Feeling insecure

Not me, Beano is insecure despite being with me for ten years now.

This bungalow is only a little bigger than the flat and the flat was slightly smaller then the narrow boat we had when we first got Beano.

Despite this Beano has always followed me from room to room. When I do the washing up or I'm cooking, he sits on his mat in the kitchen. If I go to the toilet he sits on my feet, when I'm in the shower he sits on the bath mat. He seems to think I'll disappear if he doesn't keep his eye on me.

Today I was using the sewing machine which is on a desk between the sofa and the arm chair. The desk is about four inches away from the sofa and only two inches from the chair. Beano got off the sofa and eyed up the stool I was sitting on he eventually decided there wasn't room for him on the stool so he climbed on to the arm chair so he was slightly nearer to me.

When we go to bed at night Beano wriggles around until his back legs are pressed against my side. That way he will know if I leave the bed and he can come and find me. When I go to the bathroom during the night he wakes but doesn't usually follow me, he will wait until I return to bed and the wriggle around until his legs are once again pressed against me.

Crocodile.

Walking Beano on his second walk of the day we headed up towards the big school. At one point we were overtaken by a crocodile of children from the little school, they were heading there for their swimming lessons.

I stepped to one side and shortened Beano's lead, I didn't want him to suddenly shoot across through the crocodile in search of an exciting smell.

I reassured the children and staff that Beano was friendly, at that, most of the children turned to make a fuss of him. Beano lapped up all the attention, he never jumps up at anyone apart from me but he stood there surrounded by children all of them reaching down to stroke him. He wagged his little stumpy tail, absolutely delighted with all the attention.

Beano makes a new friend.

Although I own a dog I'm not specifically a dog lover, I'm an animal lover.

Beano wasn't supposed to be my dog, when Steve had his stroke he was told to take more exercise, therefore he wanted a dog.

He would have liked something big and powerful but as we lived in a narrow boat I insisted on something smaller.

As I expected, Steve lost interest in Beano within weeks of us getting him. He would have happily returned him to the dogs home without compunction but I felt that was unfair as Beano was settling in nicely and so we kept him. I had already taken over feeding and walking him almost immediately as Steve couldn't be bothered, so Beano showed an obvious preference for me.

Once I moved here I soon realised that this small estate is cat central. Most of the cats run at the sight of Beano but if they don't run Beano is perfectly happy to make friends. Despite being a terrier breed he shows no aggression towards cats, rabbits or guinea pigs. He does however hate squirrels with a passion and will chase them.

Yesterday as I walked to my garden to hang out some washing, one of the local cats strolled past me and into my bungalow. Beano took no notice at all. This cat will walk up to Beano and bump noses with him. Today when I was hanging washing out a different cat made its way into my bungalow. When Beano and I walked back in doors the cat crept past Beano very cautiously but Beano didn't chase it.

Sunny days.

It's been sunny now for a few days, still very cold first thing but it soon warms up.

I didn't go to watch the play at the village hall in the end, I'm so  deaf it would have been a wasted ticket. Instead I babysat for Cass and she went with two friends.

There will be another play in a few months and maybe I'll have my new aids by then.

Today I've spent some money online, stocked up on stuff for Beano and some wild bird food. I've drawn out some cash and put some in some envelopes so I have it ready for when I need it for things that crop up during the month.

I shall do an online shop at some point and I shall go to the pub for lunch on some days. There is also the Autumn group meetings that I need to pay for so I have a collection of £1 coins ready for those.

Now I have my sewing machine set up I'm able to stop and start as I choose, no more having to set it up and put it away again repeatedly. I also have my iron and ironing board set up ready for use.

I received a telling off last week from someone, I missed a meeting and as I'm too deaf to use a landline I was unable to let them know. The person I did tell, forgot to pass on the message, hence the telling off!

Hey ho, if my deafness is such a problem for them I shall stop going. I find some groups are more inclusive than others.

A walk in the woods.

Sunny today but still a chilly start, Beano only likes a quick walk first thing but we go on a set route. Left to his own devices Beano would always walk to the pub to see his friend George but I insist on a variety of walks. The early morning walk goes along by the flood plain  which is still under water.

Once we arrived home I put Beano through the front door and went to the village shop, I didn't need much, just bread, butter and bananas, the shop sells bananas in threes which is good, they don't get time to go brown before I eat them. I also went to the Drs surgery to collect a prescription, I've already received this item once but didn't feel like explaining this to the very grumpy receptionist so I just collected the script without comment.

It had warmed up by the time Beano was ready for his second walk so we set off for the woods. I can let him off his lead in the woods as he never goes far from my side I also took a carrier bag with me and filled it with the rubbish (mainly sweet wrappers) that I found. 

I only saw one other person in the woods she had a border collie with her, it was on its lead and seemed very well behaved.

Once we arrived home Beano snuggled down for a sleep and I read for a while. I've finished The Other Bennett Sister and really enjoyed it. My  current book is Broken Ground by Val Mcdermid an author who's books I really enjoy.

Litter picking reward.

I'm still litter picking when I walk Beano, now the kids are back at school there is usually quite a lot of rubbish to pick up.

Worse than the sweet wrappers dropped by children is the vape rubbish and lots of it.  There is always a lot of discarded vape rubbish around.

On the bright side those who drop rubbish also drop money £4.67p last week.

I have sorted out my summer dresses, there were three given to me by my late friend Betty, Betty was a lot taller than me and a size 18. I have decided to make a quilt with the fabric from her dresses. That way I always have something to remember her by.

I started clearing a corner of the garden, I found some bricks that I have used to separate it from the rest of the garden. One of my neighbours offered to dig it over for me as he's bored, I accepted his offer so now there is a bed ready for planting.

Sexual assault.

I've given this post a very clear title, so if this subject upsets or triggers you in any way please feel free to pass it by and don't read it.

I have been sexually assaulted four times.

I don't mean men copping a feel or groping me though those things did happen, I mean fairly serious sexual assaults.

The first time I was about four years old, it was the father of a playmate. He did this about four or five times. My family moved to a different area so the abuse stopped.

The next assault happened whilst I was at junior school so I was under eleven years old. It was after school and I was waiting for the underground train that I travelled on every day to and from school. A man came up to me grabbed my hands and at the same time tried to kiss me, ramming his tongue into my mouth. My fingers were gripped and pushed down and I felt something strange and spongy. It was years before I realised that he'd been forcing my hands onto his erect penis.

I didn't tell my mother about these events as I was aware I'd get into trouble, looking back I cannot understand why I would have been in trouble but I'm sure I would have been.

When I was a teenager I was not a timid teen, I went regularly to the local cinemas with a group of three or four friends. We would sit in one of the rows starting from the aisle  I was always the one who sat in at the middle as you could almost guaranteed that some perv would come along and try groping me. The reason I sat where I did was because if someone did sit next to me and try to touch me I would immediately stand up and shout out a complaint. I lost count of the number of dirty old men who were thrown out of the cinemas in Putney because of me.

As I said I wasn't a timid person but the next assault happened when I was sent by my female office manager to deliver some paperwork to a rep staying in a nearby hotel. I was about 16 the man I was delivering the paperwork to was in his 40's I was told to take the paperwork to his room and once I was there he locked the door and made a very serious attempt to rape me. I put up a spirited defence, scratched his face and kneed him between his legs and fought him off. When I returned to work I made a complaint to my office manager who told me that I was making a fuss about nothing and not to be so silly. I left that job shortly afterwards.

The final assault happened when I stayed the night with a work colleague, she and her boyfriend had cooked a meal and we had a pleasant evening with a few drinks. Eventually we all went to bed but I was woken up some time afterwards when the boyfriend came into the room I was sleeping in and tried to get into bed with me. He said his girlfriend had refused to have sex with him and had fallen asleep. He expected me to provide what he was missing, I fought him off and pulled handfuls of hair from his head. This finally persuaded him I was not interested in having sex with him.

I was then free of attacks until towards the end of my first marriage, but I've posted about that before so I won't repeat myself.