I was checking online for information about gout. The Daily Wail carries an article about how sex improves gout. I may tell Steve just to watch him recoil in horror!
Steve's personality has undergone a dramatic change since he had his stroke a few years ago. He has reverted to being a teenager in some ways and it gets worse as time goes on I was probably hurt to start with but now his behaviour rarely bothers me.
He refuses to eat fruit and veg and has a very limited and unhealthy diet, he wants only junk food to eat and complains that I can't cook it like his mum. His mum was a lovely lady, but no cook, everything was either undercooked or boiled a mush.
I currently wear nightclothes in bed at his request as the sight of my naked body made him feel sick. He seems to think he has the body of an Adonis as he still sleeps naked.I
Sometimes he's unpleasant to me in front of friends and can't understand why the tell him not to speak to me that way.
Yesterday I had a good day, cold and frosty but best of all dry. Beano and I went out for three walks and two of them were quite long. I shall be glad when the footpaths dry out as I currently cannot get to the nearby park as the access is ankle deep in mud. Even with wellies on I struggle as the mud is thick and very clingy. Beano and I miss the park as it's his only chance to walk off the lead. On the tow path he was never on the lead.
I'm hoping Steve will join in with the gardening when the weather improves, I think it would do him good to get some fresh air and do something outside.
11 comments:
I know he can't help it, but that doesn't make his behaviour or attitude any more acceptable or any less hurtful. Even if it's possible to rationalise some of the stuff (for example, he may resent his inability, and your body reminds him of that inabiity, so he turns it into you causing a problem), that doesn't make it ok.
The changes you describe are just astounding, especially when I think back to the early days of your boating blog (and the blogs that came before that). I wish there was a way of shaking him out of his teenage-esque lack of empathy, and making him understand just how awful his behaviour is.
Maybe you could get Steve some of those old fashioned all in one long johns, with a toilet flap at the back.
A stroke can really change a person dramatically usually for the worst. At least he is mobile and self caring, to a point. You should just do your own thing as far as you can.
You need to keep yourself sane as much as you can, with your giant teenager.
I hope the weather cooperates so you and Beano can get out for your walks in the park. I hope you keep planning outings that you enjoy with family and friends/neighbors. Take care of yourself too, Hester.
I am truly sorry that you have to deal with your husband’s personality changes as well as your own health issues…maybe a conversation with his doctor on your part might lead him to believe he does need an antidepressant…I think you are amazingly tolerant and upbeat about all of it…I admire your spunk and positivity …Mary in Colorado(USA)
I don't know whether I'm alone noticing this strangeness with mine-He can be seemingly ok ish for a couple of days-but time and time again on the 3rd day he's not'normal' x
I’m really sorry but for goodness sake grow a pair ! You were walked over by your first husband , then work , now second husband . You are worth more than this. Stop making excuses for him . Put YOU first for once . Being walked over doesn’t make us feel sorry for you
@anonymous those remarks are really not fair,I think Sue is amazing the way she copes with Steve,and does not need personal remarks thrown at her,not everybody walks in the same shoes,she is doing her best for herself under the circumstances,and for all his faults maybe she still loves him for what he was!
Sending all hugs and good wishes. Take care of yourself.
So sorry to read all this.
Your husband sounds very much like mine, the behaviour, ghastly diet, it is not fun, is it?
My coping mechanism is to ignore him.
Not to react.
Often he is looking for a verbal fight and if I just say "yes dear" then I remove any target he might think is in his sights. He cannot see inside my head and hear what I am thinking (which is not complimentary and not suitable for a blog!)
There is no point trying to tell him he is wrong, so I no longer bother.
If I ask him to help with something and he does not do so then the only person who gets upset and cares is ME, so as much as possible I no longer give him the opportunity to let me down.
I do not know if mine is suffering from depression, has had a small stroke, whether it is the start of Alzheimer's, Vascular Dementia, of whether he is just a miserable b*st*rd. He thinks he knows better than all doctors so he will not go to any.
Nothing I can write will make your life easier, unless it helps to know you are not the only one in a crazy situation. Beth in Scotland
@Amonymous,
Come on, if you're going to be vicious, at least have the courage to put your name to it!
I don't have Hester's patience or tolerance, and would not have accepted the treatment that folk have meted out to her over the years, and she knows this about me.
However, we have never walked in her shoes, and have no right to tell her to 'grow a pair'.
She married Steve, and just because he's no longer the man he was, she's not going to stop loving him!
She's not trying to make anyone feel sorry for her, she's just writing HER own blog, she's not forcing you to read it! You have the choice to ignore her and what she writes, so rather than being rude to someone from behind your keyboard, why don't you take the option of ignoring her!
No, I'm not a keyboard warrior, I'm a friend of 'Hester' and yes, I would express my thoughts to your face!
His comments are abusive. What would you tell your daughter if she was living in such a scenario?
I offer no advice. Only you can decide what to do.
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