Kate I had one of those days today, I just wanted to sit and howl. Unfortunately I had to collect the grandchildren from school and as I can't drive and cry at the same time I just drove.
Every day it's the same, continuous complaints and criticism, I just find it so wearing.
Anon, according to the medical people I've seen there is no such thing as post stroke personality change. They mostly seem to think I'm imagining it!
This week will be busy which means an even more stressful time.
We needed to buy coal. This meant a trip out as the coal on the marina is very pricey. Steve got upset as he couldn't work out the percentage saved between the marina coal and Aldi.
Today I tried to fill in the ESA form, I couldn't do it. Steve had a meltdown, tried to do it himself, couldn't do it. All my fault along with doing the washing wrong, not printing out a form he wanted, not walking the dog correctly. I got one bollocking after another, lost my temper eventually which just caused more problems.
Later I collected the dgd's from school, I'm doing this up until Christmas as DD has counselling every Monday. Seeing the dgd's cheered Steve up, they make him laugh, they have accepted that he has changed, they say he has an ouchie in his head.
Tuesday I'm cooking for stroke club, I enjoy it but Steve would prefer me not to do it.
I have a blood test booked for Wednesday, this will send Steve's stress levels through the roof, I'm wondering whether to cancel it, it might be easier.
Thursday is a free day I think, hopefully we can relax.
Friday one of Steve's brothers may visit, we may go out for lunch, not sure yet.
Scrimping and saving, ranting and raving. Past retirement age.
16 comments:
The medical people are incompetent. He has suffered a significant physical change which has resulted in a full life change not for the better. He cannot do what he used to do either physically or mentally and that in itself can be frustrating and frightening. His stroke has certainly changed him in many ways no matter what the medical people say.
Hang in there. Ana USA
Hester, if the medical folks tell you that, you know it’s bo***cks don’t you!? Steve has had a firework go off in his brain which has changed his personality big time. It’s a known fact that stroke causes this. I can’t believe they’ve said that to you and I’m furious for you both! I know that doesn’t help you at all, but please keep ringing your stroke nurse and make a nuisance of yourself!
We know they can help more!
Huge hugs x
Hester, get that blood test done, bugger Steve's reaction, You have to put your own health first. If you don't look after your own health then you're neither use nor ornament to anyone else.
Love from your mate Nargle.
You may want to refer your medical people to any of the following websites from around the world! Because according to all of these experts it is a very real phenomenon.
https://www.stroke.org/en/about-stroke/effects-of-stroke/emotional-effects-of-stroke/personality-changes-post-stroke
https://guidelineshealth.com/health-care/post-stroke-changes-in-your-personality-what-happens/
https://strokefoundation.org.au/about-stroke/help-after-stroke/stroke-resources-and-fact-sheets/emotional-and-personality-changes-after-stroke-fact-sheet
And yes, get your blood test done - whatever you do - don't neglect your own health!
Age UK will help you fill in the ESA and PIP forms...you can go to the local office, or they may visit your home. You have to call first, and make the appointment. If your local office don't provide this service, they will point you in the right direction.
Of course he's had a stroke related personality change, who in this world would not after such an event and loss of so much?
A million hugs. Wish I could do more but I live in the middle of Canada. More hugs.
I'm with Marjorie. Here's a million more hugs.
Gosh , my mother had a pronounced personality change after her stroke. She was a nasty woman, but after her stroke, she was full of bonhomie, laughter, love and risque jokes. The doctor said I should enjoy the new her. Unfortunately, she fairly quickly resumed her old personality as she completely recuperated from her stroke. There is definitely a personality change after a stroke and it can be severe, pronounced and diametrically opposed to the original personality. Your patience astounds me and I hope Steve finds his recuperation and old self soon. All the best.
By the way, go for your medical test. You have no idea what they might find and it is best to get whatever early. I went for my regular mammogram and found I had cancer. My dear friend skipped hers for a year, and then died of a cancer too long established and spread.
Have you tried not telling him to the last minute about things that distress him. My husband suffers from mild depression at times so that is what I do. Also I sat him down and told him I could cope with his depression but not taking the blame for it. He used to pick an argument with me to justify his mood. That has all stopped now after our talk he now tells me he is feeling down and I can help.
Try talking ,not saying it will work but worth a try maybe you could get some counselling.
You really do need to look after yourself, because if you don't, you'll be no good to anyone.
As someone has suggested try not telling Steve things until the last minute.
Also for the medics to say strokes don't change personalities, they are talking through there arse, it is a well known problem with any type of brain damage.
Please look after yourself or you will not be of any use to anyone.
In the case of a stroke or TIA it can definitely change someone's personality. My Dad became very selfish,demanding and suspicious after his stroke. After her TIAs my Mum swore for the first time in her/my life which surprised us all.
You must go for your blood test, it's important you stay well. I don't know if talking will make a difference but its worth trying. You cant be held responsible for what has happened, especially when you are going out of your way to help. Hugs all the way. X
Hello,
I do enjoy your blog, but am sorry thing are so tough right now
You have the patience of a saint
No such thing as a personality change, well, that's the biggest load of bollocks I've heard in many a year!
My Dad had a fairly minor stroke whilst at work when he was 56, followed by lots more until the catastrophic stroke which ended his life when he was just 61.
He was always quite quick tempered, but after even the first stroke he didn't only have a short fuse, he had no fuse at all! He'd been a wonderful driver, he was a Police Officer and it was always stated that if you wanted to learn how to handle a vehicle at high speed, go out with Frank, he was the best driver there was. His driving became erratic, he'd deliberately drive the wrong way down one way streets, just to test his reflexes, it was terrifying being in a car with him. Mum took his licence away from him, and got their Dr to get him banned for life.
He lost his job after the first stroke, he was a career copper, so he felt as though he was on the scrapheap and took out his frustration verbally on whoever was prepared to listen. Occasionally the lovely, funny, intelligent, confident, and truly wonderful man who was in there surfaced, but never for long, although he was always wonderful with my son, who was eighteen months, but he thought he was his son, and that I was the paid nanny, which absolutely broke my heart.
Next time a 'medical professional' tells you it's your imagination, let them know they're talking through their arse!
And, go for your blood test, or else!!!!!! Take care. X
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