Hanging on by a thread.

To my sanity that is. I have a twitch in my left eye, a sure sign in stressed.

Steve won't wear his hearing aids in the flat as he thinks "I just need to speak up". If I speak up any more the entire estate will hear me. Three times today I told him I'd already fed Beano but he fed him again anyway.

One of the residents has sanded down a garden bench and re-varnished it. He's done a good job and it looks great.

Not to be outdone another resident tried to persuade Steve to do the other bench with him. Having been blamed before for a job poorly done, by this neighbour, Steve refused. Said resident set to, lost interest after a very short time. We now have a bench in the garden that looks like it has leprosy. This is also causing Steve a great deal of stress.

Big girls knickers on.

I'm having a bit of a cook-a-thon today, I really need to improve my eating habits but it's an uphill struggle. I've cooked some salad potatoes, some boiled eggs and some chicken. I've started a vegetable soup too to use up the fridge drawer debris.

Steve bought a Wagamama kit from Tesco so I'll probably cook that as well. If he cooks it he won't use any veg or seasoning and will then throw it all in the bin!

I want to go to the summer house this afternoon, sometimes Steve's behaviour makes me reluctant to go there, but one of the the residents is holding a small craft sale so it's Big Girls Knickers on and I'll go and support her.

In a strop.

Steve is always in a strop.

He never goes to the garden, to the summer house or into town but that he arrives home  annoyed and ranting. Someone has said something or done something that has upset him.

It must be exhausting, it certainly is for me.

He used to go to a stroke club to aid his recovery,  he was told many times that his continual complaints were unfair, especially to me. He solved that problem, he stopped attending!

I mostly ignore him, I've tried occasionally to help him with a problem but it doesn't help, he just finds something else to complain about.

He's just gone to the summer house, I pretended to be asleep. I shall chill on the sofa and watch an episode of Endeavour!

Beano is mithering.

Beano is sure something is going on but he's not sure what.

We're going for lunch with my oldest son and his girlfriend, Beano is coming with us.

It will be nice to see them, I don't really know his gf, they've been together a while now but she's very quietly spoken. She makes him happy though and that's what's important.

Having had one truly horrendous mother in law myself, I treat all my kids partners with affection. I doubt very much if any of my kids would take any notice of I did not like their partner but if that was so I'd grit my teeth and be polite.

I am forgiven!

I've been out for lunch, with Betty, fish and chips, yum. Beano was ecstatic at my return especially since I returned with a dog chew.

I also fed Beano, only for Steve to tell me he'd already fed him whilst I was out, he's a greedy little tyke.

I'm wiped out, it doesn't take much!

I'm going to chill on the sofa with Beano beside me, he has forgiven me for going out.

I've also hired  a cleaner, against Steve's specific instructions, she's a nice lass, I've met her a few times. I need to spend this weekend tidying up. That way she can clean properly. She can clean the bits I struggle with, high up and low down. 

I just told Steve about the cleaner, he thinks it's a good idea!!

A rough couple of days.

I've had a couple of days feeling rough, a bit under the weather.

No idea why, possibly stress, Steve is hard work to live with.

I saw my youngest daughter today which was nice, her daughter, my youngest granddaughter is now taller than me. She's not ten yet.

Despite Steve giving Betty detailed instructions about which days she can take me out. (Never on a Friday and only on days that give him enough notice to think of reasons why I can't go) She's booked us in for lunch on Friday!

Walkies!

Beano gets more walks in the summer than in the winter. It's not the weather, we neither of us mind the cold. It's the shortness of the daylight hours.

I'm not prepared to risk life and limb trying to cross a very busy road in the dark. I do have some hi-vis  clothing but to be honest the cars and lorries whizz past at such speed it would be dangerous.

So after dark Beano and I walk around the nearest close, it's a cul de sac so there is very little traffic. There is also a large patch of grass nearby that Beano can sniff around. I'm sure it's the safest way.

It's Mothers day here in the UK today so there have been lots of cars in and out of the car park. I'd already seen two of my children on Friday and my oldest son messaged me to say he is away but will visit soon.

I'm cooking roast chicken with stuffing, roast potatoes, carrots, sprouts and purple sprouting broccoli. Steve won't eat the vegetables but I will enjoy them.

Out for breakfast.

Beano and I went for breakfast today with my oldest daughter and youngest son.

We go for breakfast rather than lunch as my son has just finished a night shift and wants to go home and go to sleep.

I had my first breakfast at 7 a.m. so I was ready for a second one by 11:30. I took Beano with me as we always go to a dog friendly cafe. I shan't eat again today, I'll just drink lots of tea and water.

I wore my dog walking hoodie and put it on the floor for Beano who soon snuggled down and snoozed until the food arrived. I had the small cooked breakfast, it comes with a sausage that I shared with Beano.

The Tesco shop was delivered whilst I was out so Steve put most of it away and left my stuff on the kitchen surface for me to put away.

My daughter gave me a bunch of daffodils which I've put in the same vase as the ones from Waitrose that Betty gave me yesterday.

ITV are showing Endeavour every afternoon, I watch it most days, before this they showed David Jason in  A Touch of Frost and then Morse with John Thaw.

Steve has started going to the summer house most afternoons so I mainly go on Wednesday's for the quiz. My hearing has deteriorated a lot so I find conversation difficult.

Being careful.

We are tenants in common with a 50/50 share. Steve can leave his share to whomever he wishes, as can I but the property cannot be sold until both of us are dead. Neither can anyone move in if Steve dies.

I suppose, in theory that someone could try to bully me into selling up before I wanted to, but these flats are difficult to sell and their price is dropping all the time. I'm not sure it would be worth anyone's effort.

I'm not an easy person to bully, I'm not easily intimidated. Also I could ask my family for help if I really needed to.

As I said, I took legal advice from a solicitor who came highly recommended by a family member.

Highly recommended.

When we purchased this flat I used a highly recommended solicitor. I wasn't well and Steve was in a full on sulk because we'd sold the boat. I had suggested he stay on the boat and I'd move to a flat but this didn't suit. I'm assuming he realised he couldn't manage the boat alone.

The flat is jointly owned, we purchased it as tenants in common, so there can't be any problems. 

I keep putting off talking to Steve about his behaviour, partly because he is never wrong and he gets so hysterical so easily but I  needed to nail him to the floor and find out what's going on. He's definitely a few sandwiches short of a picnic so I have  no idea what the problem is

Ouch, I've got a stiffy

Finger that is, it's my index finger so I look like I'm admonishing someone. It would be worse if it was my middle finger.

Steve's behaviour continues strange, he wants to change his will though I'm not sure in who's favour. I need to find a way to.protect myself. I can afford this flat on my pension as I'm very careful with my money. 

I'm looking forward to Friday when I'm seeing my youngest son and oldest daughter, we're eating out, a Mother's Day treat. I can take Beano with me so Steve will not have a chance to scupper the plans.  Hopefully I'll be contacted by my other son and daughter at around the same time.

Silence.

Today will be a day mainly of silence for me.

Steve will be watching the Grand Prix I will remove my hearing aids and read a book.

I've had a lovely treat this morning, whilst I was washing up I noticed a Jay taking advantage of a bag of peanuts that had fallen from one of the branches.

When I looked out the living room window I spotted a Wren in one of my hanging baskets. I know there are Wrens nearby but this is the first one I've seen close up.

Its not a "me" problem.

It took me a while to realise that's Steve's personality changed dramatically after his stroke.

All the problems he now has, he attributes to me.

Faced with an unending deluge of complaints I tried very hard to make thing easier for him, but nothing worked.

Eventually I realised that nothing I did helped, partly because Steve was enjoying his misery.

I stopped trying to help, unkind, I know but I don't have the temperament to be his whipping boy.

If being unkind and spiteful to me is what gets him through the day, that a "him" problem. It's not a "me" problem.

There is no sun today and it's chilly, not gardening weather, this means Steve is in a sulk.

I've treated myself to a new book and will start to read it.

Cooking for one.

Steve's been hinting that he'd like me to take up the reins and start cooking again every day.

I have started cooking Sunday roast as I lost patience with Steve's attempts. A joint is far too expensive to waste by ignoring the cooking instructions and then sobbing as the meat is still raw at midnight, I like to eat by 6 o'clock at the latest and not at 10:30 at night.

This week I sliced the remains of the beef joint and have frozen it for another Sunday. All the small pieces I turned into a beef stew.

I've ordered a couple of glass dishes with plastic lids, if they are ok I'll order a couple more. Once these arrive the plan is to make cottage pie, my way! When my children were small and money was tight I used to add onion, grated carrots, frozen peas, oats and lentils to stretch a small amount of mince into a large cottage pie. Due to Steve's food issues I stopped adding things to my cottage pie. Hopefully I can now get back to my way of cooking even though I know Steve won't eat it.

Violets.

There are violets growing in profusion in the verges and crevices of the low walls. They are so pretty,  tiny and delicate.

The sight of them cheers me up when I'm out with Beano.

Steve mood is very variable, he got up early for him, 9:30 two days running and seemed quite cheerful. Then he was back to staying in bed until 11:30 and being bad-tempered all day. Has something or someone be upset him or is it just his usual temperament? I shall just plod on, ignoring him as much as possible. 

Economy drive.

Yesterday Steve decided to turn the storage heater in the living room off, it's the only heater in the flat!

He also turned off two of the the hot water cylinders, I had a shower first thing this morning, our shower runs off yet another water heater.

We had a heated but brief discussion when Steve got up this morning and the water cylinders and storage heater were turned back on!

A over T.

Bugger, walking Beano this morning and I managed to trip. I ended up sprawled on the grass. I had great difficulty getting up.

Beano had spotted our neighbour with her dogs on the other side of the road. Beano and I walked across the road so the dogs could say hello. Unfortunately I misjudged the height of the grass verge and ended up sprawled across it.

I had great difficulty getting up. I wasn't hurt but all three dogs seemed to think I was stretched out on the grass as I wanted to play! They were bouncing around me with great enthusiasm.

I eventually regained my balance and stood up, then we had to untangle the three leads, all three dogs were on extending leads.

We eventually managed to untangle the dogs and their leads and  I returned home. All seemed well, I've enough fat covering me plus I was wearing my padded winter coat. I've had a fairly busy day, I went for lunch with Betty at her bowls club, came home, then took Beano out for a walk and then went to the summer house.

When I got home I sat on the sofa and dropped off to sleep, something I do fairly regularly. Unfortunately I fell asleep with my legs curled under me, not a good idea. Oh boy were my knees stiff and painful when I woke up. A quick stretch and wriggle and they have eased. I went to the bedroom to find some painkillers but realised once I'd found them that my knees had stopped hurting.

I really need to be less of a klutz, at 73 you'd think I should have mastered the art of walking!

Filling the freezer.

It's been a difficult week for Steve, he's had to get up by 9:30 every day, instead of 11 o'clock. He's taking his blood pressure repeatedly throughout the day and getting wound up as it keeps getting higher. Today he's gone into town to meet up with his friend in a pub.

I'm making the most of the new fridge freezer, it's so much bigger than the one before.

I got used to managing with a very small inefficient fridge on the boat and when we moved here there was a very old fridge freezer in the kitchen. It was old and also not very efficient. I'm making the most of the new one, I've made a big bowl of salad, enough to last a couple of days and I've just had some of it with a hard boiled egg.

I've checked my cupboards and found a tin each of tuna and one of salmon. I always have eggs and cheese in the fridge and mayo in so salad every day it is.

The supermarket delivery will be here tomorrow so I've ordered some white fish fillets and some chicken for me. Steve will order more of his food I'm sure so the freezer will soon be full.

It's arrived.

Flis, the new fridge freezer has arrived, it's been sat in the kitchen waiting for the gas to settle. It's three hours now so I've turned it on, now I need to wait for it to get cold before I fill it. It's a lot bigger than the old one, which was here when we moved in.

Mudgekin, lovely to see you, sorry you are going through it with your husband's health. It's a hard road to travel as I know only too well.

I was supposed to be meeting my daughter for lunch today but one of her children is unwell so she has had to cancel. I've not seen her for a while, she broke a bone in her foot so couldn't drive.

I went to the summer house to join in with the quiz, I do love a quiz. I know all sorts of useless information but fail dismally on questions about TV programmes as I so rarely watch them.

I am going for lunch on Friday with Betty which will be nice, we are having fish and chips.

Raining this morning.

So although I've taken Beano out for his morning walk it was very brief, he has rushed out, had a few widdles and rushed home.

The rain also means Steve will be in a strop all day, nemmind.

My first job every morning, whilst the waiting for the kettle to boil, is to mop the floor in  front of the fridge. I've known for a while that the fridge/freezer is on its last legs, it was in the flat when we moved here.

I kept meaning to mention it to Steve but often didn't bother as I assumed it would result in him having a strop. However when I did tell Steve he immediately measured the fridge and started the process of ordering one.

The first problem is size, our kitchen is tiny and we can't find a fridge/freezer that will fit in the space the current one takes. If we order one slightly taller, the cupboard above it will be too high for me to reach. I will also have to lose a few inches of the shelf that currently butts up against the side of the fridge.

We finally chose a fridge/freezer and placed the order, it will be here on Wednesday. I need to get the old one emptied, defrosted and wiped over before then.

Oh well, first world problems and all that. Not to worry, I'll manage!

Plodding on.

We've had a few very cold days but warmer weather is due soon, it's been bright and sunny which is nice.

One of the residents was admitted to hospital, she's had a stroke and won't be returning here.

Her flat is on the market for £120,000, Steve is having conniptions as the prices here are dropping. He didn't want to move here, he wanted to stay in the Airbnb that was costing us an arm and a leg!

I'm not sure what he expects, he's one of these people who thinks everything he owns is worth double the market value and then gets aggrieved when his things don't sell.

Morning dog walk.

This morning's walk was very sociable, the sunshine seems to have brought lot's of people out.

I pass some very pretty gardens on this walk, one has little elephants, temples and coloured stones to form a river. I always stop to admire it and this morning the house owner was by their car ready to go shopping. I told him how much I liked his garden, he seemed pleased.

There is someone I see who walks a Bernese Mountain dog, I crossed the road as I could see he was getting close. He called out to me, he thought I was afraid, telling me that his dog was friendly. I explained that I was not afraid but that Beano was not a fan of big dogs and would no doubt start to growl.

I met two other dog walkers with their small dogs, Beano was quite happy to socialise with them.

Lardy cake.

One of our neighbours had a birthday today, to celebrate they arranged to have a very large Lardy Cake made and they shared it around.

It was delicious and not too sticky.

For those who don't know, Lardy Cake is a fruit bread. The local bakers make their Lardy Cake topped with golden syrup, very sticky! This one had a sugared topping that was nice and crunchy.

Before this I went for lunch with Betty and some of her friends. We had chilli and wedges with sour cream and guacamole.

No more food for me today, I'm still full from lunch and cake, I shall relax on the sofa whilst Steve takes his blood pressure repeatedly!

In control!

Steve feels the need to be in control of everything at all times.

This is why he decided I wasn't shopping correctly, he could do it better and more cheaply. He is currently struggling to get our food bill below £250 a week.

He feels that doing the washing once a month should be sufficient, I wash once or twice a week, sometimes more.

He would also like to control how often I leave site and who with!

Although he claims he is worried about me, he never worries about me walking Beano even after dark and he refuses to see me across the road if the sun is low and it's difficult for me to see.

Steve's latest decision is about my choice of refreshment. I drink tea and coffee in the morning but then swap to tap water, but when I go to the summer house in the afternoon, I like to take a mug of herbal tea. Steve has decided this isn't safe and I'm to go over with an empty mug and a tea bag and get someone to boil the kettle and pour got water in my mug. I make tea and coffee in the flat so why I'm not trusted to carry a mug of herbal tea to the summer house in not sure. 

I don't follow his rules but he does get quite upset as he feels he's spent a lot of time deciding the best way for me to do things only for me to ignore his advice.

Time slip

It's some years now since Steve had his stroke, in some ways he has recovered but in other ways, not.

When he first came round he was was confused obviously but gradually improved.

For me, one of the most heartbreaking aspects was Steve's conviction that he was still in his 30's and he could not understand why he had such an elderly wife.

His lack of understanding did improve but he still remains horrified at having such an elderly wife. I'm now 73 and he is 69, we had such a happy !marriage but that's all gone now.

Oh what joy!

Today Steve has watched the rugby and checked his blood pressure repeatedly.

He is doing my head in!

He gets very excited watching the rugby and keeps shouting, he also would like me to watch it with him so he can tell me all about it.

Instead of this, I've read a book on my kindle and browsed an assortment of websites.

I did manage to spend some time in the summer house and have a chat which was nice.

Please stop shouting.

Steve is trying to take his blood pressure, he has the machine talking to him at full volume.

Steve is shouting at the machine also at full volume.

I'm watching Inspector Morse silently, I'm reading the subtitles.

Every so often Steve gets obsessed with his blood pressure, he measures it countless times a day.

He has been told many of times that taking his blood pressure repeatedly is unwise and that he should take it just once a day.

This is all to no avail and the more often he takes it the higher it goes and the more Steve shouts!

I don't want to become a shufflie

Beano keeps me moving, he needs his walks, three a day during the winter when it gets dark early, four or more when the days are longer.

I won't walk around the streets is the dark, I'm sure it's perfectly safe but I can't see well in the dark and I worry about tripping over an unseen bump or dip.

I see my neighbours on site and many of them shuffle, even some of the younger ones. There are an assortment of reasons for this but I want to avoid for as long as possible.

The weather here is warming up gradually which is good as it's half term here this week.

Sod's law.

I keep a blanket on my sofa, I feel the cold more than Steve, so he wears a tee shirt and rather than have the heating up high I snuggle up under a blanket.

I have a few blankets of various sizes but only two really large thick ones. Yesterday I washed the cream blanket that had been on the sofa for a while and I asked Steve to get the red blanket down from the top of the wardrobe.

Steve did this and this morning I washed the cream blanket, it's currently hanging over the airer near the storage heater. When I go to bed I'll move the airer nearer the dehumidifier, hopefully it will be dry by the morning.

Part way through the afternoon I realised Beano was on the red blanket and was being sick. He often does this and doesn't bring up very much so it doesn't seem to be anything serious.

It does mean, however that I now need to wash the red blanket in the morning, it's already in the washing machine after having a little bit of dog vomit rinsed off it.

So I now only have one of the thinner, small blankets on the sofa if I get cold.

Dog treats.

 I try to buy healthy treats for Beano as I'm concerned about the amount of crap and sugar in some types.

He has nearly finished his bag of  air dried chicken feet so I've just bought him some mixed treats.

He has never played with toys despite being provided with a selection but he does play with his treats. 

He has to ensure they are properly dead before he decides to chew on them. This involves throwing them around and pouncing on them..

It gives him some entertainment as well as a treat.

I love Sunday's

Today I met with a neighbour for a chinwag, this has to be done secretly. 

If Steve thinks I've made a friend he will insist on joining me and will eventually start an argument with them.

We meet most Sunday's during one of Beano's dog walks, it is a ridiculous way to carry on but I'm really not prepared to inflict Steve's behaviour on other people.

UPF's and MRM.

I don't have to hide my treats from Steve, there is no way Steve would eat any of my food, it's all far too healthy!'

I'm pretty careful about what I eat, I eat vegetables, fruit, pulses and some meat.

I like my food to be recognisable so I don't eat things that are covered in breadcrumbs or other toppings, I think they can be used to cover a multitude of sins.

I read a lot of blogs and websites and I'm frequently amazed by people who think their diet is healthy. I would never claim to have a healthy diet, especially since the idea of what is healthy changes regularly.

Steve is convinced that by buying frozen food and heating it in the air fryer that it hasn't been fried, when it quite obviously has. I do avoid ultra processed food and items made from mechanically recovered meat.

I'm not being sanctimonious,  I don't lecture Steve or anybody else on what they should eat. I'm also far from perfect as I love chocolate biscuits.

Lots of treats.

Betty messaged me this morning, she was feeling better and wondered if I'd like to go for Waitrose. I jumped at the chance!

I didn't need anything specific but I bought myself some treats.

From the Deli counter I bought some anchovies and some artichoke hearts. I bought some blue cheese and a bag of pretzels, I also bought some nut bars. I'm now set up for a few days with some yummy treats.

Bugger

Last week I went to lunch club and when this week's lunch was arranged I offered to cook the main course.

I spent this morning preparing and cooking for tomorrow lunchtime. Chicken casserole, carrot and swede mash and broccoli. I was going to do roast potatoes with the meal as well.

When I went to the summer house I discovered that tomorrow's lunch club has been cancelled. Unfortunately no one thought to tell me!

I've bagged up the food and put it in the freezer, I'll reheat it next time there is a get together.

Steve is very torn, on the one hand he's delighted that I went to all the trouble of making a meal and no one let me know it has been cancelled. On the other hand he's annoyed that I spent money on food that hasn't been eaten.

Sleep deprived.

I slept badly Wednesday night, no particular reason why, but I was still reading at 3:30. I was awake and dressed by 8 a.m. as Beano needed walking. Consequently I did very little y'day. Steve asked me what was wrong and I explained that I was tired as I'd slept badly. Steve assured me that I'd slept fine, as he'd been awake all night!

He spent most of Thursday questioning me on why I wasn't full of beans. As i'd already said I was short on sleep there was no point in repeating myself.

In the afternoon I decided not to go to the summer house and once Steve has gone over I had a snooze on the sofa for an hour. I slept much  better last night and this morning I'm feeling fine.

Steve is very competitive with regards to illness and I rare!y mention if I feel under the weather. He will get quite stroppy if he thinks I'm unwell as that prerogative is his and his alone.

Tesco delivery this morning with all the accompanying pacing and wittering from Steve. When the shopping arrived There were two surprises. Firstly there was no beer, Steve has accidentally deleted it from the order. Secondly the shopping bill was only £70 instead of the usual £200-£250. I have no idea what's come over Steve but he is obviously trying to save money.  

What a lovely day.

I went for breakfast with my son and daughter, I had a croissant with Brie and Bacon and had a lovely time, Beano came with me and sat under the table quietly. 

I showed my kids the book with my last wishes in and explained a few things. I don't want a funeral, I'm going to arrange my own cremation and I don't want anyone to attend.

We had an interesting discussion and I think everything was agreed upon.

I returned home and then went to the the summer house for lunch, beef casserole with roast potatoes. I've volunteered to cook a chicken cobbler next week and Barbara will make a crumble.

We had a quiz in the summer house and I only got one question wrong, so I was pleased. I came home and watched Frost. I didn't want anything else to eat. I try not to eat after 5 p.m. 

Beano is snoozing on the sofa beside me and I'm watching YouTube.

All in all a lovely day.

Use it up curry.

I recently purchased a new slow cooker, my old one, that I'd bought second hand, had finally given up the ghost.

Steve doesn't like meat cooked in the slow cooker, he likes his meat hard and chewy. I prefer mine edible, I also add a lot of vegetables to anything I cook.

Today I'm making a 'use it up chicken curry' I used some left over cooked cabbage, an onion, parsnip and carrot from a reduced to clear stew pack that Betty gave me. I've used two diced chicken breasts and lots of garam masala along with other spices. I've only added a small amount of water as I don't want it too sloppy.

It's nothing like a traditional curry but it will be full of flavour,and should do me four meals.

Another one gone.

We were told today that our site manager is leaving, another one bites the dust!

He was only covering temporarily as the management company were unable to recruit a site manager for here.

No doubt we will be without a site manager here for months yet again. I'm not concerned about the lack of manager but I'm not happy that we continue to pay for a service that we don't receive.

Exhausted, not me, Steve!

Exhausted by his attempts at hiding in the car park and trying to think of lies to tell me where he's been. Steve has announced that he is now meeting his friend Bob every week instead of just occasionally.

A quick peek at FB shows that Bob is currently away racing!

The up side was that Steve insisted I went to the summer house to join in with a fish supper. There were only five of us there but it was very nice. I didn't stay long as I'd left Beano with Steve and Beano gets shouted at a lot. Beano doesn't seem to take a lot of notice, it scared him when we first got him, but he's used to it now.

I timed my return perfectly as Steve was just getting his coat on, he'd obviously decided I'd had enough fun for one day.

Good deed for the day.

I did my good deed for the day this morning when I took Beano out for his first walk.

A lot of my neighbours tend to shuffle when the they walk as they can't lift their feet. So as I walked along the path that leads of site I picked up the twigs and branches littering the path. There was one branch that was about ten feet long that I couldn't carry out of the way, so I shoved it behind two of the lighting pillars so at least the path is safe to walk on.

No improvement.

Things here are still difficult though I have to admit to some amusement. Some time ago Steve instigated a new rule, anyone going out had to fill in details on the white board.

It's stupid but I don't care, I only go out if one of my family takes me out or if I go out with Betty. Steve on the other hand goes into town to the pub once a week, out with Harry our neighbour once or twice a week, out with his friend Bob once a week. But he's suddenly started to go out one extra day a week and he wants to keep it a secret. He has failed to keep this a secret as we live in a very small flat and I notice if he's not home. He has tried to sneak out when I'm out with Beano but because it takes him so long to organise himself I'm usually in the car park coming home when he's leaving. Heaven knows what the neighbours think when they see him trying to hide between two cars in the car park.

Today is not good.

Steve is nearly delirious with excitement because Trump is back in the White House. I fail to understand why he is so excited. I really don't think Donald is going to be knocking on our door looking for Steve.

I've exerted myself and after making the Sunday roast, I made a casserole with the left over beef, that's my cooking done for this week. I used to actually enjoy cooking but not now, not for Steve as his food issues make catering for him a nightmare.

I went to the summer house this afternoon but Beano couldn't settle so I left after a few minutes.

Sunday

I cooked roast beef today. A few weeks ago I got so fed up of Steve ruining every joint he bought that I started cooking the roast on Sunday's. Steve refused to follow the cooking instructions on the joint so lunch sometimes wasn't ready until 8:30 in the evening. He also ended up in tears most Sunday's.

Today he complained as he wanted a sprout with his meal and I forgot, I also cut the the carrot into the wrong shape.

I don't think I'll bother to cook next week, I'll suggest he heat up some of his party food.

I enjoyed the meal but it's a waste cooking a full roast dinner just for me.

It also means I can't go to the summer house on Sunday's if I'm in the kitchen cooking.

I've also changed my hairstyle, for years I've worn my hair pinned up at the back with a claw clip. My hair is now to long so I'm wearing it in a plait over my shoulder.

Deaf and Grumpy.

That's me and Beano, I'm deaf and I forgot to charge my hearing aids last night. 

Beano is grumpy and I've started to notice how many dog owners cross the road to avoid us!  He is ok with small dogs but not big ones.

Y'day I cooked some mince that was in the freezer, I made Bolognese sauce and some small cottage pies for the freezer. I shall have spaghetti Bolognese tonight. Steve won't eat it as there is onions and tomatoes in it.

Walking the streets.

As I walk Beano three or four times a day I spent a lot of time walking the streets. 

I only walk in daylight, I'm not afraid of walking after dark as I live in a residential area. I am, however afraid of tripping over in the dark and having an accident.

I often see the same people on my walks, I tend to smile and say hello. I see people with dogs, I see people jogging, some are going shopping. I've also noticed lads on bikes, I tend to shorten Beano's lead if a cyclist approaches as Beano can be snappy if bikes get too near. I've always smiled at people regardless of age or gender.

As I said I've noticed lads on bikes and not thought anything of it. Last week I was walking along an alley and there was a couple, similar age to me, walking in the same direction. We all said hello  as we walked along. Suddenly one of the lads appeared on his bike, I smiled and carried on walking. The couple stopped and I assumed they knew the lad. As I turned onto the main road I noticed a bit of furtive fumbling behind me and the couple turned and walked back the way they'd come. I then realised that the lads on bikes are gofers for the local drug dealers. Obviously I was a bit thick not to have realised earlier but it didn't occur to me. I'm a bit naive where drugs are concerned.

So cold.

I haven't been able to get warm all day, the only heating we use in the flat is the very old storage heater in the living room. It's very big but inefficient and ugly.

We neither of us like heat in the bedroom and the only other heater is a huge electric radiator in the bathroom. It is a big radiator in a tiny bathroom so Steve turns it on for an hour or two before he showers. I don't use it as I mainly shower when I get up so I don't want to wait for the radiator to warm up.

My daughter showed me this, I thought it was very funny.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WmAD8Mo5mLc

Lunch club.

As  said before I used to go to lunch club here, I stopped because Steve started shouting at those involved. He had tried to persuade me not to continue but I ignored him. So he started shouting at the other members.

This last couple of weeks he's been trying to persuade me to rejoin. I knew he must be planning something but I'd no idea what. I spoke to Betty who said I'd be very welcome to return and y'day I did. We had liver casserole with mashed potato and a fruit crumble with custard.

After we'd had lunch and chatted for a while then we all returned to our flats at about 2 o'clock. I took Beano out and when I returned I sat on the sofa and started to read my kindle, very shortly I fell asleep. I woke up some time later as Steve was putting Beano's lead on and slamming the door.

Somewhat confused I wondered where Steve had gone as he never takes Beano out. Within minutes he was back and started shouting. It was by now about 4:30 and it seems he'd not noticed me asleep on the sofa and thought I'd gone to lunch club without Beano. 

He'd stormed into the summer house with Beano only to discover wasn't there, Betty and Harry hadn't returned to the summer house after lunch, they too had fallen asleep so no one knew where I was.

Steve rushed back to the flat with a very confused Beano to find me sitting on the sofa! Steve returned yet again to the summer house and Beano wanted to go too. I went to the summer house by which time Bill and Barbara were also the there. A couple of people asked me where I'd been, I explained I'd been asleep on the sofa and that Steve hadn't noticed me.

Catch up.

I didn't go to the Drs about my gout, I have done before. I was given the diagnosis, told it was self limiting and the pain shouldn't last longer than six weeks and told to get on with it.

When Steve went with gout he was given tablets to help with the symptoms and co-codamol for the pain. We both saw the same  Dr though two years apart so I don't bother to go now.  Our surgery is now only open on three half days a fortnight so there is little chance of an appointment. There is also no longer a direct bus route, so it means traveling into town and back out again.

My smellies were both gifts I don't buy myself things like that, I do however spend money on books for my kindle. I don't really watch tv so books and Beano are my main pleasures in life. 

I'm going to lunch club tomorrow, I stopped going because Steve was kicking off and started to shout at the people involved. I shall go back as long as he doesn't also return. He doesn't like the food, the only reason he goes is to check up on me.

Tuesday's.

Tuesday is the day Steve marks on the white board that he is going out.  He goes to a pub in town and has an "all day breakfast" . This gives me a day free of ear bashings when I do whatever I like. This is usually housework and crochet I do like to live dangerously!

Steve's also due to go out on Friday, if he goes out both days it will be lovely but I'm not going to get my hopes up.

I'm going back to lunch club tomorrow, I'm not sure how long for, it will depend on Steve's reaction and behaviour. The meal tomorrow is liver and veg with mashed potatoes.

I'm firing up my slow cooker today to make a chicken and vegetable curry as I have a lot of root vegetables to use up.

Beano's new bed.

 

Beano love his new bed, one side is fluffy and warm, the other side is shiny and cool. Beano is currently enjoying the warm fluffy side.

Christmas dinner repeated.

Last time Steve went into town to the pub he also went to Iceland and came home with a boned turkey breast. So today I'm doing a repeat of Christmas dinner. 

We are having turkey, ham, pigs in blankets, stuffing, roast potatoes, roast parsnips, Brussels, cabbage, broccoli and cauliflower cheese.

The veg are all for me, Steve will eat one sprout and some roast potatoes.

I'm not doing pudding, Steve doesn't like them and I will be too full of veggies to care.

I will turn any leftover veggies into bubble and squeak for tomorrow.

Achievement

For the first time ever I have hand wash and hand cream that both smell the same, two sets.

One is  crushed lime and basil the other is lavender. For me this is a great achievement!

If i was a man!

Thank you for all the good wishes, I'm very touched.

My big toe is causing me problems,  it's hot, red, swollen and stiff. If I was a man I'd tuck it into my underpants so the ladies would think I was pleased to see them! 

The problem is gout, which is so funny as I don't drink. But gout is just a type of arthritis and not dependent on alcohol intake.

My toe has been painful to a few days now but when Betty offered to take me out I jumped at the chance. Betty can't walk fast so I knew I wouldn't be slowing her down. We went to Waitrose to get Betty's favourite eggs, the extra large double yolkers, then we went to Asda to get the rest of the shopping. I bought a seeded sourdough loaf, it's delicious, I also bought some pickled herring and some anchovies. Betty also wanted to go to Iceland. But most of their freezers were very low on stock so she didn't buy anything. We stopped in the Asda cafe and had a baked potato with cheese and beans. It was very noisy in the cafe, lots of children. So when the girl on the till asked what I wanted I just said "the same" as Betty has just ordered. This meant I didn't know what I was having until it was put in front of me.

It was cheap, hot and tasty and the staff are friendly and helpful.