Life is proving erm complicated at the moment, I had a complete meltdown and almost tore someone's face off last week, some patronising twunt decided to lecture me, totally stupid to get upset by such idiocy but I have a short fuse. She was lecturing me about self care and whilst I know this is important it isn't always easy. She poo-pooed my explanation and informed me that the best thing I could do was have a nice long bubble bath, as we don't have a bath, just a shower, a bubble bath is impossible, so she told me I was just making excuses!
My DD2 who is bipolar is having a difficult time, she was trying so hard to have an amicable divorce but her ex has a new gf who is insisting on all out warfare, DD2 is, throughout this, trying to protect their children, the new gf wants to get married asap hence the warfare.
Steve needs constant encouragement otherwise he'll sit on his bum and do nothing, if I push he digs his heels in. He is desperate to stop going to stroke club.
It's beginning to look as though Beano cannot see well, this is making him scared and when scared he goes into attack mode, he doesn't bite but gets very growly and snarly. He is ok in daylight but when the light is fading he gets very scared of people he is usually pleased to see.
I went for a healing session last week, I'm trying to practice what I learnt.
I'm struggling to get out of bed, feel totally exhausted but I really need to get a grip.
I don't know if you remember my ex tenant, she is on a Facebook group I'm on, well karma is certainly biting her on the bum. So far she's had to move again and had to change letting agents, her car was written off by an uninsured driver, no injuries apart from the car. And now she's posting about being in serious debt. Even I'm now hoping karma gives her a break soon!
21 comments:
It's true that you need to look after yourself, you can begin by ignoring patronizing people that have no idea what you're going through in life.
Bubble baths have never done it for me, although the're useful for drowning twats in. So I believe.
Big bar of chocolate and a nice cup of tea works well, sometimes. Otherwise a bottle of Baileys could work.
Perhaps Beano has cataracts.? My old dog did...
Joyce
I have flashbacks just reading your post. What saved me was the ability to just hang in there and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes things cannot be fixed. You have to find ways to endure. You fix yourself. You fix your attitude. Survival is also about finding ways to relax yourself, to distance yourself mentally (or physically) temporarily from the stress. To give yourself breaks. I would go for walks, go for drives, read books, work crosswords, talk to compassionate friends or family, listen to music, watch videos on you tube, and for some people take a bubble bath. Try to find things that will work for you. I would also highly recommend volunteer work. There's nothing like helping other people in trouble to get your own problems in perspective. Good luck.
Wishing I could do more but offering hugs and love.
I'm so sorry you are going through so much crap at the moment. Why does Steve want to stop going to Stroke Club? Poor Beano. He's so lucky he's got you. xxx
I am glad you are back. I was beginning to worry. I identify with many aspects of your life. Husband has come with dimentia? Alzheimer's? this past year. We had our 56th anniversary a few weeks ago, Not really. He forgot the day, and there was really no point in reminding him. I live with a stranger. My escape is too many hours on my iPad. Reading blogs, playing cards, working puzzles. In between doing all the necessary chores that keeping the house running requires. Old Man no longer even wants to go somewhere to eat. He wants me to cook. No fun there, because he has no preferences. Whatever I put on the table is fine, as long as it's "not too much." He no longer helps care for our dogs. Just watches whatever they do. Finds it "interesting", even if a dropped pill, or a furniture leg is involved!!
People who suggest you do things that require you to leave home don't understand. I am told to "take a break". First, it isn't possible to leave him alone for long. And, it is hard to have an enjoyable time because who knows what I will come back to?
The most positive part of my life is four friends who form our knitting/crocheting group. They visit me every Monday night. Lots of hugs and support. I am also like you in that I have a stack of things I have made that nobody cares to claim. Quilts, afghans, etc.
just know that you do have a cheering squad for you. Some people who understand.
I hope karma gives you a break too! You deserve a break in the clouds x
Im so sorry to hear about what you are going through. There is nothing much that I can say to help or suggest except that nothing stays the same. I can assure you that at some point things will change and get better. It’s difficult to believe this at times but, I can promise, it is true. The tide comes in and out and so do the hard times. I’m sending you a big hug and very best wishes x
Where do you meet all these wankers? You know more wankers than anyone else on Earth.
Flickering vibes en route.
W
Lots of empathy Hester, having been a full-time carer for my disabled wife for almost 10 years, I can appreciate your frustration
Most people just don't realise how exhausting it can be when there's no days off and no respite.
And Yes, the bright young things are very good at offering useless advice but no practical help.
I don't have so much going on in my life as you but at times I do struggle-it helps me to think of the various quotes-dance in the rain etc.I've been wondering how you were coping,pleased you're pulling through x
What a time you are having - so sorry for your troubles - feel free to have a moan any time you need it - there will always be some sympathetic readers who really do care.
Oh Sue, You're really being put through the mill lately aren't you!
I can't offer much but sympathy for you having to suffer all these things.
Your DD2 needs to console herself with one thought, if her soon-to-be ex’s new gf is being a bitch now, she's going to lead him a dog's life! DD2's well off out of it and away from him!
Steve's being a huge pain in the arse, but he's really not doing it deliberately, I know it feels as though he is, but he's honestly not!
There are always going to be idiots who have no idea what your life is like spouting useless advice at you, I could say try to let it 'go over your head', but I know that's a lot easier said than done! I'm at one with you, tear their stupid damn faces off! It may not fix your situation at all, but it will lower your blood pressure.
The nights are getting lighter all the time, so that should help poor little Beano. It must be terrifying if he can't see clearly and people suddenly appear right in front of him.
Keep hanging in there, spring is just around the corner, things will get better, DD2 will come out of the messy divorce with her head held high, and children are so resilient, they'll recover quickly, and hopefully have a great relationship with their dad.....if not, they'll see him for what he is!
There are many of us sending positive vibes your way, and I for one do not wish for your ex tenant to 'get a break', life's just coming back around to bite her on the bum.
And, always remember, when you reach the end of your rope, make a knot and hang on!
Love and strength to you, Col X
Unless people have gone through anything like what you are, they will never understand. It is a club that I wish I didn't belong to too, this having our lives irreparably damaged. Grief ( which is what your are going through - even though Steve lived ) just doesn't go away after a certain amount of time, you have to try to live with it, and some days it is unbearable. And I always find that all the shit comes together, so you cant concentrate on one problem, you are torn between feeling what you feel, and trying to be strong. Well some days you cant cope. There is nothing anyone can say, you just have to hope that tomorrow you wake up feeling more able... Keep venting, it helps - and don't let the assholes get you down! - and hope that they get theirs one day from Karma.
So sorry. Seems you're just getting smacked with things left and right and you can't come up for air. Hopefully things will calm soon. Hugs coming across the pond straight to you!
So I have this plaque on my wall that says, "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow..." I think you are so courageous because you just keep trying and you hang in there! You are great!
I'm entirely behind self-care and that includes taking the opportunity to rip a new one for anyone being idiot enough to suggest the impossible.
Sending hugs and good vibes.
Just in case Beano does have cataracts, there are drops for this. (Have been plotting to use them on myself actually; less expense then surgery, follow ups, RX's...)! Best wishes! Laura in South Louisiana
My knees are so bad that my bubble bath days are over, wait a minute, I never enjoyed bubble baths since I was about 10 years old. I love a nice relaxing hot shower and shampoo.
One of the last times my Dad was in the hospital for a physical problem, an occupational therapist came into his room while I was visiting. I waited in the hall outside of his door for a while as she spoke with him. She spoke to him as if he was a three year old. Dad was as bright, and sharp as a tack as he always was. I was eavesdropping just outside his door as they went into the bathroom to see if he could brush his teeth,and she was telling him what he needed to do. He just listened as she was explaining it to him. Then I heard her talking about how she couldn't get the tooth paste to come out. She was going on about that for a few minutes, as my Dad was silent. After a while Dad told her that she was going to have to remove the piece of foil that was sealing the tube before the toothpaste would come out. I believe he was trying not to embarrass her, so he let her go on and on about the toothpaste not coming out. She stopped talking down to him after that. He didn't have any history of dementia, so I don't know why she would have been treating him like that. Maybe some medical professionals just get into a habit of interacting with all of their older clients in the same way.
As a carer for both of my parents some years ago I recognise the howls of despair and the rage at people who think they have the right to tell us how we should be doing yet more caring - this time for ourselves. My heart goes out to you. ((((Hugs)))
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