Wednesday 1 July 2020

Sometimes

Sometimes I just want to walk away.

Sometimes I want to run away screaming

I woke up this morning swamped with terror.

No particular reason, it just happens more often than I'd like.

I lay still, clutching at the covers and breathed.

It didn't help much.

What's that saying "feel the fear, do it anyway".

The attack has subsided a bit, I'm up, I've walked the dogs.

My heartbeat is still too fast but no longer racing.

A email from my Dr's, one of their Carers Information emails.

Same message as usual, there's lots of help out there, just ask.

In fact there is nothing, never has been.

Very confusing conversation with Steve who was very upset to read that Virgin Airline had gone bust, I couldn't understand why he was upset, we have no need to fly anywhere and no family members who work for them.

I checked the article he was reading, it was Wigan Athletic football club, not Virgin!,

Plaster on a smile.

Keep buggering on.




12 comments:

Rambler said...

I couldn't really make any sense of that initially, then wondered if you meant 'gone bust' rather than 'busy'? So frustrating for you when Steve gets so worked up about inconsequential things that have no effect on your lives. That's when a dog walk is a tonic. Take care xx

Lyssa Medana said...

Sending good vibes and a reminder that you are awesome. Hugs x

Jessica Hollinghurst said...

My husband has severe PTSD and when he is going through an episode it can be very stressful and seems never ending when I feel I can't cope anymore I kneel down at the toilet bowl and say all the swear words I can think of then flush works for me.

Hard up Hester said...

Thanks Lyssa.

Thanks Rambler, bloody predictive text.

Sounds like a good idea Jessica.

Beacee said...

HUgs x

walking in beauty carmarthenshire said...

Good days and bad, never knowing which it will be. We usually start the day asking each other 'what news from the western front?' Cant change it, so carry on as best we can.
I feel for you Hester.
Can I make you a pouch or set up an altar for you? Just say if you would sooner not.
Kathy xxx

Winters End Rambler said...

No words Hester...jsut a virtual hug. x

Catriona said...

Big hugs and listening ear.

Unknown said...

Sue, i used to have severe nightmares where i felt seriously ill. I think i was transfereing joe illness to myself but since his death the nightmares have stopped.
Sylvia

flis said...

I think I have a similar situation which I struggle with and sometimes find impossible to deal with.On occasions it takes over and cannot be ignored.I just remove myself from the situation as soon as I can as reasoning never ever works and is too negative and draining.I have to escape to relax I find is the answer for me.I realised I need to put my own health first x

Theresa Y said...

I felt the same way today. It was all I could do to keep it together today. I guess we just have to hang in there. This is getting very difficult though.

Ellen D. said...

I am glad you can share your thoughts and feelings on your blog. I hope it helps you cope and please know that I am always here to read and listen.

Walking with a list on.

Y'day I had to take my stick to lean on when I went out, today I don't need my stick but I can't walk in a straight line. Nemmin...