Lunch out.

Today is our 24th wedding anniversary so we went out for lunch. It wasn't an unmitigated success though all went well until it was time for dessert.

I'm not sure why Steve decided we needed to go out usually if we celebrate it's with a takeaway, still I'm not one to turn down a meal out.

We went to a nearby pub, we were given a lift there and back which was good as it been very hot here.

We ate in the garden as there was a nice breeze, I'd taken Beano's water bottle and his cool mat for him to lay on so he was comfortable.

Steve had three courses, mushrooms as a starter, chicken skewer with chips for his main course and ice cream.

I only had a main course, a chicken skewer with hummus and flatbread. Between the main course and the ice cream I took Beano for a wander around the garden as he's been so good sat on his cool mat.

When we got back to the table Steve has ordered ice cream to share, there was a choice of vanilla, strawberry, chocolate or a sorbet. Steve had ordered four scoops of chocolate ice cream, whilst this was a kind thought, I don't like chocolate ice cream but I ate some to avoid the lurking strop. It's the same when he makes coffee in the morning, he never puts sugar in mine as he's convinced I don't take sugar. I only like half a spoonful as does Steve so why he cannot remember this after 24 years I do not know.

I was glad to get home as Steve's mood was deteriorating, we got home in time for me to go across to the summer house for a while. Steve stomped around in the garden, knocking back the lager until he cheered up.

I can't

 Swim, ride a bike or dance.

My mother suffered with her nerves, she visited the Dr who suggested she get pregnant. This seems to have been a common suggestion in the 1950's

My mother complied but unfortunately once I was born she realised this was not the panacea she had hoped for. So she got a job and I went to a childminder. I don't remember the child minder but I do remember going to work with my mother on a regular basis.

I'm not sure that having me was the hoped for cure-all and she continued to suffer. For this reason I was not allowed to learn swim. Mother reasoned that if learned to swim I'd go into water and drown. I was not allowed to ride a bike either, because if I learned to ride of go out with other children and get run over.

The only children I was allowed to mix with were a brother and sister who lived a few doors away. This wasn't an ideal situation as I was regularly sexually assaulted by the father of these children!

As for dancing, I have two left feet and can no more dance than I can fly.

I do have some skills, I can cook, with or without a recipe, I can sew, knit and crochet but not very well now as I can't see properly.

Hayfever.

JacquieB, I bought my trolley when we were living on the boat, it's strong and sturdy and has three wheels either side. This meant it was very good at managing lumpy, bumpy tow paths. 

My hayfever is bad this year, I'm not sure if it's me or if it's a bad year for it. I'm sniffing and snuffling, wheezing and sneezing and I'm driving Steve mad because it's made my deafness worse which means he's having to repeat himself. I shall be glad when I recover.

Too hot for Beano.

Beano doesn't like the hot weather, it makes him itch so I try to walk him early in the morning when it's cooler.

On Friday's I try to walk him before Steve gets up , this way we avoid the pacing and panicking that Steve does whilst awaiting the supermarket delivery.

I've never had a delivery that hasn't turned up and only once has a delivery been really late. The supermarket let us know and it wasn't a problem as we weren't going anywhere.

When we were living on the boat I was approached by a delivery driver as I was walking Beano. He was parked on the canal bridge and could see the boats moored below but didn't know how to access them. As the delivery was for us I was able to show him where we were moored.

If I was shopping for myself wouldn't use a delivery service, we have two supermarkets at the top of the road and I have a wally trolly so I'd shop there. But Steve orders six trays of Fosters every week which is too much to carry.

Questions.

To answer a few questions.

Steve doesn't seem to remember that we were ever happy, he seems to believe his life has been one of constant misery. He says was happy living on the boat but I made him leave and move to the flat. He couldn't manage anything apart from steering. The heavy work, the locks etc were left to me, this was manageable with the smaller boat when only one pair of gates needed opening. But Steve wanted a bigger boat, a wide beam, this meant we couldn't share the locks with another boat. It was a while before I realised he was using the boat as a way of ensuring I didn't talk to people. With a narrow bean you can get two boats in a lock together. With a wide beam this is rarely possible.

When Steve is asked by a Dr or nurse about his drinking habits he lies and claims to only drink occasionally. If I contradict him he gets stroppy and claims I'm lying.

I am now past caring, I try to maintain some quality of life for myself. This usually revolves around dog walking, anything else and Steve tries to stop me doing it. I have plans for if Beano dies before me as I know Steve will use it as an excuse to stop me leaving site. My neighbour Betty takes me out sometimes, Steve has shouted at her but she stands up to him. Other neighbours are reluctant to place themselves in the line of fire, and who can blame them.

Aches and pains.

Steve has been taking Nurofen plus painkillers for a painful knee for a couple of months. Actually he takes painkillers most of the time though the reasons vary. 

As I said it's his knee that is currently bothering him, he thinks it's swollen but I can't see any swelling. He does limp when he walks. There again he has carrying far too much weight so his knees may well be painful. He believes he gets plenty of exercise because he potters in the garden but our trip to the nearby charity shop proved him wrong. He really struggled to get there and caught the bus back.

This evening he's been clutching his wrist, it seems that it's painful. He will start wearing his wrist brace and continue to take the painkillers I'm sure, I have tried to persuade him to cut down but he won't. I know they aren't good for him but he will continue to take them. He's not 70 yet but he has a very poor diet and drinks far too much. The extra strong painkillers don't help.

At a stroke.

Ellen's asked if Steve was kinder before he had his stroke, yes he was was a loving and lovely  husband. We had some very happy years but when Steve had his stoke, that  was it, all happiness was at an end.

He came round after a few days, confused as to who the old woman sat by his bed could be.

He was convinced he was in his thirties so obviously I couldn't be his wife, could I?

I spent hours sitting beside his hospital bed, worrying about him.

Eventually he left hospital and returned to live on the boat, the marina manager was very kind. Assuring us that we could stay in the marina until Steve recovered. 

He never really has. He is not the man I married, he is no longer a loving husband. It's been about eight years now.

Please note any comments about how Steve's behaviour is not being caused by his stroke will be deleted. I'm tired of hearing rubbish from people who have no experience in the this matter.

Saturday

This morning I had intended to drop a couple of dresses off at a local charity shop, they are brand new but both are a size 18, much too big for me so I'll never wear them. I have a bad habit of buying clothes that are far too big, this is fuelled by Steve's constant complaints about how massively fat I am. I have finally realised that Steve's complaints are caused by his own inadequacies, he wears 3XL clothes, he is about 5' 6. I'm not claiming to be skinny, I'm a size 12/14 but usually wear a 14/16 for comfort. 

Steve insisted on coming with me to drop off the dresses, he first suggested that I might get lost and when I explained that I knew the way he said the area I was going to could be dangerous. It's hardly Beirut but he came along anyway. I managed to persuade him to walk there but he insisted on catching the bus home as his leg was painful!

I realised that I'd managed 6000 steps and was very pleased, it's what I aim for but rarely manage. I usually only get to 5500.

Friday.

Friday was a lovely day, once the supermarket delivery had been put away and Steve had gone to meet up with his friend.

Beano had a couple of walks and I bumped into a dog walking friend and had a chat.

 I received a delivery from Ronnie at Witchcrafter Hippie Shed. This included the small  bag made from sari fabric I'd ordered along with a necklace and a pack of Dragons Blood joss sticks. The joss sticks reminded me of my friend Lyssa Medana as she mentions Dragons Blood in some of her books. I ordered the bag to carry my phone in when I walk Beano and I'm not wearing a jacket.

I went to the summer house in the afternoon and chatted to some of my neighbours. I also had a piece of birthday cake as it was a neighbours birthday.

Steve messaged me to tell me the train he'd planned to catch had been cancelled and that he'd be later home than he expected. He was very tired and grumpy by the time he got home. 

Watching.

I enjoy watching videos of people trying on new clothes especially older ladies  and larger ladies.

I know it's weird as I have very little interest in wearing nice clothes, I just like seeing other people in them.

I'm not wearing my summer dresses yet, it's still too cold here, I have however started wearing my thinner leggings and t-shirts, topped with a cardigan.

I reused one of my dresses as there were holes in the skirt, but that still leaves me with enough. They are all the same, they have an elasticated top and the skirts are almost ankle length. They are not meant to be long but I'm very short.

Scars.

My first mother in law's arms were always marked with burns. She claimed they were proof that she was excellent cook! I think it was proof that she was clumsy.

This morning I burned my arm using the air fryer, I was cooking some chicken pieces for myself. I usually use the oven but today I used the air fryer as I'd just spent some time scrubbing it clean. It didn't need cleaning again when I'd  as the chicken was wrapped in greaseproof  paper!

I'm very dizzy today and very bunged up in the ear department, Nemmind this too will pass.

Wednesday.

Lyssa, brilliant comment, absolutely brilliant.

Dog lover, the Midsomer Murders books are much better than the tv series, much more detailed and a bit darker, although not gory.

Yesterday after deciding leave the floor alone, Steve went into town to have breakfast. He is going out again on Friday with his friend Bob, so I get two peaceful days this week. He did come rushing in when he returned home to check if I'd gone to the summer house but he found me asleep on the sofa as I'd had a very disturbed night. Beano had been restless and wandering about so I went into the living room with him.

The weather is very changeable here, sunny one minute and overcast the next. I still have more books to read so I'm happy.

Monday

Today Beano has had two a walks, one to the park and one round the streets. We didn't see any dogs for Beano to play with but he still has a nice run about. I shall take him out again soon, as he's not allowed in the communal garden he has to be walked off site.

Steve has taken part of the flooring up yet again and replaced it once more! I'm so glad we live on the ground floor, if we lived above other people they'd be fit to murder Steve by now. I'm burying my head in my kindle and reading another Midsomer Murders book.

Moving to Causton

Causton, for those of you who don't know is a fictional town where the TV series  Midsomer Murders is set.

Being thoroughly hacked off with Steve constantly removing and refitting the new flooring. I treated myself to the first six books in the Midsomer Murders series by Caroline Graham. If I hadn't, I think there would have been a murder committed here. I ordered them for my kindle so there were no suspicious parcels to alert Steve to my spending spree.

He doesn't often comment on my purchases now and if he does I immediately remind him of how much he spends on beer every week. I spend money on books, I can't see well enough to read real books so I read on my kindle. I also take it in turns to pay when I go out with Betty and have lunch. 

Betty and I hadn't been out for a few weeks, Betty is busy with her bowls and last time she offered was when I was going to the circus. We went to a nearby supermarket and even though I'd had a supermarket delivery that morning I still found a few things to buy. We then had fish and chips in the supermarket cafe, it was very nice, hot and freshly cooked.