I'm weary today after yesterday's tribulations.
So I'm not in the best frame of mind.
Steve managed ok yesterday but had obviously wound himself up as I'd been gone so long, today I have been dealing with the backlash.
This morning we went to DD1's to collect a pile of crap that Steve has ordered from Amazon. He put up a shelf for DD whilst we were there.
We arrived home and I did lunch, beans on toast.
I said I wanted to put my feet up after lunch, just for half an hour, but no. Steve decided Beano needed walking so off we went. Steve was complaining about how tired I was and decided it was because I'd walked Beano yesterday before I set off for the hospital. There is a method in his madness, by blaming it on the dog walk this means he can complain. He cannot complain about the bus service as that is not my fault, choosing to walk the dog is my fault!
After we'd walked Beano I wanted to have a sit down and a cuppa, Steve decided he wanted to put some fairy lights up. I refused to help and suggested we do the lights tomorrow.
I sat down and put me feet up. Deprived of the excuse to yell at me whilst putting the lights up Steve decided he needed a dustpan, then he needed to charge up his new radio, which it seems can only be charged when playing at full volume! Receiving no response to this he decided to watch you tube videos again at full volume, so he could hear them over his radio.
This also failed so he decided that as I had a blanket over my legs I must be cold. He threw a full on tantrum because I was cold and hadn't told him!
When I'm tired I get cold, I can't sleep because I'm cold and I can't get warm because I'm tired.
This can obviously be cured by being shouted at.
One of the thing he brought up during the shouting was that he has a friend visiting on Saturday and the boat needs a good bottoming. I gave up resting and cleaned the bathroom, this was also wrong as I'd claimed to be tired so why wasn't I resting.
17 comments:
Hugs x
I will probably get shouted down for this , but i think you give into him too much , if he wants to have a tantrum he can go to the other end of the boat and have it , I know he has had a stroke but i am not sure this gives him to behave in a childish and boorish manner . I am sorry if you think I am wrong but that is how I would approach the problem .
Brain damage does not make for logical behavior. High levels of noise causes high blood pressure in the listener. My husband had two head injuries in a 5 year period. It has taken many years to learn to live with his issues, and even then we have regular blow-ups from no where. Do you have a brain injured group in the area? Here they seem to have a better grip on the issues that come from an injured brain, stroke or otherwise. Sewing mamie what you don't seem to grasp is that stroke or brain injury, depending on the area of the brain affected, can cause personality problems and poor impulse control. They don't have a handle on their behavior. Hugs and take care.
Barb
fwiw i think you need to stand up for yourself a bit...if someone told me my house needed bottoming i would show them to the duster cupboard and tell them to get on with it take care x
I wonder if ear plugs or sound deadening headphones might help get the point across or at least get you some short time of peace. I send you some big hugs. Ana USA
I don't have any answers, but sending lots of hugs and good vibes. x
Thank you for your comments and how vs.
Steve is aware that he shouldn't shout at me on one level but unfortunately his anxiety and frustration boil over. Also one of his therapist suggested that I need to accept being shouted at as he needs to let off steam somewhere.
I believe that a third of all marriages break down shortly after a stroke.
Ana, I take my hearing aids out, it helps a bit.
Barb, exactly right, Steve has very little impulse control if any.
See if you can talk to someone at Headway Hester. You can find them online.
When my late husband suffered a life changing brain injury they saved everyones sanity and helped my husband a great deal. They have regional centres. Your main problem is Steve struggling to engage which was similar to my husband. It's due to confusion and overwheling anxiety.
Sadly unless some help is offered you will burn out I know you've tried to find support but in your place I would be contacting Headway and other help. No need to say anything until you find something suitable.
Look after yourself too. It's hard but you have the right to respect and less judgement.
pollyx
Thanks Polly, I will look into that.
Sewing mamie - you haven't a clue. Perhaps you should educate yourself on the after effects of stroke and brain injury before you start giving out advice.
If you think sending a stroke survivor to the other end of the boat to have his "tantrum" is compassionate and caring I only hope a loved one of yours isn't ever in need of care from you.
Another day in our shared world, we attended the hospital the other day , they have given over the parking to a private firm . It was a nightmare , he couldnt just go to the machine and pay , he had to go to reception which is the other end of the hospital and register as disabled he didnt take his wheels , so was on his crutches there were no wheelchairs anywear which was my fault, he gave the wrong registration number and started shouting at me in reception. When we left it didnt recognise us , so he sent me back to reception . The woman on reception asked me is he always like that ? Every day .
Today we got a parking fine its in my name , so its up to me to pay it and hes off again
Ho Hum
Kate, yes life is a constant joy isn't it!!!
Mindo, there is no follow up care, he's been discharged.
Hester, out of curiosity, if you were to get divorced ( I am not saying you should at all ), would Steve then get all the help you need now thrown at him? It wouldn't surprise in the least if he would, which is so wrong. Are you not a worthy person with human rights too, and not a dogsbody...
Debdor, don't tempt me, lol. From what I've seen of the single stroke survivors I'd guess there is very little help out there, some of those who come to stroke club are sent home with any leftovers as they are reliant on cold food every day. Some arrive needing a change of clothes and some arrive even when they are very unwell.
In this day and age, it is all so wrong. Why does the UK get it so wrong. ( unless you are a Royal, and can take a break from your terribly stressful life - sorry if you are a Royalist... )
I'm not a royalist Debdor.
I do know a lot about stroke and caring for a stroke sufferer,American people make me sick - you know nothing.You need benefits advocate:if there's one benefit you do qualify for its PIP.
Also,tough love,get him going to a local stroke club.If you don't get a break your health will collapse.You should also have access to a social worker.You're providing unpaid medical care.
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