Ye gods and little fishes, why me, why me?

I arrived home from work today to a state of devastation.
I had left my house guest in the kitchen, I didn't dare leave her the run of the house as she widdled on my L&M's side of the bed yesterday and got hair in the butter dish when taking a short cut from one side of the room to the other by going straight across the table!
At some point during the day my guest decided she wasn't happy looking out of the window from the chair I'd put there.
She decided instead to climb on to the window sill, knocking off a bowl of potpourri smashing it to smithereens in the process and scattering potpourri over the entire kitchen floor and also dislodging 4 glass candle holders, smashing two of them. To my great relief there was no blood anywhere, so she hadn't cut herself in the process.
She was deliriously happy to see me and I sat on the decking in the sunshine whilst she pottered in the garden.
She is a lot less stressed today, I stayed on the settee last night to keep her company, though actually I had no option, my beloved L&M was asleep on my side of out bed as his side was wet!
Last night she paced the room panting until about 2am, stopping occasionally to push her cold wet nose into my hand, looking for a reassuring stroke.
Eventually she wore herself out, climbed onto the settee, curled up in the crook of my knees and fell asleep.
We woke up around 5ish and I took her for a walk, I had already let her out in the garden but she started to pace again and showed no interest in performing her morning toilet. She didn't perform during her walk either, being too interested in her surroundings.
I had resigned myself to putting newspaper down for before I left for work, but as soon as I went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet she plonked herself beside me and pooped on the floor!
I scooped it up and flushed it down the toilet and then cleaned the floor.
She is currently asleep on my lap, making it very difficult to type.