Race memory

My paternal grandfather died when I was 3 months old, I obviously have no memory of him though I have seen photos. 
He was a foreman in a brickmakers and he always wore a weskit or waistcoat.
Every time he stood up he straightened his weskit in the same way, he grasped the bottom edge and rugged it left right left and two pats to the bottom button. 
When my oldest son stands up he does exactly the same with his shirt, left right left and two pats to the bottom button.

My youngest son has many of my dad's voice mannerisms, when my dad first died I nearly cried every time I spoke to my son they hadn't spent enough time together for it to be mimicry.

When I went to A&E with DD1 and Dgd I noticed that Dgd curled her pillow the same way I curl mine, in an effort to find a cool bit.

Crick in my neck

We are in Crick, staying at the Holiday Inn. We went to the Crick boat show preview day yesterday it was easy to get around as it wasn't too busy. 

Unfortunately apart from the ice cream van, most of the stalls I wanted to see don't open until today. I'm hoping that Beano will stay with Steve whilst I have a look around.

I didn't sleep well last night I seem to be allergic to something in the room, also the bed is very small and what with Steve sleeping like a starfish and Beano wanting his share it was very cramped.

I will start training Beano when we return home but there hasn't been time so far between getting him settled and coming away.

I'll tell you what I want

What I really really want.

I want a cream tea with decaf tea and a mooch round a couple of charity shops. My DD's have promised to arrange something soon, well as soon as the measles have left the building.

I'm sorry if I made some of you cry, it is what it is and I think it is better to let people know what the hidden effects of a stroke can be. There is very little official information and I was certainly given to believe that Steve's behaviour was not connected with his stroke and would improve. Mind you I was also assured that there was lots of help available and there isn't. What help is available is hedged about be all sorts of criteria that we  don't fit. I have to say that the Stroke Association Club have been absolutely fantastic and someone there is always happy to listen to me whinging on.

If, by blogging I can make someone else feel less alone, make them understand that these are common symptoms affecting stroke survivor's, then I shall be happy.

Helen, we weren't in Newbury, so it wasn't our boat but Newbury is a lovely place.

Twiggymoon in some ways it would be good for Steve to return to work but he isn't well enough to do the job. He has a meeting with HR in June to discuss his exit strategy. He has another 4 months on half pay sick pay, I assume they'd like to stop paying it.
I can understand this but it wouldn't be fair.
There has been a suggestion from the medical team that he should look for a part time office job but it's not what he's used to and I cannot see anyone being keen to employ him at his age.

I'm sorry not to mention each of you by name but your comments and support are heart-warming and greatly appreciated. 

Today we moved to the marina, we are going away this weekend and we don't want to leave the boat unattended on the cut. Beano and I walked 5 miles in 74deg heat, but he was game and trotted beside me happily. We did it as 3 separate walks and he had access to fresh water regularly.

I cooked chilli this evening, I put some of the mince aside for Beano after it was browned and before I added any flavourings, he had this with some brown rice and some of his James Wellbeloved food. He is fast asleep on the sofa and has been for some time.

Just to end on a more normal, for me, note. Whilst I was opening one of the bridges, I was shouted at by an irate dog owner, it seems it was my fault that she needed to cross the bridge immediately as she couldn't control her dog. My dog was standing patiently beside me. I thought of many intelligent and articulate replies whilst she stood the other side of the canal ranting at me.
But I waited until I'd closed the bridge, she had crossed it and was eyeball to eyeball and replied with two words, the second one was OFF.

I miss you

I was talking to someone at stroke club, her husband died seven years ago and she said she still misses him every day.

I miss my husband too.

I miss the way you used to sit beside me on the sofa, now you sit at the breakfast bar on a bar stool.

I miss the way we used to make each other laugh.

I miss you kissing me hello and goodbye.

I miss you copping a feel every time you walk past me.

I miss the way you used to read things out loud that made you laugh.

I miss just being able to have a conversation with you, every conversation now turns into a row as you find everything so confusing.

I miss you giving me a hug.

I miss sex, all you want now is a 68.

I miss your godawful jokes that you'd told me a hundred times before and I still laughed.

I miss you nudging me to point out a pair of sexy shoes, you always had a thing for stilettoes.

I miss the way you trusted me with money and never questioned what I'd spent it on. Now you question every Amazon purchase and get annoyed when I can't remember, even though the reason I can't remember is because it's something you have bought.

I miss the way you were never suspicious if there was a number you didn't recognise in my phone. It broke my heart today when you found that postcode written on a scrap of paper and started to interrogate me about it, you didn't recognise it even though it was the post code for your best friends new address.

I miss the way you used to hug me if I cried. I've never been much of a crier but now you shout at me and ask what I've got to cry about as you are the one who had a stroke. I've only cried twice since October.

I even miss the way you used to hump me if I was bent over.

Most of all I miss the way you used to love me.

Thank you for all your comments, if I do stop blogging, it won't be because of some nasty comments on my blog.
Cumbrian, I assume making nasty comments is the trolls idea of fun
It could be someone from my past but I'm sure there is more than one troll commenting .
Wanda, that's funny.

I am irritated by the comments but not seriously bothered, if I was I'd block all anonymous comments, but lots of anonymous commenters are nice people with nice things to say.

I'm also of the opinion that whilst the trolls are entertaining themselves on my blog they are leaving some other poor bugger alone.

My life has been full of ups and downs and still is, I'm dealing with other family matters that I cannot post about as well as dealing with the fall out from Steve's stroke. Over the years I've dealt with shit that would make you hair curl. I will survive!

I wish I was Anonymous

I could have the most perfect life.

I wouldn't have made the mistake of marrying a man who 20 years later would go on to have a stroke.

I wouldn't have made the mistake of following a dream of living on a boat surrounded by nature.

I wouldn't have left a difficult marriage to find some happiness.

I wouldn't have given a rescue dog a loving home.

If I was Anonymous I could be some boring old fart, sorry, sanctimonious twat, who has so little going on in my life that I feel the need to criticise everyone else who has a life.

I suppose it's jealousy which is horrible, it eats people up inside but the only cure is to get out there, grab life by the balls and wring some joy out of it. Sitting at home, brooding on the unfairness of life and criticising others will just make things worse.

Yes I moan and whinge on my blog, it's my blog, I'm allowed to. Sometimes my sense of humour isn't understood, I'm sarcastic, acerbic and vicious at times. But if you don't like or understand it then feel free to move along to another blog. I can recommend a few where life is picture perfect and no one ever makes a mistake.

There are parts of my life that are full of joy, but if I wrote about my sex life I'd get arrested.

For you, I'll make an exception

As a boater and a dog owner I try to ensure my dog doesn't piddle on another boater's ropes.

This isn't easy as dogs do like to piddle on anything sticking up.

Yesterday a couple of Hooray Henry's went hurtling past in their motor launches.

We could hear the cries of 'Slow Down' as they approached.

They were only going to the nearby pub but by the time the had imbibed a skinful each they decided to stay overnight just a short distance from us.

As Beano and I enjoyed our morning constitutional he was overcome by the urge to piddle on their ropes.

I let him!

Is it or isn't it

The measles that is, one of my DGD's was recently diagnosed with the measles, I assumed she'd not been vaccinated though I found out later that she had.

DD rang to tell me and I was able to reassure her that she had been vaccinated as had her siblings. DD's husband has no idea if he was vaccinated and his parents don't know either so he was vaccinated as a precaution. 

About ten days after DGD was diagnosed DGS went down with the same illness. 

Today DD phoned to tell me she has the measles, according to the Dr about 3% of people who have been vaccinated will go on to catch the measles. I haven't been vaccinated, I had measles when I was a child. 

I now have a blocked nose, a sore throat and a temperature and have had for a few days. I'm keeping a very close eye out for a rash.