Saturday 9 December 2023

Itchy and bitchy.

I've developed a cracking swathe of stress hives all along my chin and round my neck. Part of the joy of living with Steve, he's not up yet but will be in a strop when he realises it's raining today.

Beano is almost as grumpy as Steve, Beano also hates the rain, it took two attempts to get him out for a walk this morning.

I've been asked to make more mince pies so I need to go out to buy a large cooking apple. I've got all the other ingredients I need. 

My kitchen is very small, my work surface is covered by a toaster, kettle, air fryer and microwave. I rarely use the air fryer or the microwave.  But Steve uses them and wants to keep them. The only place I can roll out pastry is in the glass cooker hob.

I cleared the top of the unit in the bay window of all Steve's crap, the wrist support, catalogue, hammer, working hands salve, hat, kitchen roll, etc. as Steve was insistent about putting up decorations. I put the little tree up and added the lights and baubles. There are also two other small Christmas decorations, some flowers in a jam jar and a poinsetta. There is now also a wrist support, catalogue, hammer, working hands salve, hat, kitchen roll etc. Steve complains regularly about how untidy I am!

I should explain about my Dr's surgery, I phoned two or three times a week for months in an attempt to obtain an appointment. There were never any appointments free. This was when I could still hear. I have visited in person to explain that I'm deaf and that making phone calls is difficult, I asked if I could make an appointment via email but they don't accept emails for appointment requests. I also asked if they could mark on my records that I am deaf and find phone calls difficult. I was informed that this wasn't possible. I asked how I was expected to make contact with them and was told I need to get someone to phone on my behalf. I don't have anyone who has time to phone the surgery to my behalf for weeks on end.


Sue said...

I really feel for you. My husband had a letter from the Drs asking him to make an urgent appointment after his DVT last month, so he phoned up to try and make one. The first bookable appointment was for next February, he was told to phone each day at 8am to get a same day appointment ... he has tried every day for 6 days now and never even gets through. The system is crap.

keth said...

Hey Hester,

I've had similar issues with my surgery and had to fire off a complaint/education letter about the situation - things are better now, thankfully, so I think it is worth persevering. But what you need to know in order to get them to listen is the rules that all GP surgeries and NHS provision have to adhere to:

1) in May 2021, NHS England ordered all GP Practices to offer face to face appointments for patients where this is their preference (following the pandemic). [reference: C. Pearce, ‘NHS England orders GPs to offer face-to-face appointments to all patients’, Pulse, 14 May 2021, pulsetoday dot co dot uk].

2) in 2016 the Accessible Information Standard was set up - and by law ALL organisations that provide NHS care or adult social care must follow the standard in full from 1 August 2016. There is a lot in this about deaf people of all kinds (i.e. from people who are deafened in old age through to people who are deaf from birth and who use sign language). I think it is worth reading through as there is a ton of info in there - google will find it.

3) the 2010 Equalities Act means that all organisations have to make 'reasonable adjustments' in order to give equal access. Again, bone up on what this means for you and access.

4) it may be worth you having a read of a report by an organisation called SignHealth, which is about the overall health of deaf people and the problems that they experience in accessing health care in the UK - it's called 'the health of deaf people in the UK', google will find it for you (am trying to avoid giving direct links as it'll get caught in spam!). the report is from 2019 and will have a lot of useful information.

It may be worth highlighting that some surgeries have been sued for lack of access - check the BBC website, there was an article there on 22 July 2021 about a surgery in belfast that was ordered to pay compensation for lack of access.

In any communication you make with the surgery, I strongly recommend sending copies to NHS England and your local Clincial Care Commissioning Group (CCG). Google will help you work out where to send them - but importantly, tell your surgery you are doing this. I never heard from either, but the fact that they WERE being reported outside the surgery to someone above them does help, I think - if nothing else, it makes them sit up a bit and take notice!

Good luck, hope this all helps you!

keth (a fellow deafie!)

Catriona said...

This is discrimination both in terms of age and disability. Please send a very strong worded letter by email to the practice manager stating this and await their reply. If the reply is not satisfactory then contact your MP and the Health Minister. Catriona

Chris said...

That sounds even worse than our surgery, poor you. It is surely discrimination? Hope you will get to see a Dr Would it help if you wrote to the Practice Manager? I did and things that I wrote about changed.

Ellen D. said...

I feel so bad about your medical troubles but know nothing about your NHS. I hope the suggestions in comments will help you find a solution.

Anonymous said...

Lymph nodes along the jaw line and neck can swell and become irritated during a Sjogrens flare.

kate steeper said...

it could be worse you could have to deal with the bazaar goings on at our surgery , there is actually only a GP twice a week so theres no chance of seeing him , you go on Ask GP if your lucky because its turned off by half past eight , if you get on you type a message and wait and wait it can be over a week before you get any reply . We think they are running some sort of two tier system himself will get a call from the GP after a few days , me well , i will get a call from the highly trained receptionist telling me to take paracetamol

Anonymous said...

My surgery now has an online option, introduced this year. It may be worth checking to find out if yours has done the same. Best of luck, Marty

jan jones said...

I am sorry if I offend you, but having read your blog for many years I can no longer keep my mouth shut!!
There seems to be very little affection left for this man and living with this constant aggression (and it is aggression) towards you is ultimately going to be your undoing. I understand he is unwell but that does not mean that you have to be the brunt of his anger, anymore than if he was well.
It doesn't matter what your childrens other commitments are they need to be aware of how much this is affecting you ( I suspect like all us mothers you smile and say you are fine when they ask!)
Please get some help either from social services or your family. You cannot and should not have to live in this constant state of oppression. It is domestic violence even if it isn't physical. Please get out before he (his illness) escalates.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Jan's comment.
This man has no respect for you.
He certainly has no love for you.
I understand he's your husband.
I know he's had a stroke.
But you are sacrificing yourself .
It's destroying your health. You are doing
An amazing job of coping but it's taking a toll on you.
What's going to happen to you as you age honey?
He's not going to take care of you.
All he cares about is Steve.
What is happening in your daily life is abuse.
It's only going to get worse.
Please see a social worker.
Look for a support group on line.
Tell your children how bad it is.
My heart breaks reading about how horrible things are for you.

flis said...

It's nice that your mince pies are appreciated - Mine is always interfering with Every s***iny thing - But whilst he was in hospital with his foot I got loads done - Now he has returned with 2 zimmers and his awaiting commode it's such fun x

Hogswart said...

I wish I could help you because I certainly would. When I lived in the same house as my father the monster, I was covered in stress hives for years and years. When I moved out, the hives disappeared and never ever returned. You are probably in the same situation as my mother, which was that she had nowhere else to go which happens to a lot of us. Hester, you already know that you are in an abusive relationship and I hope you can find a resolution.

flis said...

I hope you are ok Hester - If Steve is anything like mine he doesn't age like a fine wine x

Meanqueen said...

There doesn't seem to be any common ground with doctors surgeries, they are all working to their own rules. My friend rang up at 8am, her husband couldn't stop coughing. She was told can he get here for 9.10am. Easy, she drove him there, it's only a few minutes away. Thank goodness that the only reason I go to the surgery is to pick up new batteries for my hearing aid.

Official diagnosis

It seems Beano has had Viral Hemorrhagic Gastroenteritis. It does the rounds here occasionally. Despite Steve being a pain in the arris, he ...