendy had the triple roast, turkey, beef and pork. Both these meals were served with lots of veg, a large Yorkshire pudding and gravy. We all managed a pudding too, Wendy and I had creme brulee, Steve had a brownie and Clive had fruit crumble. We came home for coffee and more chat, Steve has been quite cheerful all day. 

I'm sure if he would socialise more he would be in a better frame of mind but he does love a good sulk.

Rambler, yes Steve is on anti depressants heaven knows what he'd be like otherwise.

I tried, i really did.

Steve is really unhappy here, he is refusing to mix with 'all the old people'. I'm gritting my teeth and ignoring his complaints, it's not like I can make our neighbours any younger is it.

I'm hoping that when the weather improves he will meet more people but he is extremely stubborn.

He used to enjoy gardening when we lived in a house and he could do that here, there is a bed that is ours and he could plant things in it. I don't make many suggestions as he is constantly looking for an argument and I'd rather not give him the opportunity.

When I go to the summer house to chat with the neighbours I often suggest he should come to, but he refuses. I know he's finding it difficult and he can't understand why I'm not putting the flat on the market and rushing to buy another boat.

To be honest he used to complain endlessly when we lived on a boat, especially towards the end when he couldn't actually manage. He was always full of plans to travel the Thames, including the tidal part, or even to take the boat across the Wash. No doubt in a few years he will have convinced himself he did all these things.

I found life on the boat very hard, not only did it require muscles I no longer have, so operating the lock gates was difficult. But also I was very isolated, before we gave up the boat I made various suggestions that would have made my life less isolated. Such as moving to a marina where there was a club house, or to a busy mooring where there were people around. I suggested moving to a mooring near Stroke Club so I could continue to cook for them. 

Steve was adamant that none of my suggestions were workable, so eventually I told him I was no longer well enough to continue boat life. I did suggest I look for sheltered, rented accommodation and that Steve could stay on the boat. He refused!

Prescriptions by post.

I've just ordered mine and Steve's prescriptions by post, it will save hiking to the pharmacy to collect them. I really hope they work out ok, I will get such an earbashing if they don't!

It's got to be easier than trying to catch numerous buses to collect them. Mind you setting up the orders has taken me four days and it wasn't all my fault.  Steve cannot understand what I've done and keeps panicking and yelling at me!

Hey ho if it works it will be good.

Mrs G, I will look into that software, so far I've only found it for phones and I use a tablet.

Chinadogs,  I'm hoping to find a neighbour who would walk with me occasionally, it would do Steve good to walk more but he is currently enjoying his post Christmas sulk.

Joan, I will look in to Sense and see what they can offer, thank you.

Flis, you have all my sympathy, it's not easy is it.

Sporadic posts

New year, new blog post.

Another year and  as usual some people are starting the the new year with a financial challenge. Counting up their money and money off coupons and seeing how long they can make 11 shillings and sixpence  last. Some of the challenges are interesting but some are just a litany of unlikely boasts.

Each to their own, I shan't be doing this, I shan't make any New Year resolutions either. I shall keep plodding on. My blogging is sporadic, some times I struggle with Steve's behaviour. He thinks he is behaving normally but he isn't. He is very unreasonable. I also struggle with my sight as it is failing and some things are difficult. I have very bad double vision, I have glasses issued by the hospital that sometimes help but not always. On days where it's very bad, walking Beano is to risk life and limb. Sometimes Steve will walk with me but not always and not at all currently as he hates Christmas and sulks for weeks.

We are having a lot of rainy days at the moment and Steve and Beano both hate the rain.

Steve met his friend Bob in Reading y'day and came home drunk as a skunk and irritable to boot, mind you, irritable is his default setting. I may try and persuade him to come to some of the afternoon meetings in the summer house. I feel his determination to hate the flat and everyone in them has meant he is unhappy and isolated. I know how he feels as I found the isolation of living on the boat very difficult to deal with.

My eyesight is also the reason my posts are sporadic, sometimes I know what I want to post about, but after typing the same four lines numerous times and only managing garbage, I give up and  don't bother to post at all.