Motherhood.

Motherhood is not for everyone, I have a great deal of sympathy for people who wish to become a mother and can not, for whatever reason.

I also have a great deal of admiration for people who decide to remain childfree for whatever reason.

I loved being a mother, it was the best time of my life though neither my mother or my mother-in-law approved of the way I brought up my children.

Both of them considered themselves to be perfect mothers and so did not approve of my way of doing things. I decided how I wanted to bring up my children and then read a lot of books until I found one that aligned with my views. This meant whenever my mother in law complained that I was doing it all wrong I simply pointed her in the direction of my chosen book.

My mother had worked in a nursery before she married, she believed that babies should be handled as little as possible and left to scream themselves to sleep. My mother planned, when she married to have two or three children, starting with a son, these children would be impeccably behaved at all times. Unfortunately I was not the male child she believed should have arrived  first and by the time I was three months old my mother placed me with a child minder and returned to work as a school teacher. She regularly changed child-minders although I don't know why and I only remember one of them. A lady with three adult sons of whom I was terrified. I spent most of my time there tied to a table leg and hiding under the table in the kitchen.

As I was a timid and well behaved child my mother started taking me to work with her. She was a supply teacher,  mainly working in the reception class and as there were between 30 and 40 children in the class, one more didn't make much difference. My mother eventually realised that she preferred dogs to children and from then on whichever dog we owned was always her favourite. The only thing I ever remember my parents arguing about was that my mother preferred our dog to me. I was, however, my father's favourite.

When I had my first child my mother in law visited me whilst I was still in hospital recovering from an emergency c-section, I had placenta previa and the placenta had ruptured. Fortunately I was alone in a small four bed side ward. My son was in the special care baby unit as he was a few weeks premature. My mother in law stormed in to the ward I was in and immediately started screaming  at me, she insisted that my placenta previa was proof that I was immoral and proof that my baby was not her son's child. A staff nurse walked in as she'd heard the screaming and came to see what the problem was. The staff nurse threw my mother-in-law out and she was not allowed to visit me in the hospital again. Obviously her behaviour affected my husband's feelings about our firstborn and he was very  suspicious, Fortunately both my sons are the image of their dad so there can be no doubt about thier paternity.

The Mohawk.

He isn't a friend of mine, he is a social worker. 

I'm on Cass's list as a back up carer for the foster children and therefore I have to have a DBS check (this is to ensure I don't have a police record or any history of being unsafe around children). If I had a police record for any minor crimes such as shoplifting this wouldn't stop me being a back up carer for Cass but I've never been accused of anything criminal.

I've been checked before as I used to work in a school as well as being checked as a back up for Cass, she has been a foster carer for many years now.

Upsetting the neighbours.

When I first moved here one of the neighbours was sending the delivery drivers away as he believed no-one here would be internet savvy and ordering on line.

Another neighbour complained about my grandchildren visiting me, she doesn't like seeing unaccompanied children near her bungalow. My grandchildren are 12, they don't walk near her bungalow as they live the other side of the village and they are polite. This is the same neighbour who doesn't think I should go to the pub on my own for lunch.

I don't have a lot of patience with this sort of idiocy but I've made allowance for people being elderly and insular.

I'm now going to upset the neighbours all over again. I have a visitor due next week who, I've been told, has a multicolored mohawk and lots of tattoos. I await the resulting brouhaha with interest!

Memory

Memory can be a strange thing can't it.

Y'day I was walking Beano when someone stopped to speak to me, she is someone I see regularly when I'm the village. She is very friendly and we often have a brief chat when she makes a fuss of Beano.

She is a tall, well built lady and she was wearing a long floaty top over a vest and trousers, the top was a dark brown leopard print. As I was chatting to her I was suddenly overcome with nausea, I could smell cigarettes and Revlon Intimate perfume.  The person I was speaking doesn't smoke. I remember my mother having a dress in an identical print, wearing the Revlon Intimate and she was a very heavy smoker for many years, though she did give up a couple of years before she died.

I felt quite discombobulated for the rest of the day yesterday and I'm still a little bothered by it now.

Is it a sign?

I've often thought that I should hang a sign on my back when I'm walking Beano or walking to the shop. 

The sign would say I'm not pissed, I've had a stroke!

Although it was years ago that I had my stroke my balance is still buggered. I'm more stable on my feet than I was at first but I still wobble a bit and sometimes I stagger. When I first had the stroke I walked with a stick for extra support but Steve hated me using a stick as it made me look old and reflected badly on him so I managed without. I also walk more here than when I lived with Steve as he disliked me going out to the shops or walking Beano. I suggested many times that he was walked Beano with me as I would feel safer, he did finally walk with me on one walk, the day before I left him!

I now need a second sign to hang on Beano when the weather is hot.

This one would say She's not walking me, I'm walking her!

 People see me waking along the pavement with Beano and don't realise I'm literally a few meters from my front door. Beano refuses to go to the toilet in his own garden (I've no idea why) and so we walk down the garden path beside my grass, to the pavement where there is a grass verge. There Beano will happily empty himself and then we walk back along the garden path and back indoors.

The button tin.

This week has been quiet so far, no Autumn group as the heat meant to boat trip was cancelled. 

Beano is only having very short walks ear!y in the morning and late at night as it's just too hot out for him during the day.

I've been pottering around indoors. I'm doing a little crochet but the blanket is heavy and too warm to work on for long.

Eventually I decided to sort out my button tin as all the buttons were jumbled together.

The tin contains buttons that belonged to my grandmother and my mother. Some of the buttons bring back memories, other's, I haven't a clue where they came from.

There are many small mother of pearl buttons that my grandmother used when she knitted dresses and matinee jackets for me when I was a baby.

The large maroon buttons that matched a gaberdine mac that my mother wore when I was a small child. I remember her wearing the mac when we lived in Lincolnshire so I was about four or five years old.

There are a lot of the leather buttons that look like half a football, these have a metal shank and are left over from when my mother used to knit Aran cardigans to sell.

There are a few fabric covered buttons, one in particular is covered in white poly-cotton with small pink flowers on it. This was from my first wedding dress, which was a Laura Ashley copy. My mother in law, told me I should have worn mauve, as mauve was the colour for soiled goods, her son and I were living together before we married. My first mother in law was a real treasure!

I also made my second wedding dress, this was made from a Vogue pattern in red lace but had no buttons.My second mother in law was lovely, I always say she was my prize for not murdering my first one.

More posts than fence.

Chris, yes there are hedgehogs around, I want to encourage them to visit my garden regularly.

One of my fence panels is disintegrating, it's not a full panel just part of one, filling the gap between the wall of the bungalow and my garden gate. I've asked the local handyman to quote to replace it. I think it's been bashed by someone passing by. One of the nearby properties was recently emptied by a clearance company and the paths are very narrow.  Otherwise it seems strange that it should have suddenly disintegrated.

A neighbour is having her fence replaced as the existing one is falling apart, neither set of existing fence posts are being removed so there will be three sets of posts between the four panels.