Just like mother used to make!

My mother was slim, attractive and mostly disinterested in caring for me.  She lived on coffee, cigarettes and gin, the thought of providing regular meals was an alien concept to her. I was a skinny, undersized child with very little to recommend me.

When I left home I learned to cook, my children were well fed as was any person passing through my home.

Steve's mum married very young and started a family almost immediately. She was a loving mother but an appalling cook. But she battled on, I always think of Wendy Craig in Butterflies, trying to feed her family and serving up cold or burnt food.

Some time ago now Steve announced that he would no longer eat what I cooked for him. He didn't like what I cooked and thought he could do better. He wanted to cook and choose all his own food. I think my joyful acceptance of this decision surprised him.

Not long after this, I became ill and I was hospitalised. Steve went ahead with his plan but was forced into providing food for me as I wasn't well enough to shop and cook for myself. Eventually I was able to manage and Steve went back to his original plan. He was somewhat stumped by his inability to cook,  after all, how difficult could it be! After a few weeks he decided that I should be allowed to cook some meals that he felt were too complicated, as in anything that didn't go from packet to air fryer to plate.

He has been trying to master cooking a roast dinner. He was really delighted with yesterday's attempt. It was almost identicaI to his mother's roast dinner! The meat was cooked through and very difficult to slice  so I only had two small pieces. He'd cooked a cauliflower floret and some sprouts just for me, he no longer eats veg, they were beige and soft. His roast potatoes were  smothered with mixed herbs to disguise their lack of colour. The gravy was thin and barely brown. I know I shouldn't be ungrateful but I found it difficult to eat a reasonable amount. Steve enjoyed it all and announced he thought he'd finally mastered cooking a decent roast! 

I need to find an acceptable excuse for not eating Sunday dinner but heaven knows how.

Piggy in the middle

One day when I was in the summer house a neighbour made some strange comments about me watching tv too loud and glared at me. I was confused as I wear headphones or use subtitles. After a couple of hours I realised that she could probably hear Steve watching stuff on his tablet.

I mentioned this to him and he  purchased four different sets of headphones. It took him a while to find some that were comfortable. This was ok for a couple of days, but yesterday he wasn't wearing them and I could hear the resident next door banging and crashing in her kitchen. I'm assuming that was her way of communicating her displeasure. So after a we'd eaten I suggested he put his headphones on. He immediately threw a strop, shouted at me, claimed his tablet wasn't loud and that I was being difficult as he couldn't possibly be disturbing anyone  and went off to bed in a strop. I work on the theory that if I can hear something it's too loud and I could hear his tablet. Which is why  mentioned it.

So now what do I do? I don't wish to fall out with the neighbours but I do struggle to get Steve to behave reasonably. He is convinced he isn't deaf and that I and other people are complaining for no reason!

Can't tell my fish from my chips.

Sometimes on a Friday we have a takeaway, either fish and chips or a Chinese.

Last week we had fish and chips it was very tasty but I couldn't tell until the food was in my mouth wether I had a mouthful of fish or chips, that how bad my eyesight is now. Chinese food is easier, the rice is mainly white and as I usually have satay it's usually peanut butter colour.

Steve is still refusing to mix with the neighbours, heaven knows what tale of woe he will tell them if/when he finally gets over his self isolation. I will be blamed I'm sure. 

All I can do is carry on and hope for the best though it is irritating to be blamed  for Steve's decisions.

All things white and beautiful

Walking Beano, everywhere looks so beautiful, such a heavy frost.

The grass outside our window has been white all day with no sign of a thaw.

The cobwebs on the bushes and letter boxes are thick and white.

Bloody freezing

The garden outside is white with frost it's not thawed all day.

I'm sat under a blanket as it so cold

Steve is cooking breast of lamb, he bought a piece big enough to serve 8 but there is only the two of us.

He covers the potatoes with mixed herbs, less is not more when Steve is cooking. He can't manage roast potatoes so he does herb potatoes. 

He has decided not to eat any vegetables any more but will cook some for me. He wanted to take over all the cooking as he's decided that everything I cook is crap. But after a couple of weeks he lost interes, I think he realised it wasn't as easy as he thought.

My foot is very painful, probably self inflicted, I have a very bad habit of sitting on my feet so I've probably damaged them.

Knackered

We had a Tesco delivery due this morning, Steve was up, dressed and following it's progress in plenty of time. After pacing around the flat panicking, he eventually walked up to the car park. I know the numbering system here is confusing but I'm sure the driver would either find us or phone for more information. Steve met the van and escorted the driver to our flat.

Next, the plumber arrived, he's been here before and he was early so he arrived before Steve began to panic.

This evening Steve ordered fish and chips via Just Eat, again, after pacing the floor and following the delivery on his phone he went up to the car park again. He was convinced someone else would receive our delivery. Eventually he returned with the fish and chips and we were able to eat.  I did suggest he spoke to our Dr about his panicking but as usual he refused.

He must find this constant pacing and panicking exhausting, I certainly do.

His head phones arrived this morning but he has decided he doesn't need them so he is reading instead of watching YouTube. I've told him he must wear them otherwise the neighbours will complain again.

Thursday

I was checking online for information about gout. The Daily Wail carries an article about how sex improves gout. I may tell Steve just to watch him recoil in horror! 

Steve's personality has undergone a dramatic change since he had his stroke a few years ago. He has reverted to being a teenager in some ways and it gets worse as time goes on I was probably hurt to start with but now his behaviour rarely bothers me.

He refuses to eat fruit and veg and has a very limited and unhealthy diet, he wants only junk food to eat and complains that I  can't cook it like his mum. His mum was a lovely lady, but no cook, everything was either undercooked or boiled a mush.

I currently wear nightclothes in bed at his request as the sight of my naked body made him feel sick. He seems to think he has the body of an Adonis as he still sleeps naked.I

Sometimes he's unpleasant to me in front of friends and can't understand why the tell him not to speak to me that way.

Yesterday I had a good day, cold and frosty but best of all dry. Beano and I went out for three walks and two of them were quite long. I shall be glad when the footpaths dry out as I currently cannot get to the nearby park as the access is ankle deep in mud. Even with wellies on I struggle as the mud is thick and very clingy.  Beano and I miss the park as it's his only chance to walk off the lead. On the tow path he was never on the lead.

I'm hoping Steve will join in with the gardening when the weather improves, I think it would do him good to get some fresh air and do something outside.

Steve has gout.

Not for the first time, he seems to get it once a year. I know it's painful, I had it once myself.

To ensure that we don't bump Steve's foot, Beano and I are squished onto the very edge of the bed during the night.

Hopefully his prescription will arrive today, I went y'day to buy the specific painkillers he takes, there is only one sort he will take, they can only be purchased from a pharmacy and he never thinks to stock up, or keep some in the first aid box. 

Since we've been here he hasn't wanted me to catch a bus as my bus pass hasn't arrived yet. But the amount of pain he was in changed his mind. The busses are every 15 minutes and the service seems to arrive on time.

Unfortunately there were 17 people in front of me in the queue at the pharmacy, so I had a long wait!

It was raining quite hard when I left the shop but I didn't have long to wait for the bus home. Today I'm going to the Aldi at the top of the road so no bus needed. I'd asked Steve if he wanted anything else before I left b'day but it wasn't until I returned home that he though of something he needed.

Lunch out with friends

Our boating friends, Clive and Wendy visited today with Daisy the dog.

We went to a nearby pub for lunch, Clive and I had roast turkey, Steve and Wendy had the triple roast, turkey, beef and pork. Both these meals were served with lots of veg, a large Yorkshire pudding and gravy. We all managed a pudding too, Wendy and I had creme brulee, Steve had a brownie and Clive had fruit crumble. We came home for coffee and more chat, Steve has been quite cheerful all day. 

I'm sure if he would socialise more he would be in a better frame of mind but he does love a good sulk.

Rambler, yes Steve is on anti depressants heaven knows what he'd be like otherwise.

I tried, i really did.

Steve is really unhappy here, he is refusing to mix with 'all the old people'. I'm gritting my teeth and ignoring his complaints, it's not like I can make our neighbours any younger is it.

I'm hoping that when the weather improves he will meet more people but he is extremely stubborn.

He used to enjoy gardening when we lived in a house and he could do that here, there is a bed that is ours and he could plant things in it. I don't make many suggestions as he is constantly looking for an argument and I'd rather not give him the opportunity.

When I go to the summer house to chat with the neighbours I often suggest he should come to, but he refuses. I know he's finding it difficult and he can't understand why I'm not putting the flat on the market and rushing to buy another boat.

To be honest he used to complain endlessly when we lived on a boat, especially towards the end when he couldn't actually manage. He was always full of plans to travel the Thames, including the tidal part, or even to take the boat across the Wash. No doubt in a few years he will have convinced himself he did all these things.

I found life on the boat very hard, not only did it require muscles I no longer have, so operating the lock gates was difficult. But also I was very isolated, before we gave up the boat I made various suggestions that would have made my life less isolated. Such as moving to a marina where there was a club house, or to a busy mooring where there were people around. I suggested moving to a mooring near Stroke Club so I could continue to cook for them. 

Steve was adamant that none of my suggestions were workable, so eventually I told him I was no longer well enough to continue boat life. I did suggest I look for sheltered, rented accommodation and that Steve could stay on the boat. He refused!

Prescriptions by post.

I've just ordered mine and Steve's prescriptions by post, it will save hiking to the pharmacy to collect them. I really hope they work out ok, I will get such an earbashing if they don't!

It's got to be easier than trying to catch numerous buses to collect them. Mind you setting up the orders has taken me four days and it wasn't all my fault.  Steve cannot understand what I've done and keeps panicking and yelling at me!

Hey ho if it works it will be good.

Mrs G, I will look into that software, so far I've only found it for phones and I use a tablet.

Chinadogs,  I'm hoping to find a neighbour who would walk with me occasionally, it would do Steve good to walk more but he is currently enjoying his post Christmas sulk.

Joan, I will look in to Sense and see what they can offer, thank you.

Flis, you have all my sympathy, it's not easy is it.

Sporadic posts

New year, new blog post.

Another year and  as usual some people are starting the the new year with a financial challenge. Counting up their money and money off coupons and seeing how long they can make 11 shillings and sixpence  last. Some of the challenges are interesting but some are just a litany of unlikely boasts.

Each to their own, I shan't be doing this, I shan't make any New Year resolutions either. I shall keep plodding on. My blogging is sporadic, some times I struggle with Steve's behaviour. He thinks he is behaving normally but he isn't. He is very unreasonable. I also struggle with my sight as it is failing and some things are difficult. I have very bad double vision, I have glasses issued by the hospital that sometimes help but not always. On days where it's very bad, walking Beano is to risk life and limb. Sometimes Steve will walk with me but not always and not at all currently as he hates Christmas and sulks for weeks.

We are having a lot of rainy days at the moment and Steve and Beano both hate the rain.

Steve met his friend Bob in Reading y'day and came home drunk as a skunk and irritable to boot, mind you, irritable is his default setting. I may try and persuade him to come to some of the afternoon meetings in the summer house. I feel his determination to hate the flat and everyone in them has meant he is unhappy and isolated. I know how he feels as I found the isolation of living on the boat very difficult to deal with.

My eyesight is also the reason my posts are sporadic, sometimes I know what I want to post about, but after typing the same four lines numerous times and only managing garbage, I give up and  don't bother to post at all.