Sunday, 17 February 2019

The perils of being a short arse.

I once had a kitchen fitted and had to get the fitter, who was 6ft tall to lower the cupboard shelves as I couldn't reach them.

I did aquarobics for a few weeks but kept getting told off for swimming when I should have been walking, trouble was when I walked the water came over my head!

I cannot have an oven set in a tall unit as I can't reach to get things off the oven shelves.

I cannot reach a microwave what it is fitted above an oven.

I once had a rented flat where I couldn't see myself in any of the mirrors.

I struggle to get in and out of people carriers and trucks.

I get back ache on most chairs and sofas.
I get swollen ankles when I go out for a meal or to the pub as my legs don't reach the floor and they dangle.

Getting on to a bar stool is almost impossible.

Even when I lower the sun shield in a car the sun shines underneath it.

Car seat belts always cut across my neck even when on the lowest setting.

To reach the pedals in a car my nose is almost touching the windscreen.

I cannot reach the middle of my car windscreen to scrape the ice off.

I cannot reach things on the top shelves in a supermarket.

I struggle to hang washing on a rotary line.

I cannot see over the top of the boat to steer it.

Saturday, 16 February 2019

Conversation stopper

I was up and out just after 7 yesterday morning, it was foggy and icy and I had to scrape the icy from my windscreen.

I was doing so along side another boater called Nev.

I said good morning and asked if he was ok, he didn't seem to be his usual cheery self.

'Not really' Nev replied 'I've not seen Bernie for a while' Bernie is his girlfriend.

'I went for a walk along XXXX road to look for her and she was with another bloke.'

I was at  bit of a loss to know how to reply to this, for one thing surely if he wanted to contact his girlfriend wouldn't it be usual to phone her of go to visit her.

The other thing is that the road he mentioned is the local red light district!

Thursday, 14 February 2019

Now there's a terrifying thought.

No doubt some of you who have followed my blog for years will remember that the final straw that finished my first marriage was my husband's insistence on swinging (wife swapping).

I read recently that the Krankies were avid swingers, I think if they had presented themselves to my ex that may have killed his desire to swing, stone dead!

His  polyembolokoilamania was doing a good job of ruining the marriage all on it's own. I'm suffering currently from one of the medical problems caused by this, it's a re-occurring problem.

I must be one of the few people who can  shock a Dr or nurse as they are usually pretty blasé about most things. I usually manage the problems myself but occasionally I need treatment, when this happens I write  polyembolokoilamania on a piece of paper and suggest the Dr googles it, it saves me trying to pronounce it as well as explaining the symptoms.

Wednesday, 13 February 2019

Save the date.

It looks like the house sale will be completed on 22nd February.

I was originally told 1st March but now it has been brought forward.

DD and I have been to-ing and fro-ing emptying the shed.

One more trip is needed as DD wants some of the pots of plants from the garden.

I have canceled direct debits for the house insurance and the council tax, they go out on the 1st of the month.

Wednesday, 6 February 2019

Death throes

My tenants hve moved out and the hassle they have caused over the last few months is in it's death throes.

I went to check the house over and empty the shed ready for the new owners to take over.

The house has been cleaned and is immaculate.

The garden and decking has been trashed, for some reason they covered the decking with thick plastic and stacked boxes on it covered in more plastic.

They have also had it away with my fridge/freezer, lawn mower, strimmer and assorted garden tools.

Hey ho it's nearly over!!

Monday, 4 February 2019

You couldn't make it up.

DD told me something funny yesterday, she and her siblings visit their grandma Edith in the nursing home fairly regularly, Edith has dementia and breast cancer but is still going strong. 

Anyway Edith decided she no longer used the very ancient pc that she had taken to the nursing home with her, so she asked DD to collect it next time she visited.

Somehow my ex got wind of this and decided that the pc may have some value and thought he should have it rather than DD. 

To this end he visited the nursing home before DD to claim the machine, bearing in mind the pc is about 20 years old I have no idea what possessed him to do this. 

Unfortunately as he has never visited his mother in 10 years she has been in the nursing home the staff didn't recognised him and when Edith refused to let him have the pc and an argument ensued, the staff took Edith's side and threatened to call the police. 

So Edith was upset, the ex was furious, eventually Edith's other son who does visit though only occasionally was allowed by Edith and the staff to collect the machine. 

As the ex and all the male members of the family have top of the range, state of the art pc's/laptops/tablets etc, heaven only know what was going through the ex's mind. 

Best of all, DD was going to pass the pc on to her dad once he said he wanted it as she all to pleased not to have to dispose of it herself.

The perils of being a short arse.

I once had a kitchen fitted and had to get the fitter, who was 6ft tall to lower the cupboard shelves as I couldn't reach them. I did ...