Life

Life continues to stutter along.

The only flat surface in the flat is covered in seed trays, most of the plants are already flowering! There are many more plants than we have room for,  Steve does this every year.

I used to enjoy gardening but I won't do it here, everyone has an opinion on every plant. Two people have complained about the Muscari I bought because they don't like it.

Steve's behaviour is becoming more and more erratic, he is convinced he is a genius and that he rest of the world is wrong.

Whatever happened to the lovely, kind man I married?

I try to be patient but sometimes I snap.

The flat is looking better with the help of my cleaner, Steve isn't happy, he doesn't want a cleaner, but as he won't help with the things I can't reach, he will have to put up with her. He is whingeing about her but that's nothing new.

I went shopping with Betty on Friday, we had lunch out too, we went to a local garden centre. I also bought a new tee shirt.  I have been wearing the same few summer dresses for a few years now so by wearing a tee shirt on top they will look slightly different.

Desire paths.

I read about desire paths ages ago on a blog that seems to have disappeared.

They are footpaths that are caused by footfall rather by design.

There is a desire path near where I live, it leads to the nearby park. The correct path is very narrow and is beside a very busy road.

I don't use the correct path very often, only very rarely in the morning before the traffic builds up.

The desire path is safer as it is between two pieces of land, away from the busy road.

A neighbour has contacted the council many times about improving the desire path. It suffers from poor drainage and is ankle-breakingly rough, with lots and broken bricks along its length. The council, of course do nothing, the path is not theirs to maintain, it is merely a path because of the footfall.

Up and down.

I took Beano to the park this morning, it was empty so we had a nice long walk.

So much to see, red kites, magpies, grass frosty in parts, vivid green elsewhere where the sun shone on it. I found a huge patch of violets, some dead nettles and bluebells in the wooded areas.

I had a few difficult days, I'm out the other side for now. Steve's out today, no idea where, don't much care, it gives me a few whinge free hours. But it does annoy me that he lies about where he's going.

I've just tried to use the Hoover, I have a Henry that I was perfectly happy with but Steve insisted on keeping it on the top shelf of his wardrobe. When I explained that I couldn't keep lifting it down and that I needed him got lift it down for me, he purchased a stick Hoover. It's absolute rubbish, the insides are extremely convoluted and get blocked regularly. The clips that hold it together are very stiff and it's painful for me to unclip them when it need emptying. I've been asking Steve to unclip it and empty it but he's convinced that I can't remember what to do. So today I've managed to take it all apart and discovered that's the insides are jammed solid. Steve's been emptying the little tank at the top but hasn't checked the pipes!

Sick walk.

Walking Beano this morning I was having to hopscotch  to avoid puddles of sick.

I even checked my phone to see what day it was, weekends the pavements are frequently generously spattered, but today is Tuesday. 

Fortunately Beano shows no interest and will walk carefully around the vomit. One of my dog walking friends has to keep her dog on a very short lead otherwise it will try to eat the vomit.

I'm pretty certain it's the same person every time as the vomit is always on the same route. 

I can understand that people sometimes overestimate their alcohol capacity occasionally. But every weekend and now weekdays as well!

Stressed!

Fliss, you have my utmost sympathy!

It's bloody hard work dealing with some husband's isn't it.

I'm also at the stage of wanting to be in another room, unfortunately we only have two!

For me, it's eight years since his stroke and whilst I did have some sympathy, it has been gradually eroded by the constant complaining. Also the blame game, all sorts of things seem to be my fault even though I had no input whatsoever.

All we can do is keep buggering on and try to support each other along with other people in a similar situation.

Hanging on by a thread.

To my sanity that is. I have a twitch in my left eye, a sure sign in stressed.

Steve won't wear his hearing aids in the flat as he thinks "I just need to speak up". If I speak up any more the entire estate will hear me. Three times today I told him I'd already fed Beano but he fed him again anyway.

One of the residents has sanded down a garden bench and re-varnished it. He's done a good job and it looks great.

Not to be outdone another resident tried to persuade Steve to do the other bench with him. Having been blamed before for a job poorly done, by this neighbour, Steve refused. Said resident set to, lost interest after a very short time. We now have a bench in the garden that looks like it has leprosy. This is also causing Steve a great deal of stress.

Big girls knickers on.

I'm having a bit of a cook-a-thon today, I really need to improve my eating habits but it's an uphill struggle. I've cooked some salad potatoes, some boiled eggs and some chicken. I've started a vegetable soup too to use up the fridge drawer debris.

Steve bought a Wagamama kit from Tesco so I'll probably cook that as well. If he cooks it he won't use any veg or seasoning and will then throw it all in the bin!

I want to go to the summer house this afternoon, sometimes Steve's behaviour makes me reluctant to go there, but one of the the residents is holding a small craft sale so it's Big Girls Knickers on and I'll go and support her.

In a strop.

Steve is always in a strop.

He never goes to the garden, to the summer house or into town but that he arrives home  annoyed and ranting. Someone has said something or done something that has upset him.

It must be exhausting, it certainly is for me.

He used to go to a stroke club to aid his recovery,  he was told many times that his continual complaints were unfair, especially to me. He solved that problem, he stopped attending!

I mostly ignore him, I've tried occasionally to help him with a problem but it doesn't help, he just finds something else to complain about.

He's just gone to the summer house, I pretended to be asleep. I shall chill on the sofa and watch an episode of Endeavour!

Beano is mithering.

Beano is sure something is going on but he's not sure what.

We're going for lunch with my oldest son and his girlfriend, Beano is coming with us.

It will be nice to see them, I don't really know his gf, they've been together a while now but she's very quietly spoken. She makes him happy though and that's what's important.

Having had one truly horrendous mother in law myself, I treat all my kids partners with affection. I doubt very much if any of my kids would take any notice of I did not like their partner but if that was so I'd grit my teeth and be polite.

I am forgiven!

I've been out for lunch, with Betty, fish and chips, yum. Beano was ecstatic at my return especially since I returned with a dog chew.

I also fed Beano, only for Steve to tell me he'd already fed him whilst I was out, he's a greedy little tyke.

I'm wiped out, it doesn't take much!

I'm going to chill on the sofa with Beano beside me, he has forgiven me for going out.

I've also hired  a cleaner, against Steve's specific instructions, she's a nice lass, I've met her a few times. I need to spend this weekend tidying up. That way she can clean properly. She can clean the bits I struggle with, high up and low down. 

I just told Steve about the cleaner, he thinks it's a good idea!!

A rough couple of days.

I've had a couple of days feeling rough, a bit under the weather.

No idea why, possibly stress, Steve is hard work to live with.

I saw my youngest daughter today which was nice, her daughter, my youngest granddaughter is now taller than me. She's not ten yet.

Despite Steve giving Betty detailed instructions about which days she can take me out. (Never on a Friday and only on days that give him enough notice to think of reasons why I can't go) She's booked us in for lunch on Friday!