Lunch out.

Today is our 24th wedding anniversary so we went out for lunch. It wasn't an unmitigated success though all went well until it was time for dessert.

I'm not sure why Steve decided we needed to go out usually if we celebrate it's with a takeaway, still I'm not one to turn down a meal out.

We went to a nearby pub, we were given a lift there and back which was good as it been very hot here.

We ate in the garden as there was a nice breeze, I'd taken Beano's water bottle and his cool mat for him to lay on so he was comfortable.

Steve had three courses, mushrooms as a starter, chicken skewer with chips for his main course and ice cream.

I only had a main course, a chicken skewer with hummus and flatbread. Between the main course and the ice cream I took Beano for a wander around the garden as he's been so good sat on his cool mat.

When we got back to the table Steve has ordered ice cream to share, there was a choice of vanilla, strawberry, chocolate or a sorbet. Steve had ordered four scoops of chocolate ice cream, whilst this was a kind thought, I don't like chocolate ice cream but I ate some to avoid the lurking strop. It's the same when he makes coffee in the morning, he never puts sugar in mine as he's convinced I don't take sugar. I only like half a spoonful as does Steve so why he cannot remember this after 24 years I do not know.

I was glad to get home as Steve's mood was deteriorating, we got home in time for me to go across to the summer house for a while. Steve stomped around in the garden, knocking back the lager until he cheered up.

I can't

 Swim, ride a bike or dance.

My mother suffered with her nerves, she visited the Dr who suggested she get pregnant. This seems to have been a common suggestion in the 1950's

My mother complied but unfortunately once I was born she realised this was not the panacea she had hoped for. So she got a job and I went to a childminder. I don't remember the child minder but I do remember going to work with my mother on a regular basis.

I'm not sure that having me was the hoped for cure-all and she continued to suffer. For this reason I was not allowed to learn swim. Mother reasoned that if learned to swim I'd go into water and drown. I was not allowed to ride a bike either, because if I learned to ride of go out with other children and get run over.

The only children I was allowed to mix with were a brother and sister who lived a few doors away. This wasn't an ideal situation as I was regularly sexually assaulted by the father of these children!

As for dancing, I have two left feet and can no more dance than I can fly.

I do have some skills, I can cook, with or without a recipe, I can sew, knit and crochet but not very well now as I can't see properly.

Hayfever.

JacquieB, I bought my trolley when we were living on the boat, it's strong and sturdy and has three wheels either side. This meant it was very good at managing lumpy, bumpy tow paths. 

My hayfever is bad this year, I'm not sure if it's me or if it's a bad year for it. I'm sniffing and snuffling, wheezing and sneezing and I'm driving Steve mad because it's made my deafness worse which means he's having to repeat himself. I shall be glad when I recover.

Too hot for Beano.

Beano doesn't like the hot weather, it makes him itch so I try to walk him early in the morning when it's cooler.

On Friday's I try to walk him before Steve gets up , this way we avoid the pacing and panicking that Steve does whilst awaiting the supermarket delivery.

I've never had a delivery that hasn't turned up and only once has a delivery been really late. The supermarket let us know and it wasn't a problem as we weren't going anywhere.

When we were living on the boat I was approached by a delivery driver as I was walking Beano. He was parked on the canal bridge and could see the boats moored below but didn't know how to access them. As the delivery was for us I was able to show him where we were moored.

If I was shopping for myself wouldn't use a delivery service, we have two supermarkets at the top of the road and I have a wally trolly so I'd shop there. But Steve orders six trays of Fosters every week which is too much to carry.

Questions.

To answer a few questions.

Steve doesn't seem to remember that we were ever happy, he seems to believe his life has been one of constant misery. He says was happy living on the boat but I made him leave and move to the flat. He couldn't manage anything apart from steering. The heavy work, the locks etc were left to me, this was manageable with the smaller boat when only one pair of gates needed opening. But Steve wanted a bigger boat, a wide beam, this meant we couldn't share the locks with another boat. It was a while before I realised he was using the boat as a way of ensuring I didn't talk to people. With a narrow bean you can get two boats in a lock together. With a wide beam this is rarely possible.

When Steve is asked by a Dr or nurse about his drinking habits he lies and claims to only drink occasionally. If I contradict him he gets stroppy and claims I'm lying.

I am now past caring, I try to maintain some quality of life for myself. This usually revolves around dog walking, anything else and Steve tries to stop me doing it. I have plans for if Beano dies before me as I know Steve will use it as an excuse to stop me leaving site. My neighbour Betty takes me out sometimes, Steve has shouted at her but she stands up to him. Other neighbours are reluctant to place themselves in the line of fire, and who can blame them.

Aches and pains.

Steve has been taking Nurofen plus painkillers for a painful knee for a couple of months. Actually he takes painkillers most of the time though the reasons vary. 

As I said it's his knee that is currently bothering him, he thinks it's swollen but I can't see any swelling. He does limp when he walks. There again he has carrying far too much weight so his knees may well be painful. He believes he gets plenty of exercise because he potters in the garden but our trip to the nearby charity shop proved him wrong. He really struggled to get there and caught the bus back.

This evening he's been clutching his wrist, it seems that it's painful. He will start wearing his wrist brace and continue to take the painkillers I'm sure, I have tried to persuade him to cut down but he won't. I know they aren't good for him but he will continue to take them. He's not 70 yet but he has a very poor diet and drinks far too much. The extra strong painkillers don't help.

At a stroke.

Ellen's asked if Steve was kinder before he had his stroke, yes he was was a loving and lovely  husband. We had some very happy years but when Steve had his stoke, that  was it, all happiness was at an end.

He came round after a few days, confused as to who the old woman sat by his bed could be.

He was convinced he was in his thirties so obviously I couldn't be his wife, could I?

I spent hours sitting beside his hospital bed, worrying about him.

Eventually he left hospital and returned to live on the boat, the marina manager was very kind. Assuring us that we could stay in the marina until Steve recovered. 

He never really has. He is not the man I married, he is no longer a loving husband. It's been about eight years now.

Please note any comments about how Steve's behaviour is not being caused by his stroke will be deleted. I'm tired of hearing rubbish from people who have no experience in the this matter.