Still buggering on.
I should try to post early when I can still see fairly well. But it's not always easy. Sometimes Beano is desperate to go for his first walk of the day. Sometimes I can't think of anything to write about.
Things aren't easy here, Steve is still very much against me joining in with lunch club. He claims it 's because I'm such a crap cook that it's embarrassing. He just hates me doing anything that means I meet people. I've also been out a couple of times with Betty, the first time we went out we both knew he was furious upon our return even though he didn't say anything. The second time he ended up shouting at Betty, fortunately she's tough and wasn't impressed. I can't see her inviting me out again though, it's not fair to expect her to.
You notice he hasn't shouted at me yet, that's because he knows I won't tolerate it.
17 comments:
You know what we're all going to say, sod the man and keep on doing the things that you enjoy. Of course it's easy for us to comment from a distance and the negativity at home must be hard to put up with. But if he's embarrassed he doesn't have to be there. You do what you need to do and hopefully the positive thoughts from us out here will help.
Don't give up your life to suit him, you've already given up far too much of it & you've more than done your duty by him.He can take care of himself that you know.
Keep building your escape fund until you can no longer stand it and make plans to leave one day when he's out for the day with Harry.An existence in fear and servitude is no life at all & it's not fair, you need to live happily, not walking on eggshells with a selfish, narcissistic, alcoholic grumpy old bear.
take love Carrie x
I hope Betty will ask you out again as I am sure your neighbours must know that your life with Steve is not easy. Keep on cooking as you are appreciated by the people in the group and you can at least have some time and conversation with some interesting people.
Take care Catriona
You're a strong woman, Sue - all us carers are, we have to be! Like the others have said, carry on doing whatever you want to do and don't let him grind you down.
I agree with everyone, keep going out, meeting and making friends. Women need a female posse, it keeps us healthy and happy. Keep building your escape fund. You deserve to live as you wish, and in peace. Women don't need to stay indentured to men any longer, especially when the men are cruel. Those days of just accepting our fate are over. You have a right to be happy.
Has it ever occurred to Steve that other people like your cooking, and perhaps he's the only one who doesn't?
If he isn't happy about you doing 'lunch club', that's his problem, not yours, he can either put up or shut up!
If you're an embarrassingly poor cook, he shouldn't be worried, as it simply means that more people will realise what a poor, undernourished, downtrodden soul he is!!!!!
However, we all know that you're a great cook, and I think Steve's worried that other people are going to realise that, and you may just start to gain some self worth back, and he'll no longer have you at his beck and call, apart from when he's in the pub of course!
He's going to have to learn to live with the fact that he married you, he didn't purchase you and you're not his property!
Hopefully, Betty will invite you out again, she surely knows that you need a break from him every so often!
Take care,
Col X
With the miserable sod here - I stupidly sometimes out of compassion I do try to help - But its pointless because he really does not want to be happier - then Im drained - I now. visualise him like a scab which should not be scratched - Only yesterday he was threatening suicide again - His sister said let him - I continue to monitor as the NHS nurse advised x
I hope you ask Betty out and don't wait for her to ask you. Tell her how much it means to you and don't let Steve ruin your outings.
Please ask Betty out xx
The man's a bully.stroke side effects or not.
Dear Hester,
I keep reading and thinking about you.
The effects of the stroke sound so cruel.
Know that you and your needs are still important, carers need care too.
Best wishes.
Nelliegrace
Keep making friends and enjoying their companionship. I admire your positive outlook!
I saw your comment on Going Gently's blog post about 'Sex Over Sixty', how sad I felt for you. What a most selfish and intolerable man, not just about that but every aspect of your life. He belittles you and has no compassion or care for your feelings. I wish I could contribute to your 'escape fund', you deserve happiness and love. Please do the things that bring you joy, going out with Betty sounds like one of those. Michelle x
It has nothing to do with you being a crappy cook. It has to do with him losing his total
control over you.
He can go out when he wants. Go out with his brother,his friends,to the pub to get drunk.
You're supposed to stay in the flat and clean and take his abuse.
He thinks he succeeded by driving off your friend Betty.
So now he just needs to stop you from joining the lunch club and he'll have put you back in your place! Join the lunch club.
You should definitely talk to Betty and take her to lunch. Steve can sit and get drunk till he passes out.
Learn to accept that Steve's brain is damaged - it's not his fault. It doesn't make it any easier to deal with, but his brain doesn't work the way it did when you married him, and if he could, he'd be as sorry about that as you are. I know you used to be very happy together and it's so sad that this has happened. Do all you have to so that you can be content - go out when you want to see friends, join the lunch club whenever, go out with your children - generally try and ignore what Steve says and leave him to get on with his life too. No way is this easy but if you know he can't help how he is now, perhaps it can be accepted? I do feel for you, I cared for my mother who had alzheimers for several years - she also was not the person she used to be - tragedy. Hugs and good wishes, take care of yourself, Elaine
Do Not stop living Your life!
And I wouldn't have tolerated him yelling at my friend. He does it to intimidate. Yell back and keep going to the lunches...but tell him to stay home. Weak men try to control you...show him it isn't working and you'll Not tolerate it.
And I'd ring Betty...
Much love
Donna
What do your family think of how he treats you?
Post a Comment