Chinadogs. Steve has no concept of how upsetting his behaviour is. He is very unkind and hurtful but if I try to explain, he cannot grasp why I am upset.
The article I shared previously was also about a stroke survivor, it's not that rare unfortunately but mainly seems to affect men!
When I find his behaviour completely unacceptable I tell him, calmly. There is no point getting upset as he just gets defensive and angry.
I have to admit that I mostly step back and ignore him, he has had friends comment on his behaviour, his friends, not mine. But he always has an excuse.
I assume this is his basic personality and maybe he tempered his 'honesty' to appear more acceptable, who knows? According to some Drs this isn't a known side effect of having a stroke but to the staff at the stroke club we used to attend, it's actually very common.
14 comments:
Thank you for your honesty, it sounds as if life is far from easy for you, and I'm sorry about that.
I read somewhere that a brain injury like a stroke can remove all the things we learn as we grow up about being considerate to others, having filters on what we say and do all the niceties of good manners and behaviour. What is left can be thought of as the 'base' human nature with the polish rubbed off and can be compared in a way to how a toddler can't see beyond themselves. You seem to be backing this up, phew, that's tough.
I think I may be suffering from very similar behaviour here - A stroke has not been mentioned to me ever-I only know of his rhuematoid arthritis - and any mention of us trying to get help for his behaviour only makes matters worse-Problem is he seems to be able appear normal in front of others x
When my Dad started his dementia/illnesses path, my Mom once said to me, "If I'd known how much worse "for better or worse" was going to be, I may have had a different answer." Caring for my Dad ground her down, to the point where she cracked, and had a series of small strokes that led to her own dementia. My heart broke for her. She was in service first to her own siblings, and then to our family of 7, and then to my Dad, at the end. She had a few free and fun years. I admire you, that you can make sense of all of this, and hold your ground.
Your doctor is clearly not aware of stroke issues. Here is a good article and it reinforces what you are seeing and that you are doing the right things. https://strokefoundation.org.au/what-we-do/for-survivors-and-carers/after-stroke-factsheets/emotional-and-personality-changes-after-stroke-fact-sheet
Some people are emotionally immature. They are unable to self regulate their emotions and when they come across something that triggers their fears they cannot understand what is happening and look for someone else to blame. This is the constant toddler like behaviour.
https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-1
barb
Sounds rough for both of you, altho, you have been able to adapt and carry on with what you need to do. I am glad you take care of yourself and are practical about dealing with Steve's issues. You sound like a strong woman, Hester. Hope you have people that help you, too.
I think you are amazing
I care for my husband who has terminal cancer, but not the changes ( or increases) to his personality
And I know you have health needs as well
Lots of people would have separated from their partners after strokes, but you are incredible in the way you keep going
I know it’s not easy
In sickness and in health
And all that
I hope this new year , in your new home, is full of good things
Siobhan
Hi Hester
I don't usually comment on blogs but I just wanted to say that I understand the difficulties of living with a stroke survivor. My dad had severe stroke in his early 50's and I was in my mid teens. The dad that came home from hospital was a different dad to the one I had known before he had the stroke. It was very hard for mum and I because we were the ones who had to adapt to the changes because to him he was 'normal'. He developed a short temper and became impatient two characteristics that he didn't have before the stroke.
It takes a lot of courage to continue to live with someone who has changed so much because of something you had no control of and does not realise that they are any different. You have my up most sympathies
Jane
In my experience my late husband and present hubby could not and cannot cope with being ill, I understand it is worrisome when you do not feel yourself.
In both cases, moods changed, memory loss and generally tired 24 hours a day.
Present hubby is, I believe still has health issues, he denies it.
I am sorry you are experiencing such issues that do not appear to change.
Wishing you all the best.
My question is how does Steve treat people other than you. Is he nice to service people, friends
Family? Because if he's able to treat everyone but you decently something is not right.
I know you love your husband but you can not Be a whipping post for anyone. It will destroy you mental health.
I feel for you. My late husband had Lewy Body Dementia and the symptoms sound very similar. Eventually, he went into care as I was unable to cope any longer.
Having a stroke can sometimes bring out all the worst personality traits in it's snuffer's.
Happy New Year to you, your family and your readers. May 2023 be happy and healthy for all.
I am surprised that doctors don't act like they are aware of this type of behavior in men after strokes. I have heard of it happening in families. Maybe some doctors don't listen as much as they speak.
On a lighter note, your picture of Beano makes me feel so cozy just to see him cozy on his stack of blankets. He looks so sweet.
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