I read an article in the daily wail today about a woman who's husband insists on complete financial control, she won't leave him as she doesn't want to disrupt her children's lives.
It reminded me of my ex, every receipt examined minutely to ensure I hadn't wasted his money on a pair of tights or other fripperies. A couple of days ago it was the anniversary of my first wedding day. I was married for 25 years and although I sat it out until I was 51 and my last child left home it was my mother's death some years earlier that signaled the beginning of the end of my marriage.
My mother had no money, she lived on her state pension so I paid for her funeral, or rather my ex considered that he had. We ran our own business but I worked unpaid therefore had no money to contribute towards the funeral. The complaints from my then husband, encouraged by his mother were ceaseless. I was berated regularly in the days leading up to the funeral and for weeks after. On the day of the funeral my husband and his brother got extremely drunk and within an hour of the funeral I was back at work whilst he stayed home and got even more drunk.
During our divorce he told me, finally, that he loved me very much but he mother had drummed into him that he shouldn't be too nice or generous as I would take advantage of him. Well done mum!
10 comments:
Wow - the stupidity of people, it never cease to amaze me. Good on you for standing up!
KJ
Glad you got rid of him. And his Mother.
I read that article too. I was very sad for the women and the waste of life. It's much easier to leave a controlling husband these days than ever before, but sacrifices to lifestyle will occur.
I also read that article. She said that she didn't want to disrupt the very comfortable lives of her children, but it can't be healthy to bring up children in that environment. I was 40 when I left my ex-husband because of his behaviour, but my in-laws were the kindest people I have ever met, and I missed them dreadfully. Your MIL sounds a right piece of work!
For all the onlookers who say you should do this or that, unless you yourself are in a controlled situation you haven't a clue what goes on. So many people out to give their opinions who haven't experienced it.
If he'd really loved you, would he have treated you as badly as he did? Not the financial aspect of it, but the 'keys in the fruit bowl' happenings, the drunken behaviour. Love involves a hell of a lot more than just sex, which unfortunately, many men seem to have a problem understanding!
My husband is lovely in every way, but it took me fifteen years to make him realise that just because his parents were tight, in fact as tight as a crab's bum, and that's watertight, he didn't have to act the same way. Fortunately I earned a slightly larger salary than he did, so never had to ask him for anything.
He was great about paying the mortgage and serious stuff like that, but with anything remotely frivolous, Xmas presents etc, he was absolutely mean. I was in the habit of spending a small fortune on him, whilst I got hardly anything in return, so one year I bought him just a few very small, token gifts. His face when he opened them was a picture, and he seemed to realise what he'd done, as from that day to this he buys me lovely thoughtful presents, and they cost whatever they cost, he's not mean any longer!
Anonymous, why don't you just sod off and be a miserable cow all by yourself?!
Why do people, especially mothers try to live their children's lives for them. Mothers and sons, worse than mothers and daughters.
Col - love involves a hell of a lot more than just the monetary stuff and buying and receiving presents.
Oh my gosh, please tell us that you exited the marriage with a sizable portion of the marital funds and property! Also, where is your ex today? And what is his current relationship with his mother? Sorry, that is just too powerful a story to live us wondering!
@Anonymous,
My comments about meanness were not addressed to you, so it would be appreciated if you would keep your comments to me relevant to what I addressed to you!
As we've now been married for almost forty years, I'm more than aware of what marriage involves!
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