Where is home to you?

For me, the answer is nowhere.

My parents divorced when I was a teenager and I moved to a bedsit,  I've moved so many times since then that there is nowhere I feel is home.

I've lived in Lincolnshire, London, Bristol and many areas in Berkshire.

For me, it's a case of Wherever I lay my hat, that's my home.

I'm happy where I am now, there are people around, unlike on the boat where Steve always moored away from other people.

I had a neighbour years ago who complained bitterly about living so far from her home village even though it was only half a mile away.

I didn't stay long at the BBQ as it was a bit too peopley, I struggle to hear in large social occasions, I used to rely on my lip-reading skills  but I can't see well enough to go that any more

Steve claims he is unhappy but whether he really is or whether he just has to complain I'm not sure.

I will try Beano on grain free food but as his allergy is seasonal I'm not sure it will help. He has an allergy shampoo already and refused to take his steroid medication, even when it was crushed into his food. He also refused antihistamines.

There is a chilly  breeze today so I'm wearing leggings under my dress, purple leggings under a dark red dress. They clash, but there is only a couple of inches of leggings showing as my summer dresses are almost ankle length. It's one of the joys of being a shortarse, the dress should be just below my knee.

I bought some Snag leggings, three pairs, one each blue, shocking pink and purple. Steve hates them, he would like me dressed head to toe in black. The leggings are brilliant, quite thick and best of all they have pockets!

BBQ in the garden.

There is a BBQ in the garden today, only about a dozen residents will attend but it is open to all.

Last time Steve butted in when someone was doing the BBQ, so he was handed the tools and left to get on with it. He complained bitterly about this but I expect it will be the same today.

I'm making a tray of chocolate brownies, at Steve's insistence, I don't think anyone will want them but it will keep him quiet if I make them. I don't know why he is so insistent as he won't eat them himself. He will only eat shop bought food, nothing home made.

I've stopped for a cup of coffee, whilst the butter for the brownies softens in my sunny kitchen.

There it's a nice pet shop at the top of the road, I will walk up there and see what grain free food they have that Beano might eat. When we first saw him at the rescue centre he'd been given a bowl of kibble. After a couple of days as he was still refusing to touch the kibble they tried adding some water to the kibble but he still wouldn't eat it. By the end of his stay he was being given tinned dog food as it is what he likes. He also won't eat the dog food from big tins, I think the chunks are too big. Either that or he is just exceptionally fussy!

Beano won't eat any fruit or vegetables apart from cooked potatoes but he will eat any make of dog food as long as it is pate style and not chunky. I've no idea why but I just pander to him so he eats something.

Apart from walking Beano, I spent most of y'day sprawled on the sofa eating junk, I expected to pay for it today but I actually feel quite well. Beano had 3 walks in the sunshine and numerous trips to the long grass by the car park,  we kept the walks short as he's not keen on hot days.

Beano

Beano only suffers with his allergy in warm weather so I think grass is the most likely cause, he will insist on rubbing himself on cut grass. 

He gets a couple of walks in the local park very day and other walks on the pavements.

I'm reluctant to buy the Forthglade food as it seems to contain a lot of vegetables which Beano won't eat. If I could buy a couple of packs I would but there is no point me buying a case of food that he won't touch.

I'll take a wander up to our nearby pet shop on Tuesday and see what they have.

I'm back

I had a busy few days with visits from both my daughters, one of my sons and Steve's friend Bob and his current girlfriend Sarah.

We had lunch at a nearby pub with Bob and Sarah, Steve and Bob both had the pie of the day, I had a salad, Sarah had sticky toffee pudding, no main course, just pudding. She is a skinny lass, just Bob's type. I understand she is a very fussy eater a bit like Steve, whereas Bob and I will both eat almost anything. Though I do like my food to be good quality.

Poor Beano is very itchy, we've tried tablets and cream from the vets neither of which had any effect. He is currently taking a supplement that may help. He, of course, won't take anything willingly. So the supplement is added to his food which he still eats.

Steve ordered the large tins of dog food from the supermarket, Beano couldn't eat such large chunks so I passed them on to Cass as she has a large dog! Beano is currently eating Cesar small dog food as it was all I could get delivered at short notice.

I'm currently waiting for a gammon joint to cook, Steve started it off in the airfryer and he has gone into the garden. I turned the joint over half way through and I'll walk Beano once it's done.

Back soon.

I'm a bit busy currently.

Spending spree

I don't often buy clothes but today I decided to buy a cardigan. I have a denim blue long line one but it's getting thin.

So I bought a shorter cardigan, long sleeved and multicoloured, I like it though Steve doesn't.

I've also ordered myself some new leggings, three pairs, one each, blue, black and shocking pink. Some of my current leggings need throwing away as they have holes and ladders in them. I've been sewing up the holes in them for a few years but it's time to buy new. 

Hopefully it will soon be warm enough to start wearing my summer dresses. I have one left from last year and two new ones that I ordered at the end of last summer.

Perception of danger.

We live near a park, it's a linear park that runs beside a railway line. The river comes into it at the end near where I live.

It covers 36 hectares and runs almost from the M4 to Burghfield.

It's quiet,and I don't often see anyone else apart from an occasional dog walker or children playing in the play parks that are dotted along its length.

The subject of this park came up at y'days quiz morning. Another dog owning resident, Chris never walks her dog in the park, only around the roads.

She said wouldn't feel safe walking in the park. Not that she has heard anything bad about the park, she just feels it is unsafe.

Maybe it's just me but I don't find the park scary, there are houses backing on to one side of where I walk. Of course I was used to walking along the towpath which were mainly unlit. I only walk in the park in daytime never after dark.

Like me Chris has a husband who refused to walk the dogs, she has two. She therefore walks them only around the roads on the lead.

I like Beano to have a run around off the lead and he seems to enjoy himself. This is the main reason for taking him to the park so he can have some off lead time.

Yesterday he found a dead worm and rolled around on it for ages. Dead worms are a favourite with Beano. Only once has he rolled in something that was truly disgusting. We were still living on the boat and I had to shower him three times before he was clean and sweet smelling again.

No good deed.

Goes unpunished, or so it's claimed.

A couple of days ago I found a rosary in the car park.

I didn't realise what it was at first as it was pink and glittery.

Once I realised what it was, I guessed who it belonged to.

When I saw her in the garden I went out to return it to her.

As I turned to return to my flat I tripped, I've no idea what on.

My fall could have been caused by my general unsteadyness.

Whatever, I went an absolute purler and ended up stretched out on the path.

My knees and wrists are an rainbow of green and purple, dotted with red specks where I broke the skin.

One wrist is decidedly swollen.

Nemmind!

Steve has a dilemma

His friend Bob has a new girlfriend whom Steve would like to meet.

Bob has a lot of single male friends but not many couples so he's happy to meet for a meal and a drink.

I'm happy to go along but I will find conversation difficult with my lack of hearing.

Steve's problem is my age and appearance!  

The new girlfriend is in her early 50's and as I'm 71 I'm obviously not impressive arm candy.

Hey ho life's a bitch ain't it!

Answers to some questions

Our flat is bought not rented.

We both have only our state pension Steve's is less than mine because of years worked, and we have some savings.

If Steve goes he will want the savings to enable him to move elsewhere. Possibly to buy a boat, but I've no real idea.

I am booking appointments with various agencies to find out what I'm entitled to.  I expect Steve will want me to sell up so he has money to live on. These places don't sell quickly so he will have a long wait. Unless one of my children would buy him out but I'd rather they didn't.

Chilly here.

 I was up about 7, went into the garden to rescue a bag of rubbish that had been left behind y'day evening. I didn't want the neighbours complaining.

The mad cat lady was in the garden but didn't reply to my greeting, she is obviously still upset about yesterday's get together as it stopped her cat patrolling the garden.

I managed one walk with Beano this morning but it's rained ever since so he's not interested in another walk yet.

Steve obviously has a hangover so is like a bear with a sore head, still at least he's quiet for now.

He's arranged to meet up with a friend at some point for a drink. Said friend wants to show off his new GF,  I'm hoping for a sunny day and we can sit in the pub garden otherwise I can't follow the conversation as the pub is noisy.

Weekend.

Corinne, I've read the guidelines and will bear them in mind.

Coronation party today in the garden under two gazebos, I'm making some sandwiches and chocolate brownies.

I'm looking forward to the party but I'm worried about Steve's behaviour, I'm never quite sure how he will react to things.

I'm expecting Steve to criticise the sandwiches and the cake I make, that's par for the course. He is unlikely to insist on taking over as the last time he did this he realised that he didn't have my skillset.

Allegedly he is leaving here next year, I'm not sure where he is going, he thought originally that I would leave with him. But I'm staying put while I can. I like it here. I'm not sure why he thinks I'd leave, he can't stand me, so why would be expect me to go with him. I will have to leave after he leaves as I cannot afford to live here alone.

Friday there was cake and prosecco in the garden for someone's bday which was nice, Beano came into the garden with me and behaved very well. I think he is benefiting from seeing the same people all the time, instead of the constant changes when we were on the boat.

There was another dog in the garden which barked when it saw the local cat. Beano joined in and everyone was surprised as they'd never heard him bark before.

Spending time in the garden with other people made me determined not to focus on the few unpleasant people here and to concentrate on the rest of the residents.

Fecking dog.

There are two dogs that are walked in the local park, I don't know their names but I refer to them as Dastardly and Muttley. They are very large Labradors, they are friendly but lack training. When I see them out with the wife or daughter of the family the walker is being dragged along willy nilly by the dogs. The husband has no such problems as he doesn't have them on the lead.

I'm the first to admit that Beano is a grumpy old man so I tend to give these dogs a wide berth. Yesterday as soon as I spotted them, Beano and I set off across the field to avoid them. This was to no avail for as soon as Dastardly spotted Beano he came haring over. He did his usual trick of rolling Beano into his back so he can give him a good sniffing. Beano, being a man of mature years resents this treatment and as soon as he was free he chased Dastardly away.

Dastardly, for all his size is a coward and ran away, unfortunately my leg was in the way and he cannoned into me in his haste to get away.

I now have a bruised lump the size of a grapefruit on my leg and it is many shades of green, blue and black!

Nutty as a squirrels fart.

When I find things getting on top of me I can sometimes suffer with panic attacks, they are unpleasant although I try just to breath steadily  and wait for them to abate.

At the moment there is a lot going on and I'm struggling to cope.

1) I frequently really struggle to cope with Steve and his behaviour, I'm permanently on tenterhooks, never knowing what stupid thing he will next lose his temper over.

2) To add to this it seems one of my neighbours feels the need to dress in camouflage and lurk outside my door at night. Said neighbour is worried about her cat. The cat that Beano is scared of. 

Said neighbour has now decided to carry her cat over to my front door EVERY night so Beano, who is terrified of the bloody cat, doesn't scare the cat. This means I have to wait until she has finished lurking before Beano can go out for his late night widdle. And before I can go to bed!

She also digs up my plants in case they are lilies!

She has written to the housing association about Beano but unfortunately for her when the housing manager was here Beano refused to turn into a ravening beast at the sight of her cat and instead, hid behind me. He was however persuaded to let the manager stroke him.

3) My hearing is very poor, when I tried to clean my aids in case wax was causing the problem I realised that last time I visited the audiologist she has fitted cerushields upside down! No wonder I'm having problems. I am now unable to remove the part to repair the fault. Steve is frequently enraged by my inability to hear him. Despite repeated requests that he faces me when talking to me he refuses. I find ignoring him is the best thing to do. He then shouts at me, I can then hear him, and I assume all the neighbours can hear him also!

4) My eyesight continues to deteriorate, I need to see an opthalmologist but I can't face another 8 hour wait at the hospital. Where I get shouted at as the staff refuse to remove their face masks. I may see if I can visit one privately.

I realise none of this is serious but I'm still struggling with it all.

And suddenly!

 It's all gone to hell in a handbasket.

Feeling calmer.

 I'm feeling calmer today about the neighbour who was lurking outside my door.

I shall have words with her and explain how much she scared me.

If she persists I shall report her to the management.

I find the knowledge that I'm going blind scary enough without dealing with idiots dressed in camouflage.

I also have Steve to contend with, I have to ensure he doesn't do anything stupid.

Corinne, the garden is lit at night, it's not in darkness, but I still can't see properly.

I think you get a selection of weirdos wherever you live, when we were on the boat there were frequently alcoholics to deal with. Always deciding to move their boats once they have had a skinful, and crashing into other nearby vessels. Also the people who lived on boats as they found other people hard to deal with.

I'm not Ray

 Neither am I a ray of sunshine.

Living here I'm reminded of a line from a book by Lyssa Medana, one of her characters says "we do seem to have more than our share of the awkward squad living here." Sorry if I've misquoted you Lyssa.

The previous owner of our flat was called Ray, he's been gone a couple of years now. It seems to be a case of gone but not forgotten. 

One of our neighbours walks across the grass in front of our window. It doesn't bother me but I am concerned that she may fall as she walks with a stick. I've tried to speak to her a couple of times but mostly she ignores me. She did finally speak when she saw me with Beano. It seems she had a small dog when she moved here, she did admit it was a very yappy dog and the neighbours complained, especially Ray! This is why she walks in front of the window, it's to upset Ray, who no longer lives here! After telling me this she has gone back to ignoring me.

Last night when I let Beano out for his last widdle before bed I was confronted by a figure dressed head to toe in camouflage. It scared the bejesus out of me. It was another resident who obviously didn't want to be identified. As she is the only Scot living in this complex I recognised her voice as soon as she spoke to Beano. It seems she felt the need to carry her cat over to where Steve and Harry have cleared the ground ready for planting. Just so her cat could take a crap in the freshly turned soil. I'm not bothered about the cat, cats do as they please. But she carried it across the garden as she lives on the other side of the complex.

What really worried me was the way she was dressed, she was wearing a large voluminous cape in camouflage. She had the hood pulled up around her face and she was wearing huge dark glasses. If Beano had barked I'd have gone back indoors and called the police. Fortunately Beano obviously recognised her despite her ridiculous outfit. He wandered around until he chose the spot where he wanted to pee and then wandered back to me.

I really have enough to cope with, without dealing with other mad residents.