Keep calm and carry on.
I know everyone has their own opinion on what I should do but I write this blog to get stuff off my chest.
The longer this situation continues the worse Steve gets, he is becoming more and more confused and when confused he gets irritable. If I threw him out he couldn't cope, I'd be very happy if he left of his own accord but he is unlikely to do that. He has little understanding of how his behaviour affects me or other people.
Y'day our Tesco shopping was delivered, I try to walk Beano at this time but the shopping arrived early. Steve was already pacing between the flat and the car park, getting stressed. When the van arrived Steve hurried back to the flat. I never know what I'm to do if I'm still home when the shopping arrives, sometimes I'm expected to help and Steve shouts of I don't help. Sometimes I'm expected to sit on the sofa out of the way, either way I can expect a bollocking!
On Wednesday I went to Lidl to buy some bread rolls, Steve wasn't well so he didn't feel well enough to go himself. That said he did give me detailed instructions on how to get to Lidl.
I did explain that I knew where Lidl's was but it seems I was wrong. Steve insisted that Lidl's had moved.
It hasn't, I'm not sure what causes his confusion but I just nod and agree with him, there is no point in arguing.
An ex work colleague of Steve's is in hospital in Devon. Steve is thinking of visiting him, I hope he doesn't, he's dreadful in hospitals. I think his ex colleague is unlikely to survive from what we've been told but Steve hasn't grasped this yet.
I'm out with Betty today, I don't know where we are going and I don't much care, it's just so nice to go out.I
in four weeks time, Betty's bowls season starts and then I don't expect to go out with her very often but for now I will enjoy every moment.
16 comments:
Sending ❤️
It's a case of people wanting to help, but sometimes just getting the words down on your blog must help you to process it and try to make some sense of it. You just do you, and know that the 'helpful advice' is just that, people trying to be helpful even though they are not in your actual situation.
I won't offer the advice that I would think of straight away, because that might not apply to you in any shape, sense or form because I have never been in the situation that you are finding yourself in. I will say you must have the patience of a saint not to have walked out for good a long time ago, and I really admire you for that.
Oh and I read the last bit as 'Betty's bowels season' ... then I reread and had a good laugh, I'm glad she's just bowling!!
You know he's not going to leave so you're going to stay and let him abuse you forever until one of you dies, you're the enabler walking on eggshells for all your eternity and now you're being a martyr .That's not the Hester I remember from mse. You've given him years trying to support him through his recovery and all you get is abuse in return, how miserable.I won't comment again,no point in telling you what you don't want to hear and it's probably making you feel worse.If what happened to Beano who You adore and adores you back didn't wake You up then nothing will. You deserve better, so does Beano, don't leave him in Steve's care again after what happened last time if you love that dog at all.
Has he been tested for a form of dementia or cognitive impairment?
I MUST stop reading so fast. I was puzzled, but hoping Betty would be okay. I read "bowel season".
My father had a mental decline in his later years. All of the family did pretty much what you do….just tolerate and humor him. Until….one day he lost it with my daughter and I lost it with him. Very strangely, his behavior improved when I was around him. Maybe it is time you turn the tables on your husband. Nobody should be somebody’s whipping post.
Does he need to go into care ? DO hospitals in the UK have locked wards so he would not harm himself or others with the increasing aggression?
You're not going to throw him out and you know he won't leave of his own accord. It's up to you to make the move, you and your lovely dog or put up with being his verbal punchbag forever. Getting it off your chest just isn't enough.
Gradually the weather will improve and you & Beano can enjoy more walks - My h is not a happy man - His R A has worsened and also his behaviour - Most days he acts as toddler having a tantrum - I try to calm him but that annoys him too -For now I remain x
I'm sorry for you. Ive been reading your blog for many years. Today is the last time.
It's to painful to continue.
Your used to being abused and mistreated
Because of your up bringing.
It's what relationship seems normal to you.
I suggest you go get a mental health consult.
Perhaps if a professional therapist tells you
what we have all been telling you it will wake you from your apathy.
We used to have patients with mental illness wcome in the hospital where I worked.
They would treat their wife's,husbands like trash. The spouse would tolerate the horrible abuse. But when they tried to treat the staff like that,they were quickly told in no uncertain terms to save that crap for their spouse.
Because we will not tolerate it.
Amazingly they could act civil and respectful after being called out.
He can treat others decently he just chooses to abuse you.
That's all right it's your choice.
But don't you ever trust him with that innocent dog. Beano can't protect himself.
I don't care if you think he wouldn't do anything to him.
He's mentally unstable. You do not know what he's capable of.
I wish all the best for you honey.
You don't have to post this its just for your benefit. Please get some help.
I'm glad you published the above comment. Take heed and do something about your situation. He treats others decently but abuses you. Get out of this toxic relationship and take your dog with you PLEASE, don't take this abuse any longer.
I would add talk to his doctor.
He needs to know how Steve's mental health has deteriorated.
Eating fatty,salty, greasy food and drinking
Constantly is not the recommended diet for stroke patients.
Being an alcoholic alone is destroying his brain further.
Get Betty to sign you up for bowling be fun xxx
Sometimes I wish people woukd just shut up! I am worried now that, to protect yourself from all the (well-meant) advice, you will close the blog. That will make your situation more dire because at least you have that outlet. And. Selfish me! I surely don't want to be left not ever knowing what is going on with you! You are right. It is your blog. But I hooe to at keast know how you are getting on. Hopefully Betty will be able to continue to fit you in. She helps so much.
This is so familiar , other half sitting in his corner looks so normal , he is civil to people but he isnt always civil to me and he really doesnt realise it . Theres bugger all help out there till something goes seriously wrong and even these days its a few days help , hospitals are full of promises much like the Council then nothing materializes. The only time i get a break is if he goes to disabled fishing with his brother but theyre both struggling with that physically and maybe once a month i get an afternoon with my daughter. The more pain hes in the worse his behavior
Dont you have Aged Care Assessment ?
G P Referral etc
MargieInMiami
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