And repeat.

We are meeting Steve's friend Bob for lunch today he's bringing his wife so I'm included in the invitation.

But firstly the supermarket delivery is due today and we've been advised that it could be 30 minutes late.

So Steve is having a full blown panic attack, I've offered to stay home and take the delivery in if we are still waiting when we should be leaving. 

We aren't due at the pub until 1 o'clock and the delivery is due at 11:30. I can't see a problem but Steve does and is panicking accordingly.

Lunch out.

Today is our 24th wedding anniversary so we went out for lunch. It wasn't an unmitigated success though all went well until it was time for dessert.

I'm not sure why Steve decided we needed to go out usually if we celebrate it's with a takeaway, still I'm not one to turn down a meal out.

We went to a nearby pub, we were given a lift there and back which was good as it been very hot here.

We ate in the garden as there was a nice breeze, I'd taken Beano's water bottle and his cool mat for him to lay on so he was comfortable.

Steve had three courses, mushrooms as a starter, chicken skewer with chips for his main course and ice cream.

I only had a main course, a chicken skewer with hummus and flatbread. Between the main course and the ice cream I took Beano for a wander around the garden as he's been so good sat on his cool mat.

When we got back to the table Steve has ordered ice cream to share, there was a choice of vanilla, strawberry, chocolate or a sorbet. Steve had ordered four scoops of chocolate ice cream, whilst this was a kind thought, I don't like chocolate ice cream but I ate some to avoid the lurking strop. It's the same when he makes coffee in the morning, he never puts sugar in mine as he's convinced I don't take sugar. I only like half a spoonful as does Steve so why he cannot remember this after 24 years I do not know.

I was glad to get home as Steve's mood was deteriorating, we got home in time for me to go across to the summer house for a while. Steve stomped around in the garden, knocking back the lager until he cheered up.

I can't

 Swim, ride a bike or dance.

My mother suffered with her nerves, she visited the Dr who suggested she get pregnant. This seems to have been a common suggestion in the 1950's

My mother complied but unfortunately once I was born she realised this was not the panacea she had hoped for. So she got a job and I went to a childminder. I don't remember the child minder but I do remember going to work with my mother on a regular basis.

I'm not sure that having me was the hoped for cure-all and she continued to suffer. For this reason I was not allowed to learn swim. Mother reasoned that if learned to swim I'd go into water and drown. I was not allowed to ride a bike either, because if I learned to ride of go out with other children and get run over.

The only children I was allowed to mix with were a brother and sister who lived a few doors away. This wasn't an ideal situation as I was regularly sexually assaulted by the father of these children!

As for dancing, I have two left feet and can no more dance than I can fly.

I do have some skills, I can cook, with or without a recipe, I can sew, knit and crochet but not very well now as I can't see properly.

Hayfever.

JacquieB, I bought my trolley when we were living on the boat, it's strong and sturdy and has three wheels either side. This meant it was very good at managing lumpy, bumpy tow paths. 

My hayfever is bad this year, I'm not sure if it's me or if it's a bad year for it. I'm sniffing and snuffling, wheezing and sneezing and I'm driving Steve mad because it's made my deafness worse which means he's having to repeat himself. I shall be glad when I recover.

Too hot for Beano.

Beano doesn't like the hot weather, it makes him itch so I try to walk him early in the morning when it's cooler.

On Friday's I try to walk him before Steve gets up , this way we avoid the pacing and panicking that Steve does whilst awaiting the supermarket delivery.

I've never had a delivery that hasn't turned up and only once has a delivery been really late. The supermarket let us know and it wasn't a problem as we weren't going anywhere.

When we were living on the boat I was approached by a delivery driver as I was walking Beano. He was parked on the canal bridge and could see the boats moored below but didn't know how to access them. As the delivery was for us I was able to show him where we were moored.

If I was shopping for myself wouldn't use a delivery service, we have two supermarkets at the top of the road and I have a wally trolly so I'd shop there. But Steve orders six trays of Fosters every week which is too much to carry.

Questions.

To answer a few questions.

Steve doesn't seem to remember that we were ever happy, he seems to believe his life has been one of constant misery. He says was happy living on the boat but I made him leave and move to the flat. He couldn't manage anything apart from steering. The heavy work, the locks etc were left to me, this was manageable with the smaller boat when only one pair of gates needed opening. But Steve wanted a bigger boat, a wide beam, this meant we couldn't share the locks with another boat. It was a while before I realised he was using the boat as a way of ensuring I didn't talk to people. With a narrow bean you can get two boats in a lock together. With a wide beam this is rarely possible.

When Steve is asked by a Dr or nurse about his drinking habits he lies and claims to only drink occasionally. If I contradict him he gets stroppy and claims I'm lying.

I am now past caring, I try to maintain some quality of life for myself. This usually revolves around dog walking, anything else and Steve tries to stop me doing it. I have plans for if Beano dies before me as I know Steve will use it as an excuse to stop me leaving site. My neighbour Betty takes me out sometimes, Steve has shouted at her but she stands up to him. Other neighbours are reluctant to place themselves in the line of fire, and who can blame them.

Aches and pains.

Steve has been taking Nurofen plus painkillers for a painful knee for a couple of months. Actually he takes painkillers most of the time though the reasons vary. 

As I said it's his knee that is currently bothering him, he thinks it's swollen but I can't see any swelling. He does limp when he walks. There again he has carrying far too much weight so his knees may well be painful. He believes he gets plenty of exercise because he potters in the garden but our trip to the nearby charity shop proved him wrong. He really struggled to get there and caught the bus back.

This evening he's been clutching his wrist, it seems that it's painful. He will start wearing his wrist brace and continue to take the painkillers I'm sure, I have tried to persuade him to cut down but he won't. I know they aren't good for him but he will continue to take them. He's not 70 yet but he has a very poor diet and drinks far too much. The extra strong painkillers don't help.

At a stroke.

Ellen's asked if Steve was kinder before he had his stroke, yes he was was a loving and lovely  husband. We had some very happy years but when Steve had his stoke, that  was it, all happiness was at an end.

He came round after a few days, confused as to who the old woman sat by his bed could be.

He was convinced he was in his thirties so obviously I couldn't be his wife, could I?

I spent hours sitting beside his hospital bed, worrying about him.

Eventually he left hospital and returned to live on the boat, the marina manager was very kind. Assuring us that we could stay in the marina until Steve recovered. 

He never really has. He is not the man I married, he is no longer a loving husband. It's been about eight years now.

Please note any comments about how Steve's behaviour is not being caused by his stroke will be deleted. I'm tired of hearing rubbish from people who have no experience in the this matter.

Saturday

This morning I had intended to drop a couple of dresses off at a local charity shop, they are brand new but both are a size 18, much too big for me so I'll never wear them. I have a bad habit of buying clothes that are far too big, this is fuelled by Steve's constant complaints about how massively fat I am. I have finally realised that Steve's complaints are caused by his own inadequacies, he wears 3XL clothes, he is about 5' 6. I'm not claiming to be skinny, I'm a size 12/14 but usually wear a 14/16 for comfort. 

Steve insisted on coming with me to drop off the dresses, he first suggested that I might get lost and when I explained that I knew the way he said the area I was going to could be dangerous. It's hardly Beirut but he came along anyway. I managed to persuade him to walk there but he insisted on catching the bus home as his leg was painful!

I realised that I'd managed 6000 steps and was very pleased, it's what I aim for but rarely manage. I usually only get to 5500.

Friday.

Friday was a lovely day, once the supermarket delivery had been put away and Steve had gone to meet up with his friend.

Beano had a couple of walks and I bumped into a dog walking friend and had a chat.

 I received a delivery from Ronnie at Witchcrafter Hippie Shed. This included the small  bag made from sari fabric I'd ordered along with a necklace and a pack of Dragons Blood joss sticks. The joss sticks reminded me of my friend Lyssa Medana as she mentions Dragons Blood in some of her books. I ordered the bag to carry my phone in when I walk Beano and I'm not wearing a jacket.

I went to the summer house in the afternoon and chatted to some of my neighbours. I also had a piece of birthday cake as it was a neighbours birthday.

Steve messaged me to tell me the train he'd planned to catch had been cancelled and that he'd be later home than he expected. He was very tired and grumpy by the time he got home. 

Watching.

I enjoy watching videos of people trying on new clothes especially older ladies  and larger ladies.

I know it's weird as I have very little interest in wearing nice clothes, I just like seeing other people in them.

I'm not wearing my summer dresses yet, it's still too cold here, I have however started wearing my thinner leggings and t-shirts, topped with a cardigan.

I reused one of my dresses as there were holes in the skirt, but that still leaves me with enough. They are all the same, they have an elasticated top and the skirts are almost ankle length. They are not meant to be long but I'm very short.

Scars.

My first mother in law's arms were always marked with burns. She claimed they were proof that she was excellent cook! I think it was proof that she was clumsy.

This morning I burned my arm using the air fryer, I was cooking some chicken pieces for myself. I usually use the oven but today I used the air fryer as I'd just spent some time scrubbing it clean. It didn't need cleaning again when I'd  as the chicken was wrapped in greaseproof  paper!

I'm very dizzy today and very bunged up in the ear department, Nemmind this too will pass.

Wednesday.

Lyssa, brilliant comment, absolutely brilliant.

Dog lover, the Midsomer Murders books are much better than the tv series, much more detailed and a bit darker, although not gory.

Yesterday after deciding leave the floor alone, Steve went into town to have breakfast. He is going out again on Friday with his friend Bob, so I get two peaceful days this week. He did come rushing in when he returned home to check if I'd gone to the summer house but he found me asleep on the sofa as I'd had a very disturbed night. Beano had been restless and wandering about so I went into the living room with him.

The weather is very changeable here, sunny one minute and overcast the next. I still have more books to read so I'm happy.

Monday

Today Beano has had two a walks, one to the park and one round the streets. We didn't see any dogs for Beano to play with but he still has a nice run about. I shall take him out again soon, as he's not allowed in the communal garden he has to be walked off site.

Steve has taken part of the flooring up yet again and replaced it once more! I'm so glad we live on the ground floor, if we lived above other people they'd be fit to murder Steve by now. I'm burying my head in my kindle and reading another Midsomer Murders book.

Moving to Causton

Causton, for those of you who don't know is a fictional town where the TV series  Midsomer Murders is set.

Being thoroughly hacked off with Steve constantly removing and refitting the new flooring. I treated myself to the first six books in the Midsomer Murders series by Caroline Graham. If I hadn't, I think there would have been a murder committed here. I ordered them for my kindle so there were no suspicious parcels to alert Steve to my spending spree.

He doesn't often comment on my purchases now and if he does I immediately remind him of how much he spends on beer every week. I spend money on books, I can't see well enough to read real books so I read on my kindle. I also take it in turns to pay when I go out with Betty and have lunch. 

Betty and I hadn't been out for a few weeks, Betty is busy with her bowls and last time she offered was when I was going to the circus. We went to a nearby supermarket and even though I'd had a supermarket delivery that morning I still found a few things to buy. We then had fish and chips in the supermarket cafe, it was very nice, hot and freshly cooked.

Thank you Cindy

 Just  a thank you to Cindy for her very kind and generous gift. 

I seem to have deleted your email address so thought this was the best way to let you know your beautiful and uplifting card and gift has arrived.

Thank you again for you kindness.

Shopping

The supermarket delivery is due today so Steve will be up and pacing imminently.

As soon as Steve starts to pace Beano wants to go out again, probably because he can't cope with Steve pacing and panicking. Steve prefers me to stay home until the shopping has been delivered but as I usually only order a few items I don't feel this is necessary.

This is all part of Steve's need to BE IN CONTROL! It's exhausting. 

I'm hoping to visit Cass again soon, Steve sulked after I went last time which gave me a few days peace.

All clear

Beano visited the vet again this morning, he has the all clear on his paws and also was given his yearly inoculation. I knew it was due as I'd received a reminder.

We had a long wait at the surgery as one vet was out sick and Beano got quite stressed, but eventually it was all done and we returned home. Beano has slept since we returned.

Steve huffed and puffed about the cost when I said Beano as needed his yearly jab. He then went out with Harry shortly after, yet another trip to Screwfix and breakfast afterwards.

Steve had ordered the supermarket shop whilst I was out, I added the things I wanted when I got home. I didn't need much, I ordered some more wraps as I prefer them to sliced bread, I also ordered some fruit and salad stuff, there is still plenty of chicken and fish in the freezer.

Trip to the vet.

Thursday last week Beano started chewing his paw, I couldn't see a problem but he was still doing it at the weekend so 9:30 this morning my neighbour and i I took him to the vet. We were asked to return at midday so we did.

Unfortunately there was a problem with the patient before Beano so it was 1 o'clock before he was seen. We finally got home just after 2 o'clock. I'm £144 lighter but I expected it to be worse.

Beano is snoozing on the sofa, I'm wiped out so I will also have a snooze.

We have to return on Thursday to have Beano checked over, My neighbour will drive us again.

Walking and breathing.

When I walked Beano this morning I did my breathing exercises, that way I feel calmer by the time I return home. I didn't meet any other dog walkers as I slept in and it was past 8 o'clock when I left site.

I did see a red London bus though, I'm assuming it was a private hire, it was an old Routemaster I think. 

I looked at the gardens as I walked, some are a sea of dandelions, which I love but no doubt annoys their neighbours. Others are immaculate, one puts out a bowl of water for passing dogs but Beano won't drink from it. Puddles and canal water, yes but not clean drinking water.

I went to the circus!

Yesterday Cass picked me up and we went to the circus, there were 10 of us. This included her two newest foster children aged 4 & 6 neither of whom are toilet trained and both are skinny and small for their age.

The 6 year old could only cope with the first half of the circus so Cass stayed outside, the other children went back in and I sat next to the 4 year old who bounced and clapped non-stop. Then screamed all the way home " I wanna go back! " Cass has promised another visit soon.

Who's a genius?

Not me, that's for sure but unfortunately since his stroke Steve is convinced he's brighter than most. He has purchased stuff for the flat without consulting me and then not got what he thought he'd ordered! This obviously ends up being all my fault.

Beano on the other hand is very bright, he runs rings round Steve and Steve doesn't realise.

If Beano wants a chicken treat and neither Steve or I will give him one, he asks to go outside for a wee. When he gets back Steve immediately gives him a treat on his return.

More floor.

Oh Flis, I do feel for you.

The floor is partly down, Bob arrived after lunch and helped, he would have stayed longer but Steve wanted to go to the summer house. So now we have the bathroom and the bedroom without finished flooring.

I'm hoping to go out on Friday with my daughter and her children, I'm really looking forward to it. I haven't left site apart from walking Beano for almost two weeks now.

You do you

I'll do me!

Like Sooze, I use my blog to vent, yes people can comment as they choose and I can choose to ignore their comments.

I particularly like the 'I'm a medical professional and Steve's behaviour isn't caused by his stroke'. I've met many stroke survivors and some of them behave exactly the way Steve does!

Still here, still buggering on.

I'm still trying to visit the summer house most days to see my neighbours, Steve is still following me over after a few minutes and sits glowering at me until I leave.

I've just walked Beano in the park, on Saturday's the park is full of dogs, Beano doesn't approve so we walk around the edges. The path to the park is very narrow so when we met a chap with a push chair, a bulldog and a very wet spaniel I stood between them and Beano and he watched them in silence fortunately!

Steve is about to remove the bathroom flooring yet again, it seems to be his latest hobby and is driving me mad. I'm at an age where I like to keep hydrated which means regular loo breaks. This is not permitted as walking on the floor is forbidden!

What with an antisocial dog and a difficult husband my life is not always full of joy. Therefore on dog walks that do not involve the park I find joy looking at the gardens I pass.

In the news.

I returned home from Beano's first walk this morning to find Steve in a rage. He started shouting and swearing as soon as I walked through the front door. I don't take a lot of notice, it doesn't take much to enrage Steve. This time it was an article in the daily wail about a criminal who could not be deported. Whilst I agree that foreign criminals probably should deported, I don't think the daily wail is necessarily to be believed. I also really resent being shouted and sworn at as though it was my personal decision!

Today, I read this:-

My silence doesn't mean I agree with you, it means I've been rendered speechless by your stupidity!

I have to say it was so appropriate it made me smile, I really need all the smiles I can get today.

New flooring.

The carpet in the flat is beyond disgusting, It's cream and pretty ancient. There is a black edge all around it from where it's been cleaned but the dirt has been pushed to the edges.

I suggested getting it replaced with a hard floor, much more practical with a dog.

I have some savings and would be happy to contribute towards the cost.

On his way back from his audiologist appointment Steve went to look at flooring. He arrived home and announced he's chosen the stuff we need. He wants a very dark brown vinyl not what I'd choose but it will be better than our current flooring.

When we were first together Steve was happy for me to make suggestions but now he makes all the decisions with regards to the decorating and flooring.

Oh well, it will be easier to keep clean.

Catch up.

 Flis, I'm lucky mine doesn't get up until after 10 a.m. and is often back in bed by 9 p.m.

Nelliegrace, my daughter usually keeps her foster children until they are ready to leave care. They are the ones who's parents don't want them adopted but can't look after them.

We have a get together planned here, I've donated four bottles of Prosecco, I used to like it but can no longer drink it. I will spend a few minutes socialising but not too long as I find it exhausting, struggling to follow a conversation.

A big shop!

A flying visit from Cass again. Social Services phoned her this morning. They need an emergency placement for a small boy.

Cass arrived here, we went to Lidl, ran round like loonies, she spent £400 on lots of different food, hopefully there will be stuff he likes.

Tomorrow she will take him clothes shopping that way he can choose the clothes he likes.

She has no idea how long he will stay with her for.

Someone commented that Steve is probably unhappy and should be on tranquilizers, he already is!

Bunw, Steve has had many brain scans since his stroke.

Two tins of sardines.

That's all it took to induce rage in Steve!

We placed our Tesco order this morning as we do every week. If it was up to me, I'd walk up to Aldi/Lidl at the top of the road! But then I don't buy six trays of Fosters lager every week.

I like to purchase different items occasionally, this confuses Steve. He has a very restrictive diet so buys the same things every week. He feels this is the correct way to shop, not choosing random items that catch my eye as I shop. Last time I shopped with Betty I bought a large mango and a punnet of raspberries. Both were eaten and greatly enjoyed, Steve doesn't approve. Today I've ordered two tins of sardines, they will be eaten mashed on toast or in a salad bowl.

I think Steve is always on the verge of rage, as soon as he's awake he reads the news online and instantly becomes enraged. My answer would be to not read the news, most of it doesn't affect Steve, especially the news from America, and if it does affect him/us, here is bugger all we can do about it.

All we can do is plod on, I keep a stock of basic food in along with batteries and other useful items, I can do no more and worrying won't help.

Life

Life continues to stutter along.

The only flat surface in the flat is covered in seed trays, most of the plants are already flowering! There are many more plants than we have room for,  Steve does this every year.

I used to enjoy gardening but I won't do it here, everyone has an opinion on every plant. Two people have complained about the Muscari I bought because they don't like it.

Steve's behaviour is becoming more and more erratic, he is convinced he is a genius and that he rest of the world is wrong.

Whatever happened to the lovely, kind man I married?

I try to be patient but sometimes I snap.

The flat is looking better with the help of my cleaner, Steve isn't happy, he doesn't want a cleaner, but as he won't help with the things I can't reach, he will have to put up with her. He is whingeing about her but that's nothing new.

I went shopping with Betty on Friday, we had lunch out too, we went to a local garden centre. I also bought a new tee shirt.  I have been wearing the same few summer dresses for a few years now so by wearing a tee shirt on top they will look slightly different.

Desire paths.

I read about desire paths ages ago on a blog that seems to have disappeared.

They are footpaths that are caused by footfall rather by design.

There is a desire path near where I live, it leads to the nearby park. The correct path is very narrow and is beside a very busy road.

I don't use the correct path very often, only very rarely in the morning before the traffic builds up.

The desire path is safer as it is between two pieces of land, away from the busy road.

A neighbour has contacted the council many times about improving the desire path. It suffers from poor drainage and is ankle-breakingly rough, with lots and broken bricks along its length. The council, of course do nothing, the path is not theirs to maintain, it is merely a path because of the footfall.

Up and down.

I took Beano to the park this morning, it was empty so we had a nice long walk.

So much to see, red kites, magpies, grass frosty in parts, vivid green elsewhere where the sun shone on it. I found a huge patch of violets, some dead nettles and bluebells in the wooded areas.

I had a few difficult days, I'm out the other side for now. Steve's out today, no idea where, don't much care, it gives me a few whinge free hours. But it does annoy me that he lies about where he's going.

I've just tried to use the Hoover, I have a Henry that I was perfectly happy with but Steve insisted on keeping it on the top shelf of his wardrobe. When I explained that I couldn't keep lifting it down and that I needed him got lift it down for me, he purchased a stick Hoover. It's absolute rubbish, the insides are extremely convoluted and get blocked regularly. The clips that hold it together are very stiff and it's painful for me to unclip them when it need emptying. I've been asking Steve to unclip it and empty it but he's convinced that I can't remember what to do. So today I've managed to take it all apart and discovered that's the insides are jammed solid. Steve's been emptying the little tank at the top but hasn't checked the pipes!

Sick walk.

Walking Beano this morning I was having to hopscotch  to avoid puddles of sick.

I even checked my phone to see what day it was, weekends the pavements are frequently generously spattered, but today is Tuesday. 

Fortunately Beano shows no interest and will walk carefully around the vomit. One of my dog walking friends has to keep her dog on a very short lead otherwise it will try to eat the vomit.

I'm pretty certain it's the same person every time as the vomit is always on the same route. 

I can understand that people sometimes overestimate their alcohol capacity occasionally. But every weekend and now weekdays as well!

Stressed!

Fliss, you have my utmost sympathy!

It's bloody hard work dealing with some husband's isn't it.

I'm also at the stage of wanting to be in another room, unfortunately we only have two!

For me, it's eight years since his stroke and whilst I did have some sympathy, it has been gradually eroded by the constant complaining. Also the blame game, all sorts of things seem to be my fault even though I had no input whatsoever.

All we can do is keep buggering on and try to support each other along with other people in a similar situation.

Hanging on by a thread.

To my sanity that is. I have a twitch in my left eye, a sure sign in stressed.

Steve won't wear his hearing aids in the flat as he thinks "I just need to speak up". If I speak up any more the entire estate will hear me. Three times today I told him I'd already fed Beano but he fed him again anyway.

One of the residents has sanded down a garden bench and re-varnished it. He's done a good job and it looks great.

Not to be outdone another resident tried to persuade Steve to do the other bench with him. Having been blamed before for a job poorly done, by this neighbour, Steve refused. Said resident set to, lost interest after a very short time. We now have a bench in the garden that looks like it has leprosy. This is also causing Steve a great deal of stress.

Big girls knickers on.

I'm having a bit of a cook-a-thon today, I really need to improve my eating habits but it's an uphill struggle. I've cooked some salad potatoes, some boiled eggs and some chicken. I've started a vegetable soup too to use up the fridge drawer debris.

Steve bought a Wagamama kit from Tesco so I'll probably cook that as well. If he cooks it he won't use any veg or seasoning and will then throw it all in the bin!

I want to go to the summer house this afternoon, sometimes Steve's behaviour makes me reluctant to go there, but one of the the residents is holding a small craft sale so it's Big Girls Knickers on and I'll go and support her.

In a strop.

Steve is always in a strop.

He never goes to the garden, to the summer house or into town but that he arrives home  annoyed and ranting. Someone has said something or done something that has upset him.

It must be exhausting, it certainly is for me.

He used to go to a stroke club to aid his recovery,  he was told many times that his continual complaints were unfair, especially to me. He solved that problem, he stopped attending!

I mostly ignore him, I've tried occasionally to help him with a problem but it doesn't help, he just finds something else to complain about.

He's just gone to the summer house, I pretended to be asleep. I shall chill on the sofa and watch an episode of Endeavour!

Beano is mithering.

Beano is sure something is going on but he's not sure what.

We're going for lunch with my oldest son and his girlfriend, Beano is coming with us.

It will be nice to see them, I don't really know his gf, they've been together a while now but she's very quietly spoken. She makes him happy though and that's what's important.

Having had one truly horrendous mother in law myself, I treat all my kids partners with affection. I doubt very much if any of my kids would take any notice of I did not like their partner but if that was so I'd grit my teeth and be polite.

I am forgiven!

I've been out for lunch, with Betty, fish and chips, yum. Beano was ecstatic at my return especially since I returned with a dog chew.

I also fed Beano, only for Steve to tell me he'd already fed him whilst I was out, he's a greedy little tyke.

I'm wiped out, it doesn't take much!

I'm going to chill on the sofa with Beano beside me, he has forgiven me for going out.

I've also hired  a cleaner, against Steve's specific instructions, she's a nice lass, I've met her a few times. I need to spend this weekend tidying up. That way she can clean properly. She can clean the bits I struggle with, high up and low down. 

I just told Steve about the cleaner, he thinks it's a good idea!!

A rough couple of days.

I've had a couple of days feeling rough, a bit under the weather.

No idea why, possibly stress, Steve is hard work to live with.

I saw my youngest daughter today which was nice, her daughter, my youngest granddaughter is now taller than me. She's not ten yet.

Despite Steve giving Betty detailed instructions about which days she can take me out. (Never on a Friday and only on days that give him enough notice to think of reasons why I can't go) She's booked us in for lunch on Friday!

Walkies!

Beano gets more walks in the summer than in the winter. It's not the weather, we neither of us mind the cold. It's the shortness of the daylight hours.

I'm not prepared to risk life and limb trying to cross a very busy road in the dark. I do have some hi-vis  clothing but to be honest the cars and lorries whizz past at such speed it would be dangerous.

So after dark Beano and I walk around the nearest close, it's a cul de sac so there is very little traffic. There is also a large patch of grass nearby that Beano can sniff around. I'm sure it's the safest way.

It's Mothers day here in the UK today so there have been lots of cars in and out of the car park. I'd already seen two of my children on Friday and my oldest son messaged me to say he is away but will visit soon.

I'm cooking roast chicken with stuffing, roast potatoes, carrots, sprouts and purple sprouting broccoli. Steve won't eat the vegetables but I will enjoy them.

Out for breakfast.

Beano and I went for breakfast today with my oldest daughter and youngest son.

We go for breakfast rather than lunch as my son has just finished a night shift and wants to go home and go to sleep.

I had my first breakfast at 7 a.m. so I was ready for a second one by 11:30. I took Beano with me as we always go to a dog friendly cafe. I shan't eat again today, I'll just drink lots of tea and water.

I wore my dog walking hoodie and put it on the floor for Beano who soon snuggled down and snoozed until the food arrived. I had the small cooked breakfast, it comes with a sausage that I shared with Beano.

The Tesco shop was delivered whilst I was out so Steve put most of it away and left my stuff on the kitchen surface for me to put away.

My daughter gave me a bunch of daffodils which I've put in the same vase as the ones from Waitrose that Betty gave me yesterday.

ITV are showing Endeavour every afternoon, I watch it most days, before this they showed David Jason in  A Touch of Frost and then Morse with John Thaw.

Steve has started going to the summer house most afternoons so I mainly go on Wednesday's for the quiz. My hearing has deteriorated a lot so I find conversation difficult.

Being careful.

We are tenants in common with a 50/50 share. Steve can leave his share to whomever he wishes, as can I but the property cannot be sold until both of us are dead. Neither can anyone move in if Steve dies.

I suppose, in theory that someone could try to bully me into selling up before I wanted to, but these flats are difficult to sell and their price is dropping all the time. I'm not sure it would be worth anyone's effort.

I'm not an easy person to bully, I'm not easily intimidated. Also I could ask my family for help if I really needed to.

As I said, I took legal advice from a solicitor who came highly recommended by a family member.

Highly recommended.

When we purchased this flat I used a highly recommended solicitor. I wasn't well and Steve was in a full on sulk because we'd sold the boat. I had suggested he stay on the boat and I'd move to a flat but this didn't suit. I'm assuming he realised he couldn't manage the boat alone.

The flat is jointly owned, we purchased it as tenants in common, so there can't be any problems. 

I keep putting off talking to Steve about his behaviour, partly because he is never wrong and he gets so hysterical so easily but I  needed to nail him to the floor and find out what's going on. He's definitely a few sandwiches short of a picnic so I have  no idea what the problem is

Ouch, I've got a stiffy

Finger that is, it's my index finger so I look like I'm admonishing someone. It would be worse if it was my middle finger.

Steve's behaviour continues strange, he wants to change his will though I'm not sure in who's favour. I need to find a way to.protect myself. I can afford this flat on my pension as I'm very careful with my money. 

I'm looking forward to Friday when I'm seeing my youngest son and oldest daughter, we're eating out, a Mother's Day treat. I can take Beano with me so Steve will not have a chance to scupper the plans.  Hopefully I'll be contacted by my other son and daughter at around the same time.

Silence.

Today will be a day mainly of silence for me.

Steve will be watching the Grand Prix I will remove my hearing aids and read a book.

I've had a lovely treat this morning, whilst I was washing up I noticed a Jay taking advantage of a bag of peanuts that had fallen from one of the branches.

When I looked out the living room window I spotted a Wren in one of my hanging baskets. I know there are Wrens nearby but this is the first one I've seen close up.

Its not a "me" problem.

It took me a while to realise that's Steve's personality changed dramatically after his stroke.

All the problems he now has, he attributes to me.

Faced with an unending deluge of complaints I tried very hard to make thing easier for him, but nothing worked.

Eventually I realised that nothing I did helped, partly because Steve was enjoying his misery.

I stopped trying to help, unkind, I know but I don't have the temperament to be his whipping boy.

If being unkind and spiteful to me is what gets him through the day, that a "him" problem. It's not a "me" problem.

There is no sun today and it's chilly, not gardening weather, this means Steve is in a sulk.

I've treated myself to a new book and will start to read it.

Cooking for one.

Steve's been hinting that he'd like me to take up the reins and start cooking again every day.

I have started cooking Sunday roast as I lost patience with Steve's attempts. A joint is far too expensive to waste by ignoring the cooking instructions and then sobbing as the meat is still raw at midnight, I like to eat by 6 o'clock at the latest and not at 10:30 at night.

This week I sliced the remains of the beef joint and have frozen it for another Sunday. All the small pieces I turned into a beef stew.

I've ordered a couple of glass dishes with plastic lids, if they are ok I'll order a couple more. Once these arrive the plan is to make cottage pie, my way! When my children were small and money was tight I used to add onion, grated carrots, frozen peas, oats and lentils to stretch a small amount of mince into a large cottage pie. Due to Steve's food issues I stopped adding things to my cottage pie. Hopefully I can now get back to my way of cooking even though I know Steve won't eat it.

Violets.

There are violets growing in profusion in the verges and crevices of the low walls. They are so pretty,  tiny and delicate.

The sight of them cheers me up when I'm out with Beano.

Steve mood is very variable, he got up early for him, 9:30 two days running and seemed quite cheerful. Then he was back to staying in bed until 11:30 and being bad-tempered all day. Has something or someone be upset him or is it just his usual temperament? I shall just plod on, ignoring him as much as possible. 

Economy drive.

Yesterday Steve decided to turn the storage heater in the living room off, it's the only heater in the flat!

He also turned off two of the the hot water cylinders, I had a shower first thing this morning, our shower runs off yet another water heater.

We had a heated but brief discussion when Steve got up this morning and the water cylinders and storage heater were turned back on!

A over T.

Bugger, walking Beano this morning and I managed to trip. I ended up sprawled on the grass. I had great difficulty getting up.

Beano had spotted our neighbour with her dogs on the other side of the road. Beano and I walked across the road so the dogs could say hello. Unfortunately I misjudged the height of the grass verge and ended up sprawled across it.

I had great difficulty getting up. I wasn't hurt but all three dogs seemed to think I was stretched out on the grass as I wanted to play! They were bouncing around me with great enthusiasm.

I eventually regained my balance and stood up, then we had to untangle the three leads, all three dogs were on extending leads.

We eventually managed to untangle the dogs and their leads and  I returned home. All seemed well, I've enough fat covering me plus I was wearing my padded winter coat. I've had a fairly busy day, I went for lunch with Betty at her bowls club, came home, then took Beano out for a walk and then went to the summer house.

When I got home I sat on the sofa and dropped off to sleep, something I do fairly regularly. Unfortunately I fell asleep with my legs curled under me, not a good idea. Oh boy were my knees stiff and painful when I woke up. A quick stretch and wriggle and they have eased. I went to the bedroom to find some painkillers but realised once I'd found them that my knees had stopped hurting.

I really need to be less of a klutz, at 73 you'd think I should have mastered the art of walking!

Filling the freezer.

It's been a difficult week for Steve, he's had to get up by 9:30 every day, instead of 11 o'clock. He's taking his blood pressure repeatedly throughout the day and getting wound up as it keeps getting higher. Today he's gone into town to meet up with his friend in a pub.

I'm making the most of the new fridge freezer, it's so much bigger than the one before.

I got used to managing with a very small inefficient fridge on the boat and when we moved here there was a very old fridge freezer in the kitchen. It was old and also not very efficient. I'm making the most of the new one, I've made a big bowl of salad, enough to last a couple of days and I've just had some of it with a hard boiled egg.

I've checked my cupboards and found a tin each of tuna and one of salmon. I always have eggs and cheese in the fridge and mayo in so salad every day it is.

The supermarket delivery will be here tomorrow so I've ordered some white fish fillets and some chicken for me. Steve will order more of his food I'm sure so the freezer will soon be full.

It's arrived.

Flis, the new fridge freezer has arrived, it's been sat in the kitchen waiting for the gas to settle. It's three hours now so I've turned it on, now I need to wait for it to get cold before I fill it. It's a lot bigger than the old one, which was here when we moved in.

Mudgekin, lovely to see you, sorry you are going through it with your husband's health. It's a hard road to travel as I know only too well.

I was supposed to be meeting my daughter for lunch today but one of her children is unwell so she has had to cancel. I've not seen her for a while, she broke a bone in her foot so couldn't drive.

I went to the summer house to join in with the quiz, I do love a quiz. I know all sorts of useless information but fail dismally on questions about TV programmes as I so rarely watch them.

I am going for lunch on Friday with Betty which will be nice, we are having fish and chips.

Raining this morning.

So although I've taken Beano out for his morning walk it was very brief, he has rushed out, had a few widdles and rushed home.

The rain also means Steve will be in a strop all day, nemmind.

My first job every morning, whilst the waiting for the kettle to boil, is to mop the floor in  front of the fridge. I've known for a while that the fridge/freezer is on its last legs, it was in the flat when we moved here.

I kept meaning to mention it to Steve but often didn't bother as I assumed it would result in him having a strop. However when I did tell Steve he immediately measured the fridge and started the process of ordering one.

The first problem is size, our kitchen is tiny and we can't find a fridge/freezer that will fit in the space the current one takes. If we order one slightly taller, the cupboard above it will be too high for me to reach. I will also have to lose a few inches of the shelf that currently butts up against the side of the fridge.

We finally chose a fridge/freezer and placed the order, it will be here on Wednesday. I need to get the old one emptied, defrosted and wiped over before then.

Oh well, first world problems and all that. Not to worry, I'll manage!

Plodding on.

We've had a few very cold days but warmer weather is due soon, it's been bright and sunny which is nice.

One of the residents was admitted to hospital, she's had a stroke and won't be returning here.

Her flat is on the market for £120,000, Steve is having conniptions as the prices here are dropping. He didn't want to move here, he wanted to stay in the Airbnb that was costing us an arm and a leg!

I'm not sure what he expects, he's one of these people who thinks everything he owns is worth double the market value and then gets aggrieved when his things don't sell.

Morning dog walk.

This morning's walk was very sociable, the sunshine seems to have brought lot's of people out.

I pass some very pretty gardens on this walk, one has little elephants, temples and coloured stones to form a river. I always stop to admire it and this morning the house owner was by their car ready to go shopping. I told him how much I liked his garden, he seemed pleased.

There is someone I see who walks a Bernese Mountain dog, I crossed the road as I could see he was getting close. He called out to me, he thought I was afraid, telling me that his dog was friendly. I explained that I was not afraid but that Beano was not a fan of big dogs and would no doubt start to growl.

I met two other dog walkers with their small dogs, Beano was quite happy to socialise with them.

Lardy cake.

One of our neighbours had a birthday today, to celebrate they arranged to have a very large Lardy Cake made and they shared it around.

It was delicious and not too sticky.

For those who don't know, Lardy Cake is a fruit bread. The local bakers make their Lardy Cake topped with golden syrup, very sticky! This one had a sugared topping that was nice and crunchy.

Before this I went for lunch with Betty and some of her friends. We had chilli and wedges with sour cream and guacamole.

No more food for me today, I'm still full from lunch and cake, I shall relax on the sofa whilst Steve takes his blood pressure repeatedly!

In control!

Steve feels the need to be in control of everything at all times.

This is why he decided I wasn't shopping correctly, he could do it better and more cheaply. He is currently struggling to get our food bill below £250 a week.

He feels that doing the washing once a month should be sufficient, I wash once or twice a week, sometimes more.

He would also like to control how often I leave site and who with!

Although he claims he is worried about me, he never worries about me walking Beano even after dark and he refuses to see me across the road if the sun is low and it's difficult for me to see.

Steve's latest decision is about my choice of refreshment. I drink tea and coffee in the morning but then swap to tap water, but when I go to the summer house in the afternoon, I like to take a mug of herbal tea. Steve has decided this isn't safe and I'm to go over with an empty mug and a tea bag and get someone to boil the kettle and pour got water in my mug. I make tea and coffee in the flat so why I'm not trusted to carry a mug of herbal tea to the summer house in not sure. 

I don't follow his rules but he does get quite upset as he feels he's spent a lot of time deciding the best way for me to do things only for me to ignore his advice.

Time slip

It's some years now since Steve had his stroke, in some ways he has recovered but in other ways, not.

When he first came round he was was confused obviously but gradually improved.

For me, one of the most heartbreaking aspects was Steve's conviction that he was still in his 30's and he could not understand why he had such an elderly wife.

His lack of understanding did improve but he still remains horrified at having such an elderly wife. I'm now 73 and he is 69, we had such a happy !marriage but that's all gone now.

Oh what joy!

Today Steve has watched the rugby and checked his blood pressure repeatedly.

He is doing my head in!

He gets very excited watching the rugby and keeps shouting, he also would like me to watch it with him so he can tell me all about it.

Instead of this, I've read a book on my kindle and browsed an assortment of websites.

I did manage to spend some time in the summer house and have a chat which was nice.

Please stop shouting.

Steve is trying to take his blood pressure, he has the machine talking to him at full volume.

Steve is shouting at the machine also at full volume.

I'm watching Inspector Morse silently, I'm reading the subtitles.

Every so often Steve gets obsessed with his blood pressure, he measures it countless times a day.

He has been told many of times that taking his blood pressure repeatedly is unwise and that he should take it just once a day.

This is all to no avail and the more often he takes it the higher it goes and the more Steve shouts!

I don't want to become a shufflie

Beano keeps me moving, he needs his walks, three a day during the winter when it gets dark early, four or more when the days are longer.

I won't walk around the streets is the dark, I'm sure it's perfectly safe but I can't see well in the dark and I worry about tripping over an unseen bump or dip.

I see my neighbours on site and many of them shuffle, even some of the younger ones. There are an assortment of reasons for this but I want to avoid for as long as possible.

The weather here is warming up gradually which is good as it's half term here this week.

Sod's law.

I keep a blanket on my sofa, I feel the cold more than Steve, so he wears a tee shirt and rather than have the heating up high I snuggle up under a blanket.

I have a few blankets of various sizes but only two really large thick ones. Yesterday I washed the cream blanket that had been on the sofa for a while and I asked Steve to get the red blanket down from the top of the wardrobe.

Steve did this and this morning I washed the cream blanket, it's currently hanging over the airer near the storage heater. When I go to bed I'll move the airer nearer the dehumidifier, hopefully it will be dry by the morning.

Part way through the afternoon I realised Beano was on the red blanket and was being sick. He often does this and doesn't bring up very much so it doesn't seem to be anything serious.

It does mean, however that I now need to wash the red blanket in the morning, it's already in the washing machine after having a little bit of dog vomit rinsed off it.

So I now only have one of the thinner, small blankets on the sofa if I get cold.

Dog treats.

 I try to buy healthy treats for Beano as I'm concerned about the amount of crap and sugar in some types.

He has nearly finished his bag of  air dried chicken feet so I've just bought him some mixed treats.

He has never played with toys despite being provided with a selection but he does play with his treats. 

He has to ensure they are properly dead before he decides to chew on them. This involves throwing them around and pouncing on them..

It gives him some entertainment as well as a treat.

I love Sunday's

Today I met with a neighbour for a chinwag, this has to be done secretly. 

If Steve thinks I've made a friend he will insist on joining me and will eventually start an argument with them.

We meet most Sunday's during one of Beano's dog walks, it is a ridiculous way to carry on but I'm really not prepared to inflict Steve's behaviour on other people.

UPF's and MRM.

I don't have to hide my treats from Steve, there is no way Steve would eat any of my food, it's all far too healthy!'

I'm pretty careful about what I eat, I eat vegetables, fruit, pulses and some meat.

I like my food to be recognisable so I don't eat things that are covered in breadcrumbs or other toppings, I think they can be used to cover a multitude of sins.

I read a lot of blogs and websites and I'm frequently amazed by people who think their diet is healthy. I would never claim to have a healthy diet, especially since the idea of what is healthy changes regularly.

Steve is convinced that by buying frozen food and heating it in the air fryer that it hasn't been fried, when it quite obviously has. I do avoid ultra processed food and items made from mechanically recovered meat.

I'm not being sanctimonious,  I don't lecture Steve or anybody else on what they should eat. I'm also far from perfect as I love chocolate biscuits.

Lots of treats.

Betty messaged me this morning, she was feeling better and wondered if I'd like to go for Waitrose. I jumped at the chance!

I didn't need anything specific but I bought myself some treats.

From the Deli counter I bought some anchovies and some artichoke hearts. I bought some blue cheese and a bag of pretzels, I also bought some nut bars. I'm now set up for a few days with some yummy treats.

Bugger

Last week I went to lunch club and when this week's lunch was arranged I offered to cook the main course.

I spent this morning preparing and cooking for tomorrow lunchtime. Chicken casserole, carrot and swede mash and broccoli. I was going to do roast potatoes with the meal as well.

When I went to the summer house I discovered that tomorrow's lunch club has been cancelled. Unfortunately no one thought to tell me!

I've bagged up the food and put it in the freezer, I'll reheat it next time there is a get together.

Steve is very torn, on the one hand he's delighted that I went to all the trouble of making a meal and no one let me know it has been cancelled. On the other hand he's annoyed that I spent money on food that hasn't been eaten.

Sleep deprived.

I slept badly Wednesday night, no particular reason why, but I was still reading at 3:30. I was awake and dressed by 8 a.m. as Beano needed walking. Consequently I did very little y'day. Steve asked me what was wrong and I explained that I was tired as I'd slept badly. Steve assured me that I'd slept fine, as he'd been awake all night!

He spent most of Thursday questioning me on why I wasn't full of beans. As i'd already said I was short on sleep there was no point in repeating myself.

In the afternoon I decided not to go to the summer house and once Steve has gone over I had a snooze on the sofa for an hour. I slept much  better last night and this morning I'm feeling fine.

Steve is very competitive with regards to illness and I rare!y mention if I feel under the weather. He will get quite stroppy if he thinks I'm unwell as that prerogative is his and his alone.

Tesco delivery this morning with all the accompanying pacing and wittering from Steve. When the shopping arrived There were two surprises. Firstly there was no beer, Steve has accidentally deleted it from the order. Secondly the shopping bill was only £70 instead of the usual £200-£250. I have no idea what's come over Steve but he is obviously trying to save money.  

What a lovely day.

I went for breakfast with my son and daughter, I had a croissant with Brie and Bacon and had a lovely time, Beano came with me and sat under the table quietly. 

I showed my kids the book with my last wishes in and explained a few things. I don't want a funeral, I'm going to arrange my own cremation and I don't want anyone to attend.

We had an interesting discussion and I think everything was agreed upon.

I returned home and then went to the the summer house for lunch, beef casserole with roast potatoes. I've volunteered to cook a chicken cobbler next week and Barbara will make a crumble.

We had a quiz in the summer house and I only got one question wrong, so I was pleased. I came home and watched Frost. I didn't want anything else to eat. I try not to eat after 5 p.m. 

Beano is snoozing on the sofa beside me and I'm watching YouTube.

All in all a lovely day.

Use it up curry.

I recently purchased a new slow cooker, my old one, that I'd bought second hand, had finally given up the ghost.

Steve doesn't like meat cooked in the slow cooker, he likes his meat hard and chewy. I prefer mine edible, I also add a lot of vegetables to anything I cook.

Today I'm making a 'use it up chicken curry' I used some left over cooked cabbage, an onion, parsnip and carrot from a reduced to clear stew pack that Betty gave me. I've used two diced chicken breasts and lots of garam masala along with other spices. I've only added a small amount of water as I don't want it too sloppy.

It's nothing like a traditional curry but it will be full of flavour,and should do me four meals.

Another one gone.

We were told today that our site manager is leaving, another one bites the dust!

He was only covering temporarily as the management company were unable to recruit a site manager for here.

No doubt we will be without a site manager here for months yet again. I'm not concerned about the lack of manager but I'm not happy that we continue to pay for a service that we don't receive.

Exhausted, not me, Steve!

Exhausted by his attempts at hiding in the car park and trying to think of lies to tell me where he's been. Steve has announced that he is now meeting his friend Bob every week instead of just occasionally.

A quick peek at FB shows that Bob is currently away racing!

The up side was that Steve insisted I went to the summer house to join in with a fish supper. There were only five of us there but it was very nice. I didn't stay long as I'd left Beano with Steve and Beano gets shouted at a lot. Beano doesn't seem to take a lot of notice, it scared him when we first got him, but he's used to it now.

I timed my return perfectly as Steve was just getting his coat on, he'd obviously decided I'd had enough fun for one day.

Good deed for the day.

I did my good deed for the day this morning when I took Beano out for his first walk.

A lot of my neighbours tend to shuffle when the they walk as they can't lift their feet. So as I walked along the path that leads of site I picked up the twigs and branches littering the path. There was one branch that was about ten feet long that I couldn't carry out of the way, so I shoved it behind two of the lighting pillars so at least the path is safe to walk on.

No improvement.

Things here are still difficult though I have to admit to some amusement. Some time ago Steve instigated a new rule, anyone going out had to fill in details on the white board.

It's stupid but I don't care, I only go out if one of my family takes me out or if I go out with Betty. Steve on the other hand goes into town to the pub once a week, out with Harry our neighbour once or twice a week, out with his friend Bob once a week. But he's suddenly started to go out one extra day a week and he wants to keep it a secret. He has failed to keep this a secret as we live in a very small flat and I notice if he's not home. He has tried to sneak out when I'm out with Beano but because it takes him so long to organise himself I'm usually in the car park coming home when he's leaving. Heaven knows what the neighbours think when they see him trying to hide between two cars in the car park.

Today is not good.

Steve is nearly delirious with excitement because Trump is back in the White House. I fail to understand why he is so excited. I really don't think Donald is going to be knocking on our door looking for Steve.

I've exerted myself and after making the Sunday roast, I made a casserole with the left over beef, that's my cooking done for this week. I used to actually enjoy cooking but not now, not for Steve as his food issues make catering for him a nightmare.

I went to the summer house this afternoon but Beano couldn't settle so I left after a few minutes.

Sunday

I cooked roast beef today. A few weeks ago I got so fed up of Steve ruining every joint he bought that I started cooking the roast on Sunday's. Steve refused to follow the cooking instructions on the joint so lunch sometimes wasn't ready until 8:30 in the evening. He also ended up in tears most Sunday's.

Today he complained as he wanted a sprout with his meal and I forgot, I also cut the the carrot into the wrong shape.

I don't think I'll bother to cook next week, I'll suggest he heat up some of his party food.

I enjoyed the meal but it's a waste cooking a full roast dinner just for me.

It also means I can't go to the summer house on Sunday's if I'm in the kitchen cooking.

I've also changed my hairstyle, for years I've worn my hair pinned up at the back with a claw clip. My hair is now to long so I'm wearing it in a plait over my shoulder.

Deaf and Grumpy.

That's me and Beano, I'm deaf and I forgot to charge my hearing aids last night. 

Beano is grumpy and I've started to notice how many dog owners cross the road to avoid us!  He is ok with small dogs but not big ones.

Y'day I cooked some mince that was in the freezer, I made Bolognese sauce and some small cottage pies for the freezer. I shall have spaghetti Bolognese tonight. Steve won't eat it as there is onions and tomatoes in it.

Walking the streets.

As I walk Beano three or four times a day I spent a lot of time walking the streets. 

I only walk in daylight, I'm not afraid of walking after dark as I live in a residential area. I am, however afraid of tripping over in the dark and having an accident.

I often see the same people on my walks, I tend to smile and say hello. I see people with dogs, I see people jogging, some are going shopping. I've also noticed lads on bikes, I tend to shorten Beano's lead if a cyclist approaches as Beano can be snappy if bikes get too near. I've always smiled at people regardless of age or gender.

As I said I've noticed lads on bikes and not thought anything of it. Last week I was walking along an alley and there was a couple, similar age to me, walking in the same direction. We all said hello  as we walked along. Suddenly one of the lads appeared on his bike, I smiled and carried on walking. The couple stopped and I assumed they knew the lad. As I turned onto the main road I noticed a bit of furtive fumbling behind me and the couple turned and walked back the way they'd come. I then realised that the lads on bikes are gofers for the local drug dealers. Obviously I was a bit thick not to have realised earlier but it didn't occur to me. I'm a bit naive where drugs are concerned.

So cold.

I haven't been able to get warm all day, the only heating we use in the flat is the very old storage heater in the living room. It's very big but inefficient and ugly.

We neither of us like heat in the bedroom and the only other heater is a huge electric radiator in the bathroom. It is a big radiator in a tiny bathroom so Steve turns it on for an hour or two before he showers. I don't use it as I mainly shower when I get up so I don't want to wait for the radiator to warm up.

My daughter showed me this, I thought it was very funny.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WmAD8Mo5mLc

Lunch club.

As  said before I used to go to lunch club here, I stopped because Steve started shouting at those involved. He had tried to persuade me not to continue but I ignored him. So he started shouting at the other members.

This last couple of weeks he's been trying to persuade me to rejoin. I knew he must be planning something but I'd no idea what. I spoke to Betty who said I'd be very welcome to return and y'day I did. We had liver casserole with mashed potato and a fruit crumble with custard.

After we'd had lunch and chatted for a while then we all returned to our flats at about 2 o'clock. I took Beano out and when I returned I sat on the sofa and started to read my kindle, very shortly I fell asleep. I woke up some time later as Steve was putting Beano's lead on and slamming the door.

Somewhat confused I wondered where Steve had gone as he never takes Beano out. Within minutes he was back and started shouting. It was by now about 4:30 and it seems he'd not noticed me asleep on the sofa and thought I'd gone to lunch club without Beano. 

He'd stormed into the summer house with Beano only to discover wasn't there, Betty and Harry hadn't returned to the summer house after lunch, they too had fallen asleep so no one knew where I was.

Steve rushed back to the flat with a very confused Beano to find me sitting on the sofa! Steve returned yet again to the summer house and Beano wanted to go too. I went to the summer house by which time Bill and Barbara were also the there. A couple of people asked me where I'd been, I explained I'd been asleep on the sofa and that Steve hadn't noticed me.

Catch up.

I didn't go to the Drs about my gout, I have done before. I was given the diagnosis, told it was self limiting and the pain shouldn't last longer than six weeks and told to get on with it.

When Steve went with gout he was given tablets to help with the symptoms and co-codamol for the pain. We both saw the same  Dr though two years apart so I don't bother to go now.  Our surgery is now only open on three half days a fortnight so there is little chance of an appointment. There is also no longer a direct bus route, so it means traveling into town and back out again.

My smellies were both gifts I don't buy myself things like that, I do however spend money on books for my kindle. I don't really watch tv so books and Beano are my main pleasures in life. 

I'm going to lunch club tomorrow, I stopped going because Steve was kicking off and started to shout at the people involved. I shall go back as long as he doesn't also return. He doesn't like the food, the only reason he goes is to check up on me.

Tuesday's.

Tuesday is the day Steve marks on the white board that he is going out.  He goes to a pub in town and has an "all day breakfast" . This gives me a day free of ear bashings when I do whatever I like. This is usually housework and crochet I do like to live dangerously!

Steve's also due to go out on Friday, if he goes out both days it will be lovely but I'm not going to get my hopes up.

I'm going back to lunch club tomorrow, I'm not sure how long for, it will depend on Steve's reaction and behaviour. The meal tomorrow is liver and veg with mashed potatoes.

I'm firing up my slow cooker today to make a chicken and vegetable curry as I have a lot of root vegetables to use up.

Beano's new bed.

 

Beano love his new bed, one side is fluffy and warm, the other side is shiny and cool. Beano is currently enjoying the warm fluffy side.

Christmas dinner repeated.

Last time Steve went into town to the pub he also went to Iceland and came home with a boned turkey breast. So today I'm doing a repeat of Christmas dinner. 

We are having turkey, ham, pigs in blankets, stuffing, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, Brussels, cabbage, broccoli and cauliflower cheese.

The veg are all for me, Steve will eat one sprout and some roast potatoes.

I'm not doing pudding, Steve doesn't like them and I will be too full of veggies to care.

I will turn any leftover veggies into bubble and squeak for tomorrow.

Achievement

For the first time ever I have hand wash and hand cream that both smell the same, two sets.

One is  crushed lime and basil the other is lavender. For me this is a great achievement!

If i was a man!

Thank you for all the good wishes, I'm very touched.

My big toe is causing me problems,  it's hot, red, swollen and stiff. If I was a man I'd tuck it into my underpants so the ladies would think I was pleased to see them! 

The problem is gout, which is so funny as I don't drink. But gout is just a type of arthritis and not dependent on alcohol intake.

My toe has been painful to a few days now but when Betty offered to take me out I jumped at the chance. Betty can't walk fast so I knew I wouldn't be slowing her down. We went to Waitrose to get Betty's favourite eggs, the extra large double yolkers, then we went to Asda to get the rest of the shopping. I bought a seeded sourdough loaf, it's delicious, I also bought some pickled herring and some anchovies. Betty also wanted to go to Iceland. But most of their freezers were very low on stock so she didn't buy anything. We stopped in the Asda cafe and had a baked potato with cheese and beans. It was very noisy in the cafe, lots of children. So when the girl on the till asked what I wanted I just said "the same" as Betty has just ordered. This meant I didn't know what I was having until it was put in front of me.

It was cheap, hot and tasty and the staff are friendly and helpful.